Been trying to quit long term opioid use of mainly kratom and 3-4 yrs of subs to maintain w/o krat. I feel I need support or that it will help me through this. I’m nervous about my first meeting and it starts in an hr. I feel like 💩 because I tapered down to enough krat to sleep. Will I stick out to the point of being more uncomfortable? What should I do when I get there?
Hey y'all, rewriting this post cause my original got deleted for being too long.
I've been going to meetings for around a month or so, but honestly I've been struggling a lot with participating in the meetings because I'm visually impaired and hard of hearing, and as far as I can tell, everyone else in the meetings seems to be fully sighted and fully hearing.
My area does have CODA (Child of Deaf Adult) meetings, but I'm not a CODA. I don't know any ASL or Pro-tactile ASL so I can't ask anyone I know personally to interpret for me. Plus I'm hard of hearing, not deaf, and have had no exposure to Deaf culture, so I'd feel like an outsider going to a Deaf or CODA specific meeting. With my current meetings, I already know the area and the other members, so I'd rather not have to relearn and reorient myself around a new area with new people. My usual meetings are fully accessible to me, I have no issues physically getting to the meetings on time.
My main issue is having a lot of trouble hearing what other people are saying, even with my hearing aids in. And due to my vision impairment, I can't effectively lip-read and the room setup would make doing lip-reading on everyone an impossible feat anyway. The room's set up is a big circular table in the middle and chairs along the walls, I have an easier time if I'm at the center table, in the middle of the meeting. However, I'm still struggling a lot, and a possible solution I had come to mind was to have a device in front of me doing live transcription for me, either in a large print font that I can read or being read out by a screen reader in an earbud loud enough for me to hear and process but not loud enough to be heard by others. I'm unsure if it'd be allowed or not, or if it'd make anyone uncomfortable, even if it's not recording and saving anything. So what do y'all think? Should I just ask the meeting lead if this would be okay next time I go to a meeting? Or am I overthinking over this potentially being a big deal?
I’m clean for two years, and so much has changed.
I was in college while I was in active addiction, and I was mostly a C/D student. I was getting high all the time, had no real sense of direction, and honestly just felt depressed more than anything.
Now I’m coming up on two years sober, I’m about to graduate with my bachelor’s degree, and my next goal is medical school. I’m no longer living paycheck to paycheck because I’m spending all my money on pills and marijuana. I feel like I actually use my brain now instead of constantly living in a fog, and it’s crazy looking back and realizing how much has changed.
Even the way I take care of my dog has changed. She was ALWAYS spoiled rotten (and my profile definitely has the pictures to prove it 😂), but somehow I take care of her a million times better now. I’m more present, attentive, responsible, and able to give her the life she deserves.
Sobriety didn’t magically make my life perfect, but it gave me the ability to actually build a life I’m proud of. Two years ago, I genuinely wasn’t this version of myself.
In Mexico, very few groups have a somewhat unique way of working the Steps. We have reading meetings using the book It Works: How and Why and the guide to work the steps. We start with Step One, read some paragraphs, and then a member who has already worked the Steps this same way shares their story and their perspective on what we just read. Then the moderator reads another section, another member shares, and so on.
When we get to Step Five, we go to a kind of spiritual retreat to the woods or somewhere far from the city where the members who are “working the Steps for the first time” write a personal history based on six specific questions about their past.
All of this writing and reading takes place over three days and two nights without sleeping. Then, on Saturday night (we start Friday afternoon, and usually the writing is finished around that time), they read all they wrote to a sponsor—someone who has already worked the Steps this way.
I know that the literature says that there is not a unique way to work the steps but I did the steps this way and it has worked for me. I am 4 years clean now. (Don't misunderstand me, I'll be an addict until the day I die)
I also know that there are members who worked the steps in a traditional way (with the history of just one sponsor) and they are also clean. I'm just curious.
Have you ever come across someone there for cannabis addiction? Is it common or weird to share about that as your only DOC if you’ve never done hard drugs and don’t have interest?
