r/StraightBiPartners

Help… please help. Friday night my husband, myself, and our four year old went to eat dinner at my dad’s house.
We do not see him very often because there has always been tension there and he is very narcissistic. I really wanted to try and have a relationship with my dad and so I have been texting him more and trying to see him a little here and there. Dinner went great, and my husband even opened up to him about his sexuality. About two weeks ago my husband told me he is bisexual and always has been but has been closeted all this time. He opened up to my dad about this and was received with a hug and that he was accepted. He asked my husband if he wanted to go ride side by sides Saturday morning and that he would be here to support him. He goes on and has a great time and everything is fine so I think.
Saturday my in-laws had a cookout for the holiday and me and my little family of course went. We all walked inside together but then my husband went outside and a few minutes later I realized I had forgotten the drinks in the car. When I was walking back to the car I saw my husband
Walking the same way texting and smiling and thought it was very strange. I walked behind him not even hiding my steps and he went behind the car still just enamored. As soon as he saw me step towards him his whole face froze and he tried to take his phone and not let me see it… which has never happened.
I knew in my gut immediately who they were from but had been praying I was wrong. I wasn’t. The text thread was all messages from my dad to him…. I don’t know if he was just texting back at the time I caught him or if messages were erased. They were beyond highly inappropriate…… actually they were traumatizing and I truly feel heartbroken in a way I didn’t know could exist. The messages were explicit. They also mentioned me. My own father and my own husband mentioned ME in their sexual fantasies or what the f ever.
I don’t know what to do. I’m so broken. I love my husband and our family and our life together but i cant live like this and ultimately our daughter looks up to me and i have to show her right from wrong.
If this was you what would you do?? I have been with this man since I was 17 I know nothing else. I’m
Broken.

Have questions about sexuality

Hi, I’m 24, and for my whole life, I identified as gay without a second thought. A few months ago, I started noticing that I was also attracted to girls, so I decided to explore that side of things. I’ve been seeing a really lovely girl for a couple of months now. We have a great emotional connection and mutual attraction; she’s known from the start that I’m mostly gay but open to exploring.

I’d really like to be able to enjoy intimacy with her naturally. The opportunity came up yesterday. I was really excited and nervous (it was basically my first time with a girl).

Unfortunately, I couldn't stay erect, and it didn't happen. I felt frustrated in the moment, but later I realized something important: I *did* like it—I felt attracted to her and connected with her. I discovered that I *can* be with a girl and that I’m interested in keeping at it. Right now, I’m a bit confused but excited to discover this part of myself.

I want to be able to enjoy intimacy with her without anxiety getting in the way. I’m looking for real advice from other bi men (or anyone who’s been through something similar):

• How did you handle performance anxiety during your first experiences with girls?

• Practical tips for improving erections (exercises, mindset, etc.)?

• How do you talk about this with your partner honestly and without pressure?

• Experiences from guys who went from identifying solely as gay to discovering an attraction to women.

• Any other advice that helped you while exploring your bisexuality.

Thanks in advance. I’ll read and reply to everything. I appreciate any experiences or words of wisdom you can share.

Not judging just genuinely curious and want to know people’s experiences. Were you in love with the man at some point or why did you have kids with him?

My wife and I are both in our early 30s and have been married for a couple of years. We genuinely are best friends and have always been there for each other through everything.

For a while now, I've known that she's bicurious. She's never actually explored that side of herself, but she's been open with me that it's something she's thinks about and would like to experience someday.

More recently, I've realised that I'm curious too. This has been a pretty recent discovery for me, and honestly I'm still trying to understand what it means.

The interesting thing is...I don't see any of this as a threat to our marriage. If anything, I feel strangely optimistic. It feels like this could bring us even closer and take our relationship to another level. The problem is, I have absolutely no idea what that "next level" even looks like.

I also haven't told her about my own curiosity yet. Part of me doesn't even know what I'm hoping for, so it's hard to find the words. I'm excited, but I'm also scared. I don't want to create confusion or pressure when I'm still figuring things out myself.

