r/NannyBreakRoom

hi guys! i have been working for a UHNW family for 12 years. zero benefits ( no paid holidays, no guaranteed hours, no christmas bonus, no health insurance even tho i am a w2 employee for his company. i do family assistant work for the parents we well.

they did give me a entry level car that is 8 years old . the car isn’t in my name - they paid for the insurance . currently i pay 500$ per month for a parking spot . they let me drive the car to and from work ( 25 miles 1 way). so i’m responsible to pay for the parking in my building. my monthly transportation cost for parking and gas is like 600$ a
month. get this- —- the car needs new tires and the air conditioning broke. the dad wants ME pay 50% of the maintenance for the car. they could fire me tomorrow and i’d have paid a bunch of money into their car? they worth many many many millions of dollars but want me to pay for their car maintenance? what should i do? i already pay 600$ month towards transportation i cant afford to pay more

TLDR: Family paying a flat rate of only $200/travel day despite contract noting FSLA law. They're nice but I need to address it.

Hey everyone, I really need some advice. I'm in a super awkward situation with my nanny family over travel pay and I'm stressed because they are yruly the sweetest, most flexible people, which makes this so much harder.

We found each other through an agency and used a HomeWork Solutions contract and I'm W2. My regular rate is $30/hr (guaranteed 40 hrs Mon-Fri) and overtime is $45/hr. The contract says "Holidays Travel rate: minimum $200/day" but also explicitly mandates FLSA compliance (hourly pay for every hour worked, time-and-a-half over 40 hours in a 7-day workweek). 

We just did a Saturday-Monday trip. I'd already hit 40 hours for the week. On the trip, I logged 5 hours of airport/travel time alone on Saturday. Then was with the NK from 100pm to 1200am. Not directly alone for half of it, but it wasn't a break either. Sunday I worked 1100am to 1100pm. Even if we consider the time where I was directly alone with NK it sums to about 13 hours across both days. 

They zelled me $600 the day after we got back. Since the contract says minimum $200/day, i figured they were being nice and giving me the per diem fee directly; their prior nanny said they did this. However, when I got paid this last Friday there were no overtime hours on it.

I was terrified to bring it up, but right before leaving yesterday, I forced myself to say, “Hey, ND zelled me $600 for the trip, but I didn't see the rest of the time on my paycheck - the hourly overtime."

The mom paused, apologized for the misunderstanding, but explained that the flat $200 covered the whole day. She said since it's hard to dictate when "direct care" is happening like when NK is sleeping, or all of us are together, or how to dictate time if i have to hold NK for a moment - they figured the $200 covered about 5-6 hours of “active work”.

I froze and just said something like "okay…..yeah..” and left. I was hoping it was just an honest mistake on their end and they didn't know how industry travel laws work.

But looking at the contract, it says "minimum" $200/day, and under "engaged to wait" laws, I'm still working even if NK is asleep, we're all together, or we're traveling on the plane. Not to mention FSLA states I'm hourly.

How do I bring this up again over text without making them feel bad or sounding aggressive? They're affluent so I'm unsure if it's a money thing. Should I loop my agency coordinator in if they stay confused? 

Any text scripts or articles I could send them. would be amazing.

I have been a babysitting for a few years but this is my first job being a full time nanny. I work in Austin, TX. I had no idea about contracts or what’s normal before so I just agreed to whatever they offered. My GH are 40 hours a week, M-F, but consistently work 10 hours overtime. They offered me GH, 5 PTO Days, but no sick days. I get paid $24hr across the board. I feel pressured consistently into overtime and don’t necessarily want to work more than 40 hours. Is it normal to ask for overtime pay even though they still pay me for 40 hours when they’re out of town? I think I’m trying to justify it thinking “oh well I get paid for doing nothing so it’s silly to ask for OT pay”. I also don’t know how much longer I’ll work for them because it’s emotionally and mentally exhausting. I’ve been with them for 9 months so it seems like it’s too late to draw up a contract.

Edit: To add, there are two kids. 4M and a baby. I consistently am asked to do housework such as laundry for whole family, cleaning, groceries, as well as the normal bottle cleaning, cooking, play room cleanups, etc. Am I getting paid enough ? I honestly have no clue what is standard and what I should be asking for. I think I’m selling myself short.