I've been clean a while now, lost everything house ,wife, family, son
The fact im never gonna see my son again kills me I've tried to make amends . And the uncomfortable truth is I was happier taking oxys benzos and crack. Everything I try flops ,I can't get a decent job. Im just waiting to die . And the anticipation is too much. If im gonna end it anyway. Why not at least indulge in a moment of peace. Does it matter? I battled so hard to get clean and for what. 9 hard rattles for nothing. I put a brave face on and everyone thinks im dealing with it , I feel nothing. No emotion, no happiness. I was this close to escaping but couldn't die knowing my housemate would have to suffer the trauma of finding me , something I've had to live with myself since I was a kid. If this is as good as it gets then what are we doing. I go meetings, I've done the steps didn't make a blind bit of difference, I was born opiate dependant maybe it's just fate I die the same way
Hi all! I’m on a committee for Activities in my area, and we’re planning our annual Event for the Newcomer in October. It’s an all-day thing held at a large local church—there’s several panels, a main speaker, and a clean time countdown at the end of the event. We give away literature to newcomers as well, since they’re our focus. However, I guess I’m just looking for ideas on anything else we could do or special things we could give away. Anyone ever attend an event as a newcomer and have something really make an impression of them? I’m trying to think of my own time as a newcomer in recovery but I didn’t go to large events due to my debilitating shyness 😅 I’d appreciate any input, thanks for reading
Im 21 years old currently in rehab. my sponsor is similar to me and used both drugs and alcohol but chooses to be in AA. I like NA but i just feel like i dont belong because throughout my using years i was addicted to dxm, benadryl, and 7oh. i dont feel like i had a set drug of choice but rather im just a substance abuser. I just feel like a kid for using dxm, benadryl, 7oh, benzedrex, phenibut, whippets, all the stuff u can get OTC, but deep in my addict brain all ive been doing is chasing the high i got when i was 16 and took expired hydrocodone. I cant explain the feeling i felt when i was in possession of hydro or oxycodone. its almost akin to the love i have for my partner its that deep. i used to dogsit just so i could rummage thru peoples houses for pills. ive sold my prized possessions all to stop some fucking 7oh withdrawls. ive nodded off 7oh and hallucinated demons grabbing at me so many times. while in aa meetings too... but i really just still feel like my 16/17 year old self wishing someone would stop me from taking so much dxm n benadryl. i used to fantasize about a cashier asking me if i was ok. id be buying my dxm and when the guy asked if i was 18 i said im 16 and he would laugh and give it to me. i used to sit in my bathroom taking shots of delsym til i felt like i was a baby in my mothers arms again. i was arrested for dui in that same jacket and now im recovering in that same jacket. i used drugs to cope with my bipolar disorder, only making it worse.
this last time i was supposed to be sober, i had a drink right as i got out of residential. ive picked up 90 day chips for 7oh in aa after drinking the night before. I switched from vodka and water to a crisp blue four loko or a few 99 brand shots. i used whippets, i abused my gabapentin, i abused so much benadryl, all while in php and iop, considering myself sober bc i wasnt using 7. i relapsed on weed and went off my meds and used 7oh because i thought i was gonna end my life i was so manic. this time i was taking a bunch of it knowing id throw up just to chase the little extra highness i would get off of it. im kinda going on a tangent.
i just feel like in aa im disconnected, while in na im just a baby otc druggie who doesnt have any say. i almost took heroin but thought my 7oh addiction would do, thank god. thank god i never had a steady supply of painkillers and thank god i never found a ketamine plug. i kinda just needed to rant and get other peoples opinions. I know its my own decision but i really just feel like a permanent 16 year old dexhead
Every time I have a closing shift I stay up all night doing coke then I want to call out the next morning. I really do have a serious problems, I’m wondering if I should go to the doctor tomorrow and ask for help so I can have a real excuse for calling out. I still might get fired bc it’s like the 4th time. Is this just a cope out??
