u/iamjanicefromfriends

We adopted a lurcher over a month ago from a specialist rescue. He started displaying certain behaviours which we are finding difficult to train and safely manage (mostly extreme separation anxiety and reactivity outside that doesn’t help his anxiety). We said from the get go we couldn’t manage SA as we are a working household and the dog must be left for 4 hours at a time, which they said would be no problem. We took 2 weeks off the the beginning and started desensitisation training from day 2 and so far he has consistently managed only a few seconds before escalation. The reactivity isn’t ideal but in isolation is not a huge problem. We have used the help of certified sighthound trainers, Dogs Trust behavioural helpline and the lovely Redditors on here and the general idea is if we can’t stay at home until he can fully manage being home alone, we can’t keep him.

We live in a central London flat and the neighbours have the right to get us or the dog kicked out if he continues to bark and howl, which is what he does the moment we leave him. The rescue is both suggesting methods like crating and leaving him on a schedule (so 4 hours twice a day morning and afternoon) until he gets used to it and ignore his distress (so his howling, crying, destroying whatever is in the crate, ignore the neighbours when they file a complaint), using a halti to control him during breakdowns on walks (he chokes on them and struggles, and many professional we have spoken to told us to stop) as well as flat out rejecting our request to return. We have given them a date until we can’t keep him, we have spoken with other rescues who fully confirm this was a bad match and it’s disgusting behaviour from their side, sadly we cannot find anyone who can take him due to full capacity until end of the year or they need the original rescue’s written approval to rehome (eg Dogs Trust). Frankly, the rescue’s responses to us have been threatening, rude, unhelpful and very dismissive, saying he showed no SA at their kennels so we are downright lying and are too lazy to take care of a dog. We cannot find a full time dog sitter that can stay at our home for 9 hours straight most of the week and also handle his reactivity outside. All dog walkers have mostly ignored us once we tell them about his reactivity, meaning he needs ongoing training when walked, need a solo walk and more or less every work day. Nobody is able to help rehome him, and no dog sitter is able to help consistently. If we need a sitter to go on a grocery run or celebrate an anniversary at our local cafe, his anxiety is high.

We have had him assessed at the vet and also with a qualified behaviourist, he has severe SA that will takes months at least to rehabilitate, if even possible, hinting we were not the right fit from the start. The rescue says this is BS and says it is our fault and whatever behaviour he shows is not grounds for returning, which is said in the contract. The contract says we are not allowed to rehome him to anywhere else and if we cannot keep him he must return to them. She refuses to cooperate and say it’s our dog, our responsibility and we face the consequences but we must stick to the contract.

Our only option now is a pound surrender, which is extremely sad because he is otherwise a wonderful dog and would be a perfect fit for a family outside of London with people at home all of the time. On the other hand, both of our bosses have noticed we are not able to spend as much time at work, we are distracted and mentally drained and have both said that we need to return to the office immediately or risk our jobs. We are both mentally exhausted, stressed and I have a chronic flare up due to all of this. I have stopped eating due to the stress and anxiety and not knowing what the next move is and what aggression will come from the rescue new. Amongst all of this, we realised we cannot safely keep him without destroying our lives in the process. Again, rescue is unhelpful and returning him there is absolutely not an option. The general response we have from them is along the lines of ‘you made your bed you lie in it, you made a lifelong commitment so we are trapping you’. They said we went against their advice and listened to professionals and the vets advice, this is why we are in such a bad position so we have to live with the mistake. They have shown other red flags throughout the process, such as dismissing our concerns about his fear-based dog reactivity (they said before adoption he’s over excited to play with other dogs) and saying that other lurchers have it worse than him so we need to stop complaining.

We are now not looking to rehabilitate him for months, or use medication. We want him to find the right home now before he bonds and before we both collapse of mental overload. What do we do now? Seek legal action (the way she manipulates her words in her responses makes it sound like it’s entirely our fault so do we even have a case)? Stand outside the rescue and demand them to take him (they won’t)? My partner is considering showing up every weekend outside their door with our dog and telling everyone coming in to rescue a dog the truth. Because when Dogs Trust, Battersea, All Dogs Matter and certified clinicians tell you the rescue is appalling and unethical, you have to believe them. When owners of sighthounds that know how tough they can be to manage in a busy city tell you he likely isn’t the right fit and how awful the rescue is to suggest her methods, you have to believe them. He doesn’t deserve to go to the pound and get euthanised. What do we do?

