u/desires_wings

NF is giving me such a headache. They got a membership to the local pool and insist on me taking kids swimming (2 + 5) however the kids aren’t swim trained. Sure they splash around by the edge but they are scared of swimming and I don’t feel comfortable as one adult supervising two kids under 6 in an activity they are set up to fail. I shared classes and offered to go with kids but the parents never sign them up (even the free ones) and it’s not my role to go ahead and schedule these sorts of things. I’ve straight up told them I don’t feel comfortable and why and they’re like “totally fair” and then later in the week offer me to go swimming again with them and we just repeat the same convo over and over all summer.

I’m with these kids 50-60 hours a week. I do a lot. I advocate and take care of them in the ways I’m trained to do. It just feels so frustrating that the bigger picture is a lot of these parents are so checked out that they’re not participating in activities or learning events that would make things more fun! Dad works part time at his own company so that’s that and mom does not work at all - mostly bed rots all day. So confused as to why they can’t parent. These kids are so sweet - why have them if ya’ll aren’t willing to do the work esp if someone is here helping?!

Hi hi hello - I am looking to start my pregnancy journey after about a year of trying with no luck. I had a loss at 4 months three years ago and took a break as it was heartbreaking for me and my husband.

I’ve been trying for about a 10 months with no luck. All my tests come back normal but my docs say I could still have pcos. I have classic signs (facial hair, inability to loose weight, high testosterone etc etc).

I’m currently at 280 (33F) and trying to shed excess weight slowly - we have a home gym and I work as a nanny so I’m very active with my nanny kids all day. I live on a farm with my family and eat pretty healthy. Organic/Grass Fed eggs and meat and veggies raised here. I try to limit excess overeating and prioritize Whole Foods. It’s just a slow process!

I am thinking of starting a GPL1 as I continue to workout (weight training 3 days a week and walking 10k steps every day as well as swimming and jump rope). My goal is to loose 50-80 lbs in the next 1-2 years so I can maybe give myself a shot at pregnancy again.

Does anyone have any advice? I just heard so many women get pregnant after taking weight loss meds. I really want it to work for me. Feeling at such a loss!

Just fyi I love my body and being fat and honestly feel no shame/excited to be plus size and pregnant. I just heard weight loss meds might help!

Hi!

I’m a nanny of 13 years and primarily have worked without an agency most of that time. However I am thinking of switching to working with an agency just because it seems I could cast a wider net. Care.com gives me headache sometimes!

Does anyone have an agency they recommend? I am in New York (Capital area) but willing to work either here or in the city. I’ve googled some agencies to apply as a caregiver to but wanted to ask the sub as well since it’s been so helpful in the past.

Thank ya all!

Been married for 1 year :) very happy and in love!

However….

My husband is good friends with a woman who he hooked up with in the past. They had been friends for years and there was a moment where they were both single and she asked him to hookup. He explained it to me as her having been in a 10 year monogamous relationship prior to that hookup and wanting a safe person to explore sex with. They did it once and she moved on to dating her current boyfriend. This was about a year or so before I met my husband we we started dating.

I know and have met and feel neutral about this friend - she even came to our post wedding celebrations with a larger group of friends she’s apart of. A bit shy and awkward but nice. In theory I shouldn’t have an issue with it, right? They were friends before and remain friends after - they rarely see each other in person and she’s apart of a larger network of friends through a common hobby that they share that even when they do hangout - it’s never alone.

It just drives me crazy. Sometimes I hear her name in conversation and I just feel my eyes narrow. I don’t like it. I think apart of me feels insane because she’s very good friends with an ex of my husband who was really controlling and awful who my husband is no contact with. *That* particularly ex has caused a lot of strife in our marriage, mostly because she found out we were getting married and blew up at him even though they weren’t together at all anymore. She felt the need to know he was making a major life decision like marriage with someone else I guess. I did not like that this person was even able to speak to my husband or be in contact to the point where they could blow up their phone. I asked him to go no contact. I did not like that I had to ask.

So it’s twofold - I don’t like an ex of his and this friend because he has had sexual/romantic relations with them. They are friends and I don’t trust how messy it is. None of my ex’s are involved in my life or friendships at all. I am on fine terms with most of them but….moved on!

It freaks me out that my husband has, what I view, as a messy dynamic in his dating life of past. I don’t get it. I’ve never hooked up with a friend, my ex’s aren’t anywhere near this stage of my life. I can’t relate and in that lack of understanding I feel jealously. Insecure. I almost want to ask him to go no contact with this friend but it also feels insane of me to ask since she’s been nice to me and also apart of a larger friend group so it would mean actively telling everyone why he can’t hang or subtly avoiding her. Which I know he would rather just disengage from that friend group entirely and I feel bad and don’t want that for him.