Hello, I would everyone to weigh in on how to handle this situation. I’ve been with this family for three years. But I’ve been a nanny for well over 25 years on and off quite foolishly. I never had a contract with this family big mistake. This Monday my NP was let go from their job. They instantly informed me that I should only work till noon and then go home. I do not get paid when I am told to leave early. I do not have guaranteed hours which unfortunately has really affected me financially no pay for three weeks over Christmas whilst they decide they don’t need me but again I take some responsibility for that believing that people have goodwill and will do the right thing apparently does not happen in this day and age anyway back to current day. They then inform me late Tuesday evening that I will not be needed my regular workday for the remainder of the week well, I finally stuck up for myself after NP sent me a text saying they would be in touch when they needed me. I then proceeded to send a rather direct message saying that was not acceptable. I have been extremely loyal to this family have not taken one sick day in three years in spite of the kids being sick almost every other month with one thing or another I have still showed up for work even when they have messaged me at 10 o’clock at night or sometimes even later to come in at 5:30 in the morning, I have adjusted my schedule made myself available. Stayed late never complained when you walk into their house after a weekend of being away it is trashed they leave me dishes piled high in the sink the stove top I gave up on cleaning it. The counters are jammed. They let the kids walk around with food crumbs, and toys all over the floor. I wish I could share pictures but you probably all would be a little horrified. I have continued to just clean up not complain. I leave it spotless dishes washed. dishwasher is unloaded. The kids clothes are taken care of. I leave everything how I would like to walk in the next day. The floors are mopped and vacuumed because I don’t want the kids walking on crumbs. I’ve taught the kids to sit up at the table the NP just let them walk around with food they let them drawer on the floor all kinds of things anyway how do I handle this situation now they are putting the kids in daycare and I will not be needed come August so I am currently looking for another family or another venture but that being said do I even have a leg to stand on next week they told me to come in but they’ve basically cut my hours in half and then they said they do not know what the following few weeks will bring . Going forward I will always do guaranteed hours and a contract. They also pay me as a 1099 worker and I’ve had to pay all of my taxes and I don’t earn that much for two kids please any insight I would welcome it.

Hi everyone! I wanted to update those who commented on my last post because unfortunately things didn’t end well.

For context, I had recently questioned the amount of family laundry and household responsibilities in my role. We had one respectful conversation about expectations, and afterward I decided I would continue doing my job while quietly looking for another position if it turned out we weren’t the right fit. Around that same time, I came across a Reddit post that I am 99% sure was written by my MB asking whether they should replace me. Every detail matched our situation. I never told them I saw it.
This week everything actually seemed normal. They were making plans for next week, telling me about upcoming holidays, and I honestly thought we were finally going to have the expectations conversation.
Instead, today after NK went down for her nap, both parents asked to speak with me outside and told me today would be my last day.
They repeatedly told me this wasn’t because of our recent conversation about grocery shopping and laundry. They said I had been wonderful with NK and that they trusted me to continue caring for her up until today. Their explanation was that they didn’t think I would be the right fit once the new baby arrives, even though they felt I had been a great nanny for their daughter.
The reasons they gave were two incidents from early in my employment.
The first was when I briefly stepped away while NK was independently playing. We discussed it immediately, I apologized, and it never happened again.
The second was described as me “forgetting the baby monitor while getting ready.” What actually happened was that I had asked if I could get ready for my mom’s event during NK’s nap because they weren’t able to let me leave early that day. NK’s grandma was visiting and told me she would keep the baby monitor with her while I got ready, so I wasn’t responsible for monitoring NK during that time. That incident was still brought up as one of the reasons they felt I wasn’t the right fit for their growing family.

What makes this difficult for me is that all of the tension over the past couple of weeks centered around my asking for clarification about grocery shopping, laundry, and the overall scope of my role. Although they assured me those conversations weren’t the reason for my termination, the timing has made it difficult not to wonder whether they influenced the decision.

The hardest part was that our contract states either party would provide four weeks’ notice, but instead I was told today was my last day. They did offer me two weeks of severance, which I appreciate, but I was completely blindsided and am now scrambling to find another position.
I’m not upset that a family decided I wasn’t the right fit—that happens. I’m struggling with the lack of notice, the lack of communication, and feeling like concerns from months ago that had already been discussed and corrected were ultimately used to end my employment.

For the experienced nannies and nanny parents here:
Is same-day termination common when there hasn’t been abuse, neglect, or misconduct?
Would you have expected concerns from months ago that had already been addressed to resurface as the reason for termination?
Any advice for moving forward from here?

Hi Nannies!

My current role of over 11 years is coming to an end this summer and I’ve been looking for a new position.

I’ve met with a couple of families and have turned down one position and am trying to decide whether or not this other position is the right fit.

I *think* my gut/heart says no, but I also genuinely think the families (nanny share) are so sweet and am feeling bad.

Part of my hesitation I think is because making a decision on a new family really seals the deal that my current role is ending (their kids are older and they just don’t need as much help anymore - so it’s just the natural progression of the role). But also, I truly believe that with all of my experience, I can probably find a job that aligns better with the schedule I want, pay, benefits etc.

I just feel so bad letting the families down. 😢

I don’t want to lead them on while continuing to look for a position that works better for me, but for some reason I’m having a hard time closing the door on this opportunity ?