Has anyone else been in a situation where both partners discovered they were curious after getting married? How did you approach those first conversations? Did it bring you closer, or did it open up challenges you hadn't expected?

I'd really appreciate hearing other people's experiences.

I (F55)have been with my husband (M50)for 11 years. Married for 4 years. Throughout the relationship, there have been times that he “play acts” being gay . You know the type : always joking around with other men and “pretending” to be gay for them ,or accusing other men of being closeted. It gets to the point of discomfort for me because it happens WAY too much. He always gets oddly attached to male coworkers and always finds a way to bring them up in conversations like anyone does when they have a new crush. I am aware that all of this sounds gay AF. But here comes the confusing part. He appears very attracted to me , bugs me all the time for sex and is pretty decent at it. Loves to go south of the border , finishes 99.9%. No ED or issues maintaining an erection which is why I am thinking BI. I want to add that my daughter is queer and her gay male friends are around often. He always needs to find reason to discuss “how gay” they are. Like WTF you have a gay thermometer? She has been friends with them for years. One is amazing performing and just was accepted to his dream school. The other just lost his mom to cancer. Why would their sexual
orientation even need to be discussed when there are so many other things to talk about? They have been out since middle school. This Is old news and really not news at all.

So here is my real question? Do I ask him straight up or try to unpack this with therapy? Do I let it go and just keep looking the other way? It has always weighed on me and I am asking myself why or if I really need to know. Anyone else been in this situation

TLDR: I think my husband is gay or bi. Should I ignore it or confront him directly?

My husband (26M) and I (29F) have been together for 4 years and married less than a year. I'm looking for advice because I feel stuck in a cycle of dishonesty, and I don't know how to move forward.

From the beginning, I was very open about my sexuality (I'm bisexual and have had relationships with women). Whenever I asked about his sexuality, he'd describe himself as "straight-ish" but never elaborated.

About two years into our relationship, I accidentally discovered searches for gay porn on his Reddit account while using his phone. When I brought it up, he eventually admitted he'd been watching gay porn since he was young and had two sexual experiences with men in college. He said he enjoyed parts of those experiences but never explored further and had no intention of telling me about any of it.

I wasn't upset that he had same-sex attraction. I was hurt that he had hidden a significant part of himself from me while I had always been completely open with him. I encouraged him to explore these feelings through therapy, journaling, or self-reflection. He said he would.

Over time, I worked through my feelings in therapy. Sometimes I felt accepting and understood that fantasy doesn't always equal real-life desires. Other times I felt deceived, inadequate, or worried I was a placeholder.
He proposed, I said yes, and we got married. Then things escalated.

During our honeymoon, I discovered he had been masturbating to porn while I slept. That hurt, but I tried to move past it.
A few months later, I found evidence that he had been on Grindr. When confronted, he admitted he had been trying to find old nude photos from a man he hooked up with in college because "real people" were more arousing to him than porn. I was devastated.

That conversation led to some major breakthroughs. He finally acknowledged that he's bisexual, came out to his family, started therapy, began working out regularly, and we've worked on communication through weekly check-ins. He has repeatedly reassured me that he wants a monogamous life with me.

Recently, during one of our weekly talks, I asked how things were going. He told me he'd been avoiding porn and either masturbating without it or using videos we'd made together.

The next day, I found multiple porn searches from just a few days before that conversation.
When I confronted him, he admitted he lied because he felt ashamed and hoped he could eventually stop using porn altogether.

That's where I'm struggling. The issue isn't that he's bisexual. The issue isn't even the porn. It's the repeated dishonesty. Every major setback in our relationship has involved me discovering something first and then getting the truth only after confrontation.

I love him. I want him to feel safe being fully himself. I support him exploring and accepting his sexuality. But I don't know how to rebuild trust when honesty only seems to happen after he's caught.

Has anyone been through something similar? How do you move forward when the core problem is shame-driven dishonesty rather than the underlying behavior itself?