Edit: we both have experience with dogs in the past but this is our first dog together and first experience with sighthounds overall. We don’t take commitments such as getting a dog lightly, but we also know when it’s a bad match and when we are beyond our capacity.

I’m here because I have nowhere to go. I adopted a rescue 1.5 months ago under the assumption that he could be left alone for several hours a day so I can go to work. The rescue said he’d be perfect for it and he can be left alone for 4 hrs morning and 4 hrs afternoon with a dog walker in between, which is rare already but they kept claiming he’d be ok with it. They mentioned he is overly excited with other dogs. After some thought, I decided to adopt him. They really really did guilt me into doing this and I ultimately trusted their judgement and took him home.

Long story short, it’s not a good fit at all. He has severe SA, reacts to all dogs and wildlife on walks, even in the middle of the night we will see something. This makes his SA worse and I can’t leave him, dog sitters can’t cover the full work day and a lot of walkers have refused to walk him due to reactivity. I haven’t left my house in 1.5 months without a dog sitter pre-planned and it’s causing a lot of stress, anxiety and health issues for me.

I’ve been in constant contact with the rescue over the last 1.5 months, they had given me all sorts of advice good and bad and it’s come to a point where I sent them a very official and well formulated message about needing to return him but I can foster for a few weeks until they can find a better family.

They have refused to acknowledge any concerns and instead has given even more advice, saying I need to crate him and just leave him and he will get used to it. Etc etc etc. I have realised this is more than I can handle. The neighbours will surely file a complaint if he barks and howls during the day, and he’s definitely fearful, anxious or possibly even aggressive towards other dogs I’m out of my depth and admit it and he needs to live somewhere where he isn’t left 8 hours a day 3-5 days a week, where it’s not an urban environment with dogs absolutely everywhere. But the rescue claims it’s a me problem, that we are perfect for him. He is affectionate and calm at home, but only if I stay at home and never leave my house for the next 10+ years. They literally refuse to even discuss bringing him back. It’s in the contract to return him if I can’t keep him, so doing anything else will lead to many issues. What do I do?

Edit: I took 2 weeks off work, started separation training right away, have enrolled in a dog training course with a professional and his reactivity and SA is getting worse. I’ve contacted way too many dog behaviourists and sought many second opinions. Despite all this, the rescue is basically saying that we just need to try harder and that they won’t take him back.

My wife and I adopted a rescue greyhound lurcher (non racing) a month and a half ago and on the second day we started having regrets. He was a lot to handle and was completely different to any other dog we had before. We stuck with it and while he improved, he has many issues that are tricky to fix. He’s insanely reactive to other dogs, he has a huuuuge prey drive and it makes it almost a hazard to walk him (we live in central London), he has bad separation anxiety and we both work in the office, he is quite anxious in general and doesn’t take well to being dropped off at my parents or neighbours and he just doesn’t settle. We’ve not left the house for the entire 1.5 months without him, we have spent way too much on dog sitters and have taken so much annual leave just so that he wouldn’t be alone and many of our previous activities with our previous dog was to take walks in our local super dog friendly neighbourhood, go to cafes and meet friends etc. There’s so so many dogs in our area this just wouldn’t be possible. We can’t leave him home to go out and do these things ourselves.

Many dog walkers have cancelled or completely ignored us once we tell them he is reactive. We’ve lost most of our options but at this point a walker won’t even be needed because he can’t be alone anyway. Half the time he will whine and howl and pace and our neighbours are already affected (they work from home fully and have young children). The other half he will appear fine but then jump up after 15 minutes and start looking for us and panic. It’s not a life we want to not be able to leave the house, and there’s so many families or couples out there that don’t have just a strict work schedule, don’t live in such an urban environment or are retired. He can have a much larger garden, owners that don’t need to leave him alone at all, and no scary tubes and urban foxes coming up to him on the daily (yes they’re fearless). He deserves the best and we have realised we can’t give that to him without severely damaging the next 10 years of our relatively young lives (and our careers). I know it sounds selfish and we could have thought it through beforehand, but the shelter wasn’t honest with us before we got him. It’s also ruining our marriage and we only got married 3 months ago but we’re already on the verge of taking a break because we’re so tired and overwhelmed and have been arguing constantly because of the stress and lack of sleep. We’ve sought out two professional trainers and even spent half of our monthly salary on a few in-depth sessions but he’s not improved. We’ve spent so much on all sorts of enrichment toys and chews and have even already booked out 2 months worth of dog sitters, but it’s not a long term solution. After a dog sitter, he gets even more anxious. So we took annual leave and committed to training his separation anxiety from the ground up, but we’re stuck at a very inconsistent 10-15 minutes. We’ve sought so much help around us, but even my parents who love dogs said after one day that they can’t help us out because of how he growled and lunged at other dogs and they couldn’t control him. This is how committed we wanted to be but it’s taking a toll and we’re seeing a future like this for the next 10+ years.