Any advice/thoughts are welcome. 🤍

Dearest fellow nannies and former nannies like me now I guess.

Last week I relocated with my nanny family(was staying in an Airbnb until I found housing). It was a 10 hour move from my hometown. I stopped overnight at the halfway point and stayed with my aunt and also my Mom who is visiting as they are relocating to the area of my aunt. I worked in the new city in the new state for two days when my aunt unexpectedly had a medical emergency and passed out outside on the pavement. in an attempt to revive my aunt and help her back up, my Mom, who has chronic medical issues and has had multiple orthopedic surgeries was injured while helping my aunt. I let the family know immediately that I would not be at work the next day as I had to help out my family.
Two days later (today) I let them know that I had to make a hard decision to stay with my parents as they seem to require more care than I had previously thought. It breaks my heart but if after a few days without help (me) they end up in the ER, to me, that means they’re at the point where they need someone local who can check in on them.
Even if I thought this was a one off situation with my parents(it’s not), the fact I had to lose a few days pay as I don’t get PTO or GH, has taken a massive hit to my wallet, in addition to having to drive over five hours to get to them+moving expenses. I feel like this was a major wake up call for me. While I understand it’s a big inconvenience for my NF, they do have grandparents with them until the end of the year. On one hand I feel awful for “abandoning” my NF but I feel like it was a necessity given my family situation. Thoughts?

Soooo.

I will start with a new family on August, NB and first time parents.

I'm here to ask about all the things I should ask/discuss with the family before we start working.

I'm not a newbie, I have 8 Ys of experience but this year I'm trying to set boundaries to avoid all the past misunderstandings I already experienced with previous families.

I'm asking here because I want to know what is normal to ask for with American families (I am not but will be working with one).

I know about sick days, vacations, guaranteed hours ...

But I want to cover everything and leave it on paper :p

We were leaving the park and he was holding my hand when he tripped and fell. I instinctually held on and ever since he's been in pain and not using that arm. He's almost 2. I called his mom and she came home to take him to the doctor. I feel like she's mad at me and I feel awful about the whole situation. I don't think I yanked him up or anything, I was just trying to keep him from falling. I guess we'll know soon if that's really what happened. Has this happened to anyone else or am I actually just bad at my job

I have been with my NF over 2 years. I was there for 10mo and 3yo NK’s entire lives and with 5yo with severe behavioral issues since he was a toddler. I didn’t want it to get to this point, but today 5yo jumped on while I was sitting on the floor put a nerf gun directly in my face and shot me. He screamed he was going to kill me. This occurred after he put 3yo in a chokehold and shot him saying the same thing. These behaviors and violent outbursts are an ongoing issue.
He was supposed to be in camp this summer, but due to behavior he is not. Due to his behavior, we are all stuck at the house, we can’t do outings. I am alone with this behavior 40+ hours a week and beyond burnt out. The physical aggression towards me and younger NKs has significantly increased since the start of summer and quite honestly I fear the younger NKs getting seriously hurt by him on my watch. I also certainly can’t provide them with enrichment they deserve while our entire day is revolving around explosive tantrums from 5yo and I’m emotionally drained. Every de-escalation method I’ve tried with 5yo triggers him more and I am out of options. His main triggers are not getting his way and younger NKs just existing basically. I’m not okay with sitting here while he traumatizes his younger siblings. I grew up with friends that had a sibling like that. It is a trauma. I have never been in this position before and I have felt like a terrible nanny for months. It’s significantly tolling on my health at this point too. Previous conversations with MB haven’t resulted in change, but tomorrow I will try again and finally bring up how I can’t stay under these conditions. Ultimately I’m preparing for that to not go over well and this job to come to an end which breaks my heart. I’m looking for advice or feedback from anyone that’s been in a similar position.

This would also be my first time quitting due to behavior and possibly not getting a reference. I don’t know how to go into a future interview with that and no reference from the job I have spent the last 2 and a half years at.

I know it's been a popular topic in the nanny subreddits as I feel like we're exposed to so many different types of family situations but why do we think this is happening? Has it always been a thing and it's now just being talked about more?

Why am I always being asked to babysit on my days off? Why am I coming in for the whole day when parents are off work? Why does their child cry when I leave for the day but not when parents leave for the day?

I get coming in on parents days off if they have things planned or are sick themselves or something but when mom calls out of work so she can be a couch potato, why am I here? When baby is sick and dad is home watching TV all day, why am I here?

When I have days off, I keep my child home with me because I want to spend time with them. I spend most of my childs time awake throughout the week away from them and can't understand not wanting to be with them when I have the chance. If I need to go to an appointment or something on a day off, mine is in daycare while I go but it's always a short day even though I'm paying for a full day.

I don't understand the thought process, I really don't.

