Am I out of line?
Background: wife (42f) came out to me(43m) as Bi about 4 years ago. We’ve had quite a few hills and valleys in terms of communication/understanding/acceptance in that time period. We’ve opened and closed the marriage several times. Both of us are in individual therapy but couples therapy has proven largely ineffective. Married 22 years.
Lately, I’ve had some insecurities that I’ve tried to solve by asking for reassurance about “us.” Usually it’s met with some reassurance that feels…fatigued. So I’ve tried to reimagine our situation from different angles so I’m not burdening her with insecurities. Basically I’m trying to approach with curiosity to gain deeper understanding to fully love and appreciate her as a whole. Tonight, I asked her “How do you wish me to interact with the portion of you that has same sex attraction?”
That was taken offensively and I am at a loss. Did I overstep? Am I assuming entitlement to a side of her that I just shouldn’t expect knowledge of? Any thoughts? How can I do this better? I want to love all of her but I need to understand it better to fully appreciate her.
Tl:dr- I asked a stupid question while trying to understand the sapphic side of my wife and now she’s mad at me.