u/hitsigekaasgeluiden

My boyfriend [28M] and I [26F] have been together for 4 years now. We live together and have a dog together. I work fulltime from home and he is pursuing a career in the creative field which unfortunately has not been going well. We have a great relationship with solid communication but thing have been hard lately. My bf graduated and had a really hard time with his mentor which basically immeadiatly caused him to have a massive burn out. I supported him in every way possible and things started to look up careerwise to the point where we were able to move out of our tiny 1 room flat and into a lovely home with a garden and enough space for a studio.

However things have gotten much worse over the last year as my bf has been struggling mentally which has caused him to struggle with his career a lot. Not only does he have immense difficulty to do the things he needs to do and earn enough money, but he's really been going through a crisis in regards to what his purpose really is and if he can even continue in his workfield. This resulted in me taking the brunt of the mental, financial and caretaking load. Seeing I struggle with health and family matters myself this has been quite hard but I feel very supportive of him and feel hopeful for the future. He's started therapy and gets financial support from his family.

A month ago he had a big breakdown, to the point where I needed to intervene and contact his therapist. We had a big argument but resolved things thanks to the therapist. He's still struggling a lot. I find myself increasingly drained, frustrated and triggered by this proces. I am outwardly very understanding, supportive and caring but I'm really feeling like I'm on thin ice. He's incredibly all over the place, has massive ups and downs, thinks only in extremes, demotivated and unrealistic. He doesn't want to get a job outside of his careerfield but also isn't doing enough to make it work in the field he's in. He's gotten increasingly jealous of friends and colleagues in his field but also isn't willing to put the effort in to network like thet do.

These things have obv been going on for a while now but lately I just feel like I can't do it anymore. I love him and can't imagine life without him. I also know that with the proper help he will improve and he will have lots of potential. But I have to be honest and say that I'm really fucking tired. I've worked my ass off to get to where I am mentally and financially despite all the hardships, without any supportsystem and I just don't see him trying all that hard. I don't particularly love my job either but until I can find something better the bills still meed to be paid.I'm truly giving my all here despite my own struggles but he's just not improving. I really don't want him to give up his dream because I know he can do it, so when I try to distance myself from his ups and downs it's really hard for me to accept his depressive, demotivated thoughts of giving up.

How can I best support him and how do I muster the energy for this? He's truly my person but I'm afraid that I will sacrifice years of my life in dedication, all for it to not be worth it. I feel awful writing this about him but any advice would be amazing.