Sister holds a grudge for ages for her own selfish reasons
I (43F) have a sister (41F) where our relationship is literally black and white. We get along but then we don't. She is known to hold a grudge on you for months and even years if you piss her off. It's honestly ridiculous.
Almost 2 years ago, she had to move out of my aging parent's house along with her dog, Klaus, a big German Shepherd. He was a well mannered and sweet dog but he was huge. While my sister lived there, my mom (75 F) and sometimes my dad (70 M) (she's retired and dad still works) would care for him while my sister worked. Anyways, she had to move out because my parents were selling the house and moving into an attached MIL home by my brother. It was feasible because my mom couldn't handle the stairs anymore, she falls easily and so my brother had them move there, but also so that he and his wife can monitor and do what they need help with. My sister wanted my parents to have this "shared custody" bs over Klaus. A month after they moved, my mom was watching him and was (I think) trying to put a leash on him so that she can take him to go the bathroom outside. The yard isn't fenced so she had to leash him so that he didn't run off. While doing that, she lost her balance and fell. Hit her forehead and broke her wrist. She couldn't get up so she was screaming for help and thankfully, my brother's boys and wife were there and immediately helped her. She had to get stitches and a cast for her wrist. She was literally bleeding all over her face and it broke my heart. My brother and I were not initially happy about this "shared custody" arrangement my sister had with my parents because of how fragile my mom is and that Klaus is too big of a dog for her to care for.
So my brother had us all siblings in the chat to let us know what happened. I saw red and literally got after my sister for her selfish reasons. If she can't care for a dog full time, she shouldn't have him. And that my parents, especially my mom, shouldn't have to care for him for a week or so. I also said "it's time for us to take care of mom and dad, we don't need them to take of us anymore" and that literally pissed her off. She immediately blocked me and hasn't spoken to me since. I and also my brother, did what we thought was right in defense of my mom. She's extremely fragile and senile.
I went over there to visit and my dad and I yelled at each other because I didn't like that mom had to dog sit Klaus alone. My poor mom, with her sweet self, "oh he's just a good dog. It's not his fault" whereas my dad thinks it's totally okay. He loved the dog (BTW, the dog passed away last year) and still wanted to keep the "custody arrangement". I told him "I care more about mom, than the damn dog at this point and "sister" is old enough to find arrangements for him." That set him off. I didn't care.
My brother won't allow her in his house. In his words" I won't allow someone full of hate in my house and around my family. I don't want her crusty carcass around "lol
At Thanksgiving last year, we had to go to a restaurant because he didn't want her at his house. So we, the family, met up. The second my sister saw me, she made a disgusted look, rolled her eyes and turned away. Okay, you do you. Be full of hate.
I've tried to break the ice ever since. I would say" happy birthday " or" I'm sorry about Klaus" and then recently sent her a long nice message that she's still my sister and that I still love her. NOTHING back from her. I'm just the type to talk it out, apologize and move on. I can't stand holding a grudge.
I'm at the point where I would not consider her my sister anymore. The hate, the toxicity and the selfishness on her part is not something I want to be around. Why can't she take accountability and accept that my mom couldn't care for the dog?
It is exhausting. I would like to ask on what you would do. Keep trying or just move on and act like she doesn't exist anymore?
TL;DR
Sister had my senile parents dog sit her big dog almost two years ago, which ended up with my mom getting seriously hurt. I said some things to her in defense of my mom and she has not talked to me ever since.