Unbalanced expectations and processing time
Husband dx but unmedicated and currently not in therapy, I’m nt with PMDD.
Looking for advice. My husband and I have, usually, a pretty good relationship. However, it feels like I’m never allowed to be frustrated or upset with him no matter what. Apparently I’m allowed to feel those things, but I must always be 100% kind to him all the time and if I’m not I’m mean, cold, nasty, and a terrible partner. This is almost always what we argue about, and if I ever try to hold him accountable for something I am always mean about it according to him, and he’d be more receptive if I was just more kind.
Like…I’m sorry, but I’m not perfect. I try, but…I’m human? I have PMDD, and I recognize that and try to manage it as best I can but there’s no grace for me while I’m expected to have infinite grace for him. If I’m short with him once, I get punished with a day or two of one-word answers and complete disengagement, but I’m expected to be totally normal and loving when he comes back around.
I try not to let it bother me, do my own thing and have a nice day while he processes, but I’ve just spent all Sunday alone again and it’s, well, lonely!
Are unbalanced expectations standard? How have you dealt with this effectively in your relationship? Have you found a way to get your partner to process in the moment rather than ruining a whole day?