u/hkbgcvkhc

I’ve known my ex for a little over 1.5 years. I’m a month out from a second discard. The first discard happened when she was depressed. She came back and explained and apologized. I guess I wanted to believe she would try and stay the second time. She only stayed for 2 weeks. She said she wasn’t stable yet, never loved me, and was only ever people pleasing me. She wants to be friends which I said no to and she was upset because according to her she doesn’t want to lose me. Context: she is medicated (had a medication adjustment a couple weeks before the first discard) but not in therapy.

Anyway this has been a very hurtful and confusing breakup. I really do love and miss her. Sometimes I feel crazy like maybe it was all fake even though it didn’t feel fake. I logically know it’s best to move on and be done with her. We’re no contact and maybe she’s gone for good. It has been very hard losing her so abruptly as I used to talk to and see her everyday. Any advice on moving on/healing?

Also please don’t tell me how lucky I am. I get that most of you have been through much worse and I’m so sorry for that. Understand that I don’t feel lucky and being told I’m lucky feels a little invalidating. I’ve never cared so much about a relationship and really just want to heal.

My ex girlfriend (24f) broke up with me (27f) about 3-4 months ago. She has bipolar 2 and ended the relationship during a depressive episode (she has told me this). During the original breakup she said she couldn’t show up in our relationship how she wanted to, felt guilty, and was only going to drag me down with her. She is genuinely going through a very stressful time and had a med adjustment a week or 2 before the breakup. I know I’m not perfect but I really do love her and was very hurt.

We were no contact for 3 months. I ended up reaching out recently because we were both going to a mutual friends house warming. I wanted to clear the air away from everyone else so I asked if she wanted to talk before(and maybe naively I wanted to see if there was still a chance for us). She said yes and suggested we get lunch. We got lunch and it went really well we talked and laughed for a couple hours. The house warming went really well too and we hung out most of the night. This led to us spending time together and talking for about 2 weeks. We had a long talk about her mental health and she apologized for how things ended. I told her I was open to trying again and she said she wasn’t stable enough for a relationship yet and needed to focus on therapy.

After this conversation, she continued to talk and spend time with me. A week after I told her my feelings, she said she only sees me as a friend and has been people pleasing me. She was upset that I told her I can’t offer true friendship right now. She said she would respect my decision and that she didn’t know how to navigate being just friends. I guess I’m just hurting and confused. Before all this we were so happy and talking about a future. I don’t know why she spent so much time with me just to claim she was only people pleasing me. In the moment it felt so mutual and genuine. I want to respect her and myself so we’re back to no contact. It’s shocking how fast things ended and the emotional whiplash is so hard. If anyone made it this far, what are some ways you refocus on yourself? How do I trust my memories of the relationship as true if she claims she was just people pleasing? Am I dumb for still hoping there’s a chance once she stabilizes that she’ll come back? Also thanks for reading this far if you did.

Hi all, I’ve made some comments in this sub but never a full post. I’m going to try and be brief. My ex has BP2 and broke up with me a little over 2 months ago during a depressive episode. We were friends for a while before dating and only ended up dating 7-8 months. She ended things with me saying that she couldn’t show up for me, felt guilty, and was only going to drag me down with her. She said she still loves and cares about me but doesn’t know when she’ll “be better” and can’t see the future feeling better for her. I asked if we could try a break because she knew she was in an episode and she said no. She is medicated but not in therapy. We are both in our 20s. She had been going through some genuinely stressful stuff before the break up and had a medication adjustment. I know I did my best to be supportive but she told me there was nothing I could do to help/no one can help. I’ve struggled to believe the reasons she gave for the break up but she’s never lied to me before so I don’t know.

A mutual friend of ours is having a house warming in a couple weeks. I texted my ex and broke no contact and we agreed to meet up before the house warming to talk. I don’t know what I want from this talk. I think it will be good to catch up away from everyone else but I feel torn. I love her but I don’t think I can go through this hurt again. I don’t know what she would want to do moving forward but she has been texting back messages that aren’t cold or short (nothing too personal but it seems like she wants to talk to me). If she wanted to try again, I think I’d be willing to hear her out and see if she’s made any actual changes (therapy). Has anyone ever given their bpso another chance? If so, why and what changes did you both make? Was giving them a second chance the right decision or do you regret it? I love her so much but I’m trying to decide if this is the kind of relationship I can be in long term (if she even wants to try again). I miss her as my gf and as my friend. When she’s stable things are great but I don’t want to go through life clinging to moments of stability. Even if she has made changes, I know she’ll have another episode eventually and I don’t think I trust her to stay and talk to me. She completely shut down last time and I’m afraid if I gave her another chance it would just break my heart again.