He’s already so low contact with her, again they hangout only in groups (like birthdays or events) so apart of me maybe just needs time to see and trust it’s nothing. To try and judge him less on these things. To let it roll off. I am someone who takes a long time to trust and repair is always a journey. I’m willing to do it but…isn’t it all a bit strange?

Kiddo (4) is having the worst time transitioning out of bottle feeding which honestly should have happened a while ago. She still gets bottle basically whenever she asks - I’ve been with her since she was 1. NF complains that kiddo doesn’t eat but why would she - with a constant bottle supply? I offered to help transition them out of bottle with enthusiasm but almost no consistency on their part. Kiddo has had a horrible week screaming and crying for bottle and refusing all meals - parents “worry she won’t eat at all” and cave. I tell them - that’s okay. It’s okay if she crys and screams and refuses food - the last resort cannot be bottle. Maybe milk in a cup after eating a whole meal but throwing bottle at the problem is the problem. Eventually kiddo will get hungry enough and learn the routine enough that they will eat meals. I’ve seen it done before and it works.

Feeling so frustrated in part because I do try really hard to help this kid and the family but it’s just inconsistent on their end - I see the bottle as a big health issue and they don’t. I refuse to give kid bottle when they are in my care and honestly - they eat better with me and generally listen/behave 1000000x better because we have gentle structure routine and consequence (as well as a lot of fun)

I just wish these parents would put their foot down on bottle. Whenever I come in Monday it’s so obvious based off tantrums that kiddo ran them to the ground over the weekend and I’m just so frustrated. Don’t know where to go from here until I guess the parents come around or the kiddo hits a major health/developmental block because of this which will cost tenfold

Two posts in one day - way to start the week!

I’m partially ranting because I know I *need* to say something and will swiftly but I’m just in shock at how dense parents can be. Again I love my NF but sometimes I’m scratching my head at their antics.

NF welcomed a 10 week old Puppy to the mix on Monday. I come into work and it’s all laughter and play but I’m quickly realizing they expect me to do unpaid labor for dog indirectly but just “leaving” her downstairs in the kids zone day 2 of having her. It’s been AWFUL. I already have 3 kids I’m watching all under 3

They have no fenced in yard - they ask me to make it apart of playtime to take doggie out to pee although the kids are kids and can’t hold a leash so I’m terrified of the dog bolting if it’s dropped and making a run towards the busy road which already freaks me out with kiddos. I end up just letting the dog quickly on the leash on breaks.

This doesn’t stop the dog from peeing and pooping everywhere every second (?!?!). Caring for screaming crying baby and I look over and puppy is taking a shit on the lower book shelf then proceeds to pee on said shit while I’m saying NO at it and also trying to tend to baby cuz hands are full - obviously in cleaning messes all day. I put dog in crate during feed time and dad comes over from his work space and lets her out because she’s crying too much but then I have to deal with keeping puppy off kids and table and snatching their plates.

I finally think I get a moment of peace and MB brings dog over to me during nap time to bond and snuggle and all I want to do is eat my lunch and read a book post cleaning shit and dishes all day.

What the actual fuck is wrong with people? I wouldn’t want to get paid extra for this work - I just don’t want to deal with it. They need to take care of this untrained puppy themselves. I have 3 dogs at home as well as chickens and pigs on top of working 50 hour weeks. I don’t want this on my plate. I just don’t get how they think this is fun for me when it’s been am absolute headache

Hi! Curious about working out an issue I’ve been running into

I adore my NF and kids and they treat me well. I have a great set up. However - NF often leaves weekend or overnight dishes for me to clean up at the start of every day. If they had a dinner party the night before - there’s evidence of that (big pots extra dishes and glasses etc etc) or if there was a giant meal prep. I often start my days spending at least an hour cleaning dishes. Throughout the day I notice they all will come down with dishes or eat their lunch (adults) and just leave dishes at the table or near the sink for me to clean. It started off small so I would clean alongside doing kid chores but just has gotten to the point where they don’t expect to wash their own dishes at all. On fridays I leave the house really clean and come back and wonder if they just didn’t do dishes all weekend based off the mountain of cleaning I have to do.

How would one bring this up? I feel I cannot handle doing kids laundry plus giant piles of dishes constantly while also watching 3 kids. It’s beginning to make me feel really sour. My contract also states simply cleaning up after kiddos and light household chores but nothing about doing adult dishes or the amount of kitchen cleanup I’m currently presented with.

Mom also WFH but part time and is mostly puttering around in her art studio so I’m like - clean up your own mess! I appreciate ya but damn