5 years Clean and struggling, this close to going back
I've been clean a while now, lost everything house ,wife, family, son
The fact im never gonna see my son again kills me I've tried to make amends . And the uncomfortable truth is I was happier taking oxys benzos and crack. Everything I try flops ,I can't get a decent job. Im just waiting to die . And the anticipation is too much. If im gonna end it anyway. Why not at least indulge in a moment of peace. Does it matter? I battled so hard to get clean and for what. 9 hard rattles for nothing. I put a brave face on and everyone thinks im dealing with it , I feel nothing. No emotion, no happiness. I was this close to escaping but couldn't die knowing my housemate would have to suffer the trauma of finding me , something I've had to live with myself since I was a kid. If this is as good as it gets then what are we doing. I go meetings, I've done the steps didn't make a blind bit of difference, I was born opiate dependant maybe it's just fate I die the same way