Hi, I'm Insane and Emotional - it's nice to meet you
Flair post *Current OW*
Should I be waiting?
Hi. I've never told anybody nor written out the details but I'll try to condense my situation.
I'm the OW to a MM which is why I'm here. From what I've been reading here and elsewhere on the net I'm pretty much in the same boat as a lot of people. 1 year together, we work together, have secret meet ups outside of work, have talks of the future and what that means in reality - both the good and the ugly, have been open about our feelings towards each other.
He says he is ready to leave his marriage and he was ready before we met. I believe him.
The issue is that MM, his wife and their kids are only in my country on a visa. They are on a pathway to permanent residency but his wife is the visa holder, he is the dependant spouse. If they were to seperate before the residency is finalised he would be sent back to their home country.
Over the last year I have tried to go NC and it never lasts. He told his wife back in November that he wanted to seperate. We had discussed him telling her when the time was right but he didn't wait for the right time and believed that she would be reasonable and understand that their relationship wasn't making either of them happy and boy was he was wrong. He was kicked out of the house within the hour with no clothes, no wallet, no passport, nothing but his phone.
4 days later she called and asked him back home for dinner. We had talked about what would happen if he didn't go back and say he was wrong, that he didn't want a seperation etc. She's accused him of seeing someone else, searched his phone, emails but found no evidence.
Since then it's been harder to communicate or see each other outside of work and it's been hard on us. His car and phone are being tracked, all mobile use monitored and any spare time is being filled with errands, only he isn't allowed to run errands without her with him.
Residency could take anywhere from tomorrow to 2 years down the track to be approved.
I know I want and see a future with him but can I get through another possible 2 years of this?
I don't feel like he's not choosing me, I understand the visa conditions are blocking him from making any decisions right now but my brain and my heart cannot reconcile this pain.
I don't know if I'm asking for advice or just putting the words out into space.