The sad thing is that so many people, even trainers, say that’s he’s actually very good for a rescue. I assume they mean he’s not downright aggressive or have other even worse problems? I don’t want to be swayed into keeping him, even though he has so so many good things about him and anyone with a compatible lifestyle would be honoured to have him.

What do we do?

We adopted a rescue greyhound cross (unsure crossed with what) a month and a half ago. He was pretty anxious the first month but settled quite fast after that, and we’re finally able to leave him for about half an hour alone. He whines and occasionally howls when we leave him alone for the first minute or two but then settles down, but on occasion whines on and off for the 30 minutes and isn’t really fully relaxed. We started with second intervals and got him used to that, working to 30 mins slowly. He can be pretty independent in the home but still wants to look for us after an hour or two of being in a different room.

We’ve been relying on my parents coming and dog sitting when we’re both at work, and have a dog sitter (local woman needing temporary work) on the days my parents can’t do. However, I just got the news that due to my grandfather’s health, my parents are flying back to Australia next week for the next few months. Due to their age, they may want to return and retire there soon anyway, which I was also told today. We can’t find anyone to help us and honestly it’s not in our budget to get a dog sitter 5 days a week.

Do you think in 3 weeks from now he can handle 4-5 hours alone at a time? We have a dog walker set up halfway through the work days. A friend with a greyhound says that it’s way too soon, but someone else we know with a lurcher says it will be fine and he’ll just get used to it. We also have events to go to, birthdays and anniversary coming up and will struggle finding a last minute dog sitter that our dog approves of. He is also quite reactive to certain things like other dogs so daycare is not possible. He can’t join us anywhere because of it. What do we do?

I adopted a lurcher a month ago, abandoned by previous family, whom I picked up from the shelter. He was already neutered and is thought to be about 5 years old.

He’s been doing very well inside the house, and very good with suburban city noises. Not good with animals and other dogs. I’m on a 3 month sabbatical so have 2 left to go. He’s pretty independent inside the home, always preferring to sleep away from me in the dining room or his bed far from the sofa where I usually am but follows me around when I’m doing something interesting or when he’s bored. Sometimes I forget he exists until he comes back in the room to make sure I’m alive or to bring me to bed… I’ve started desensitising him to the door and he can manage a few minutes alone when I need to throw out trash or fetch the mail. My neighbour has been kind to pop in when I need to run errands but sadly she’s moving next month and the new neighbour doesn’t take kindly to dogs…

After I leave, it takes him a few seconds to come to the door and whines. The whining is sometimes only a few seconds or it can be on and off, but he always ends up lying down one way or another. I’ve not needed to test the waters beyond a few minutes so I have no idea what he will do. How do I know he’s ready for anything longer? I have cameras set up already. Like many lurchers he’s quite vocal during the day. I keep hearing people comment on the multitude of Reddit posts on this saying to never leave them longer they can tolerate but I don’t know what that is. My sister comes to the city once a week for work and drops by for dinner and he whines when she leaves, so I think it’s more nuanced than just blanket separation anxiety. He doesn’t look 100% relaxed if I leave though.

I’d like him to manage 5 hours in the future when I get back to working. I can have a walker come by during the work day but when during the day isn’t guaranteed yet. Because he’s reactive to animals (we get horses, cats and dogs a lot in our area) he always has some sort of meltdown on a walk, so I’ve been limiting those. He has a good run in the garden. Does his alone training progress sound promising so far?