u/honeyroastedk

Hi! Starting to feel a little anxious about our sleep situation. Our baby is 3 months, 10 days old and has been sleeping 8-9 hours between evening feeds. Is this too much?

During the day she is eating 90-120 ml (3-4 oz) every 1.5-2.5 hours and over 24 hours eats between 24-29 oz a day. After her last evening feed, we swaddle and let her sleep on the couch while we watch TV and then transfer her to her bassinet next to our bed.

So, I guess is this all ok?

ETA I’m feeling anxious because I heard it’s not recommended to swaddle past 3 months but that’s how she’s been sleeping lately. Also nervous that maybe she’s sleeping too much which could indicate too deeply. I guess I’m just anxious about everything we do.

Our baby is 3 months old but we spent the first month in the NICU due to birth trauma. As you can imagine, I’ve been navigating PPD and PPA with all we’ve endured. We’re thankful to be home and settling into a routine in the midst of our weekly appointments. One thing I’ve been very surprised about is the amount of extended family who have not come to visit or call much (my family always seemed very close growing up but I live 30 miles away — which I’ve always lived 30 miles away, I grew up commuting everyday with my mom from the time I was born). I’m thankful my parents have made it a point to spend at least a day out of the week with me and baby.

So fast forward to today, my extended family asks to meet up at a restaurant in their town for a lunch for all the moms. My husband and I make the hour drive (after both not getting any sleep due to baby waking up every 2-3 hours all day, which is also not normal for her) and things are going okay. I’m even excited as I brought everyone a small gift since I’m not posting baby on socials and we had photos taken of her when she came home.

Well, 30 minutes later, we just got our entrees and baby is crying. She’s not an overly fussy baby or even a screamer, she’s usually very easy, but she was just not having it and I just felt like all eyes were on me and on her. I am trying my best to console her and I just see my younger cousins (mid-20s) just laughing, making gestures, and talking about her scream cry. I tell them to stop as I am getting more uncomfortable — I am out of my element, there’s not just a ton of my family but so many others in this restaurant, I can’t just walk outside as it’s too hot for baby. My husband can see I’m getting anxious and offers to take the baby to the car to calm down. He gets up and my cousins continue and I ask them again and they just laugh. At that point, I just say, okay I’m done, we’re leaving. The plan was to go to my aunts house after for cake and hanging out so my aunt asks if I’ll be going to her house and I said no, I’m going home.

I say bye to everyone, even as I hear my youngest cousin (who was a notorious screamer for 4 years) continue to laugh and make comments. My mom walks out with me, I hand her all the gifts I was going to give them all and tell her it’s the last time I’ll be coming to this town again. As my husband put baby in her car seat, my mom and I notice some lighter portions of her gums peaking through and my mom says she looks like she’s teething.

So I guess I write all of this because I’m feeling like a jerk and embarrassed for leaving and also like I should have known how to help my baby so we didn’t necessarily have to leave. But more than anything I am feeling so alone and isolated from my family even more. I helped as much as a pre-teen/teenager could when they all had their kids and it feels like because I’m not convenient to them, that I don’t need help or support. Just feeling like if I didn’t make any effort at all there wouldn’t be a relationship going forward.

I’m moving into a school psych role next year and I’ll be at two sites (elementary and middle school). I’m curious what teachers would actually find helpful. In my district, school psychs primarily assess and assist with students receiving special education services.

For context, I am currently at one elementary school in a counseling role where I support with behavior and social/emotional intervention. I am currently tasked with supporting all students (Tier 1-Tier 3) via SEL, classroom support, counseling and intervention. I also am pulled by admin to support with discipline (primarily restorative practices). I also am the point person on site when it comes to risk assessments, students in crisis, and potential PD/CPS situations.

Since I’ve been with the district I have consolidated helpful resources to a virtual wellness center site and created/sent out districtwide monthly newsletters for mental health resources. I’ve helped to improve our crisis intervention response and I have led training for staff to support with behavior de-escalation but I am genuinely not sure how much value teachers find in these resources.