▲ 5 r/leaves
i'm a drag queen. today i did drag makeup and a wig for the first time since quitting and it was significantly harder and more exhausting and less fun. it also looked like shit. i had a breakdown in my bed wondering if that was it for me until i DBT'd myself into trying again. it wasn't perfect the second time around but i'm feeling a lot more confident now.
i'm also nervous about performing since i feel like it's a lot easier to do drag high because 1) my body isn't screaming at me about the impending crash and 2) i'm disinhibited so i dance better. but i believe in myself!!
i'll update on how it goes at my show tomorrow!!! love you all and stay strong & sober
u/icouldbealibrarian — 4 months ago
▲ 2 r/leaves
it's like nostalgia but evil. i've been sleeping a lot and i'm still exhausted. i'm really worried about how being sober will affect my ability to work. i hope it doesn't stay like this for too long. i feel lonely even when i'm around other people.
writing is harder. i went to visit my parents and i'm pretty sure they like me less when i'm sober. but at least petting the cats is still nice.
here is a little song i wrote when i was having urges:
i am a grown adult and i'm taking back my willpower
i am a grown adult and i don't need to smoke any flower
i am a grown adult and i choose what makes my heart flutter
i am a grown adult and i don't need to eat cannabutter
i am a grown adult and i don't want my dopamine spoiled
i am a grown adult and i don't need to vaporize oil
thank you and i'll be back for day 3 i love you all
u/icouldbealibrarian — 4 months ago