My main issue is that my manager and the other person I’m working closest with would know coke symptoms. I sweat so fucking much bc of it. I can lie and say it’s hot?! Maybe do one line during my shift to ease the anxiety??
Today I’m celebrating an achievement I’ve haven’t had in over 6 years I feel amazing and my life is going great.
Hi folks,
I’m 14 years clean. I work the 12 steps to the best of my ability. I sponsor women. I attend my home group and do service. My husband is also in recovery. And lately a lot of things have been coming across my mind. And I thought maybe I’d use this forum as a sounding board.
It’s the age of question of “Do I really need NA?”
I got clean at 20 and I was using drugs to cope because I had no other coping skills. NA has taught me so much and I continue to learn. Getting clean and finding NA was the best thing that’s ever happened to me.
So why the hell does my brain keep circling back to wanting to take a step back. Questioning if I was even an addict. Evening thinking about it brings up fear. I am about 50 percent convinced that I’m not an addict. And no one is really taking my doubt seriously except for me. What the hell is going on that my thoughts are bouncing back to not being an addict so much. Like multiple times a day.
I just finished up a step 6 and 7 and it’s shined a light on having this persona of being a “perfect NA member” and that doesn’t sit well with me. Because sometimes fear is my motivator for being in NA and sometimes love is.
For real if I stepped away I don’t think I’d have any friend anymore or the life I have today. Anyone with any insight I’d appreciate it.
Just completed step 7. And I am coming to understand (finally) how working a program can help every single day. Although the program has been working for me. I just couldn’t grasp or wrap my head around the idea that I could have my HP take my will and my life… I’m incredibly grateful for my sponsor and the people I’ve surrounded myself in recovery. On to step 8.
Let it all out.
The program is great, but it isn’t perfect. It is based mostly on text written well before many of us were born. There are issues with culture regionally, etc.
We tell new comers “take what you need and leave the rest” - for you, what was the stuff you left?
How the fuck do I ask for help without ruining my life more then I already have
I've got three days. Reality is hitting me in the face. All the nights my husband picked me up off the floor, watched me breathe while I was passed out. The times I manipulated to get what I wanted. All the wasted money. The isolation. How many people I've hurt the last thirty plus years. I'd go back and change it all if I could. I've been trying to get past the first couple of days for years. I write this with tears running down my face. I'm bursting into tears over nothing. I am not going to play the pity card here, I know others have it way worse than me. I just needed to vent. Please be kind if you choose to comment, I already feel bad enough.
I knew this could happen but I did not think it would.
I just got asked to PNP by someone I like. Never knew he did it. It was very late, so I was on my own with this.
On another night, I might not be able to resist. But for tonight at least I said no.
I was worried that I might seek out drugs. But now it was offered.
The sick thought I had was that no one takes me seriously when I say I struggle because I have so much clean time. I thought if I used and went back to day one, everyone (and myself) might take my struggling more seriously.
But I am good for today. One day at a time.
Hi, seeking a female sponsor to guide me through my stepwork. I'm currently in a 5 month program & have 9 months clean & sober. Ready to work on my steps & I'm independent & punctual, hope to hear from you 💌
I’m on a five day cruise. My last cruise was 15 years ago and I was drunk the entire time. I’m currently 1 year and 7 months clean.
Today (Day 2) I started feeling triggered. Drinking coffee and Red Bull like a mad man to avoid alcohol and give myself the dopamine hit I’m craving. When we port, I plan on finding a meeting in close proximity.
Writing here in place of calling my sponsor.
I started reaching out to people about my struggle. This was hard because my first 15 years in the program I was told not to do this.
Two people I told were discouraging. I explicitly said I would probably relapse.
But I tried again and two people were kind and helpful. They offered their phone numbers.
This was so unexpected. So different than anything I experienced before in the program.
I am still scared that I will relapse after a decade clean. But this shocked me (in a good way).
Currently living life on my terms.
This flawed ideology that exists on this rock is both obtuse and comical.