Walking out the door this morning with my purse, 2 work bags, water bottle and lunch box. that’s not even counting my emergency clothes i have in my car at all times. my gosh i think at this point it would be easier to roll up with a suitcase in the morning!

curious if other nanny’s are bringing this much stuff to work as well or if i’m completely alone in this?! I’m not sure how to minimize the amount i’m bringing especially in the summer months needing extra clothes, sunscreen, walking shoes, etc.

I’m a little annoyed. Last weekend my nanny child had a fever and a runny nose, but his mom didn’t tell me he was sick until I arrived at work on Monday. At that point, she let me know he wouldn’t be going to school, so I’d be staying home with him all day.
On Tuesday, he tested positive for strep throat. Unsurprisingly, I ended up getting sick too. I was really looking forward to my three-day Fourth of July weekend to rest and enjoy my time off, but instead I’ve spent it sick. To make matters worse, I had to pay nearly $150 for an urgent care visit.

I can’t wait to give these kids back tonight and not come back for THREE days! I love my NF but the heat and their permissive parenting has me completely ready to run out of the door right now. I’m so sick of the new wave of parenting where the children can do no wrong. Again, love my NP’s for the way they treat me and compensate me; but their parenting style SUCKS. Anyone else?

Spent 1.5 hours getting nk11mo and nk2 to sleep. DB strolls in less than 5 minutes later so the dogs go crazy and wake up nk2. She's now wide awake being as loud as humanly possible while I'm desperately trying to keep her brother asleep. DB is upstairs talking loudly on the phone 🥰

Requested to do a movie every other week to month with nk (4y) because it’s 95+ degrees hot by the time we get done with breakfast. MB said no. No outings besides the park and backyard no audio books either. I feel like everything i suggest gets shut down. I’m used to having autonomy in my day to day work life. This is hard.

Yes ofc there are other things we can do and we do…but I’m here 9 hours a day and it would be nice to have a break and give her something to look forward to. Thought and suggestions appreciated

Just venting— so I guess this isn’t inappropriate clothing, as much as the lack of clothing that makes me uncomfortable. Been with NF for 3yrs, both parents are pretty athletic but DB will sometimes go workout then come back shirtless and just wander the house that way for awhile. I know it’s their home, but it’s a little uncomfortable/odd for me when he’s trying to have a conversation w me in the kitchen w no shirt on. lol idk does anybody else deal w this?

I have been working as a nanny for about six years now and I have come to notice that many parents want to be their child's friend more than they want to be a figure of authority. 
Now I completely understand the desire to want a better upbringing for your child in comparison to what you had, but “love” is not a form of parenting. 

 I have noticed that there is a general lack of boundary enforcement and a large number of people are operating under the assumption that their children are incapable of maintaining standards and expectations. I see there is not a lot of respect towards authority figures in general, because they have not had to regularly encounter one. 

I know fun is important for a child's upbringing, but boundaries are significantly more valuable. You want your children to know how to hold firm on their own boundaries while still respecting those of others. They provide a sense of safety and general guidelines for behavior and social interaction. 

It's sad to see people expecting so little of their children, as they grow up having everything done for them, there is not much they can do for themselves. There is no tolerance to frustration and discomfort, and the ability to use their imagination to find things to do has been almost completely wiped out. They have hundreds and thousands of toys, games, and activities, but all they want is their tablets and have little to no desire for independence. 

Your school aged child is not a baby.. I will not treat them as such. It is ok for them to experience discomfort and frustration. They actually need that to become sufficient problem solvers.

“No.” Is a complete sentence and does not need to be repeated. You want your child to internalize that for future use. “no” does not mean bargain, bribe, or negotiate. It means no.

It is ok to let your child be bored and have nothing to do sometimes. They will learn to use their imagination for play, or they will find something they are interested in. Let them explore and be bored. 

Listening to audiobooks is listening to someone read. Your child is not actually reading. They are listening. Parents, its actually your job to teach your child how to read. I recommend at least ten minutes of reading per day. Make it routine, not punishment, and not a bribe for some other activity. 

Children are much more capable than they are given credit for. Just give them time to struggle through something. Life isn't all sunshine, rainbows, and ease… It's hard, messy, and requires effort. It's your job to instill these skills into your developing tiny human. You cannot protect them from the difficulties of life. BUT YOU CAN GIVE THEM THE SKILLS TO MAKE THINGS EASIER AND PUSH THEM TO BECOME SOLUTION ORIENTED PEOPLE. 

Let your  kid be a kid. Let them experience discomfort, they don't need distraction. They need that unconditional love and support to turn to when they experience those feelings. Discomfort can't be avoided. It will just come up some other way. 

By shielding them from the discomfort of growth, you are stealing their independence and unintentionally harming their development. 

I am so glad to be leaving this profession soon, it's heartbreaking for me to witness this learned helplessness so often. ATP I almost feel like parents are just having children because feel they are supposed to or want a BABY not a full human.