u/iamnotgoodatthis19

Please don't just delete my post, im begging for help here and every subreddit I post on just deleted it and I'm left here not knowing where to go or who to talk to. Every Reddit group has like a billion rules and I can't remember every single one for every different group. Please actually talk to me rather than just abandoning me like everyone seems to want to do.

I'd like to preface this by saying I'm not looking for flirting or dating or anything like that, I'm trying to figure out how I fail so spectacularly every single time. No one ever tells me why. I need someone honest and respectful.

I have never had any problems making friends with women. In fact, I'd say through most of my life I've had more female friends than male. That's part of why my situation now is so shattering, I can barely even talk to women now because I'm so terrified that this will be the interaction that finally pushes me over the edge of depression.

I have tried to get therapy - unfortunately it's almost impossible in the UK right now, as most therapists are fully booked or too expensive, or absolutely terrible at their job. I still send emails every week trying to find one but I haven't had any luck in months.

I don't want to go too into the exact situation here because I already feel like the most pathetic man in existence and the embarrassment of even being in this situation is already too much to bear.

I already have a partner, but they are asexual, and that seems to be a theme. I love my partner more than life itself and I don't blame them in any way. But it's starting to affect me that the only people that are interested in me are people with no sexual desire. I used to think I was absolutely hideous, but I do occasionally have people showing interest. It just seems to be as soon as they find out anything about me, that attraction and interest evaporates in front of my eyes and I can watch as the messages go from flirty and engaging to one word answers, dismissive replies and eventually ghosting.

I seem to have a two part filter. We start talking and they're definitely interested, flirty even. Even going as far as sending spicy pics, which is usually the furthest I get. Then, at some point, it inevitably comes up that I am disabled with some muscular problems. That usually is enough to start the "change". If it doesn't, it's usually the next thing. As soon as people find out I am traumatised by power dynamics in sex (both Doms AND subs), they definitely change then. All attraction evaporates immediately.

Some people say I should put this in my bio to filter out ableist people and the people who seem to be exclusively looking for Doms and subs. But when I do that.....I get zero replies. Zero matches. Zero interest at all. I need to hide it and then hope that they like my personality, so that when they find out there's a tiny chance that they might stick around because they like me as a person.

People also told me to talk to more LGBT+ people as they were "more welcoming". Unfortunately that hasn't been my experience either. In fact, some of the worst interactions I've ever had was with LGBT+ people, who have even belittled me and bullied me because I didn't want to be a Dom or a sub. These were some of the interactions that truly made me terrified of women. I even needed to hospitalise myself after one particularly venomous interaction.

Are power dynamics essential for sexual interactions now? I knew they were a thing, I just didn't expect it to be like....100% of people I meet.

Please send me a message rather than a comment, I don't like talking about this publicly and will probably end up deleting this humiliating post as soon as I can.