Struggling
i’m really struggling right now, it’s taking everything in me to not do the little bit of K i have left. I’m a pitiful 5 hours “clean”. I know if i run out, i CANNOT get more and that’s scary(i have the ability to, but know if i don’t stop i WILL die eventually from this).
For the past 4 days ive felt my body really struggling, after a relapse + heavy binge that was brought on by a manic episode (was put on SSRIs, they didn’t listen to me about my family history of bipolar + schizophrenia and concerns i was developing one or the other.) I had to go to the hospital the other day and am getting my gallbladder checked out, liver enzymes are increased but my other labs look fine. I was also in the hospital earlier this month because of K cramps. I’ve tried both times to bring up my concerns about my mental health to no avail.
I use to use ir for fun, but now i use it to cope with my mental health, i’ve had extremely traumatic events in the past 365 days, but also my whole life. I’ve been diagnosed with PTSD + a slew of anxiety disorders and depression. K felt like the only thing that gave me mental relief, but it’s doing the opposite at this point.
I know i need further help, but literally no doctor/psych etc will listen to me. Even my friends don’t seem as concerned as i am. i think because i haven’t lost full touch with reality they think im more stable than i am? It feels like im trying to take the right steps forward and get the help i need, but with no one helping me, it feels hopeless. I don’t want to get to a point of no return, i’ve seen with my older sibling and parents. I’m scared.