r/NarcoticsAnonymous

First let me say I respect every person beliefs whole heartedly. I often see people say things like laying the burden at gods feet, or being saved and not looking back. If you dont subscribe to a religion, what methods do you use to focus on just today. You know, sometimes taking things one day at a time can be hell in the beginning. What coping mechanisms do you guys use if you dont have a person to talk to or a religion? When its just you and your struggle, what gets you through?

I'm 15 years clean and have a great life thanks to NA. But my definition of a great life doesn't really fit the conventional mold. I feel that a lot of the time, NA (or at least some sects of it) prescribe the "success sequence" - job, marriage, children, house, white picket fence. I just don't believe in all of it. Not for me anyway. Pretty much every speaker I saw at the World Convention seemed to list all of this, and that main speaker, Anthony, said "If you don't have kids, you're missing out." Having a chosen the childfree life, I have to say I felt alienated. Not to mention, the survey that asked if you're able to have a relationship and be a parent. I've published a book and gotten tenure as a full professor, but somehow, those things don't count?

I love the program and all, and I have a nice small network I fellowship with, but I also have a larger network outside the fellowship. Some of the rhetoric is having me rethink my membership. I've spoken with my sponsor about this, but I keep going back and forth about it.

I've been clean for 52 days. Before that relapse, I had been clean for nearly a year.

I've been an addict for 10 years. It started when I was a teenager, and I got my first taste of meth. We don't need to go into all the details of what I was using because I don't want to trigger anyone. Let's just say I would use anything I could get my hands on (with a few favorites), and I did some horrible things to get stuff. I hurt the people around me, and I destroyed my health.

I'm contemplating the idea of going to an NA meeting. I'm hesitant because I know I would stand out at a meeting due to how I dress and look, and just because I'm a woman. Ideally, I would be barely noticed and not have to speak and just see what NA is like before I start speaking to anyone. But I know that won't happen because I always stand out and have people staring at me anywhere I go.

I'm also not even slightly religious. All the meetings in my area are hosted in churches. The 12 steps include god. I sort of have religious trauma, and I don't know if I could tolerate being surrounded by religion every time I go to a meeting.

I'm considering going because I'm interested in having a sense of community and being around people who understand. But I don't know if it would be safe for me to be around other addicts. I had to stop seeing my friends because we would just relapse every time.

Ultimately, I want to go because, currently, I think about getting high all day every day. And maybe it doesn't have to be that way.

Should I go to NA?

Any tips on how I can avoid standing out?

That's where I'm at right now. Admittedly I've been dealing with a lot of stressful things like finding a psychiatrist, but I think that's a poor excuse. All I can think about at the moment is how much I want to drown myself in benzos. Even though I have the medication and am taking it as prescribed, it's still there in my brain and I don't know to combat that.

It makes me think maybe I'm not actually ready to quit? Because I have to be honest if I went for a walk tonight and some one offered to sell me some Xans or K-Pins, I'd do it in a heartbeat. Obviously that would never happen because that never happens and also I'm away from any activity.

I keep fighting with my brain on finding a way to buy it online. Thinking somehow I won't get caught, or ripped off. That's really the only motivation right now, is getting caught, not even by the police but by my wife.

Is anyone who is sober experience similar thoughts? If so, how do you deal with them in a healthy manner? I know I'm technically not "sober" because I'm still taking benzos as a prescribed medication, but I'm not abusing them and honestly still feel extremely anxious because the dosage "feels too low"(a lie I'm telling myself or the truth?).

I guess a second side question, and again I understand not sober and probably will get me deleted/banned. I live in a state where THC is legal, I can buy THC pills. As stupid as it sounds, I kind of want to buy those so I can still "pop pills" and get a high but it's not the same? I guess that's probably stupid too, I was just trying to think of a safer alternative for when these cravings do come up

I picked up nine year medallion last night. My anniversary was actually Saturday but I waited for my home group. Being of service, here and elsewhere in Narcotics Anonymous has been a large part of my success I think. I urge everyone to have a service commitment. Whether taking out the trash or taking meetings in with H&I.

I never stop doing the basics, so I never had to go back to the basics. Meetings, phone calls, sponsor, steps, and service.

Keep coming back!

M21. One year clean from chronic cannabis use (and cannabis in general)

when i was 14, i couldn’t get my hands on the stuff (i was a goody goody about not wanting to get caught or have my parents find out) - but i did have friends who smoked. i was obsessed with trying it. i spent about half of my time imaging how amazing it would be to try it - i remember writing pages on pages of information about the plant. basically everything there was to know. by the time i was 17, i finally got my hands on carts and started hanging around some of the people who were really really into that shit and was instantly hooked. it was a once every few days ordeal, but by the time i tried bud for the first time at 18 in college- i was fucked. it went from “i’ll do this every weekend with friends” to going to class, dreaming about smoking, going home, hitting my cart like crazy, falling asleep, waking up, waiting for my folks to sleep, just so i could smoke a few bowls behind the house. It got even worse during the summer time. That was seriously all I did for the next 2 years. Just smoke in my garage, hide how bad my usage was from my parents, and ruminate in my thoughts. - I only ever stopped because it was advised by both my psychiatrist and my therapist - especially when i started meds. - I feel like my life is boring, I feel like i’m boring now, and I feel incredibly isolated now that i’ve had to distance myself from all of the folks in my life that utilize weed openly without refrain.

a few questions

1. is this a normal experience?
2. am i being overdramatic?
3. am i a pussy because once i start i cannot stop?
4. will NA ever take me seriously?

Hi folks. I’ve been asked to do a speak at the rehab facility I went to and I’m really nervous. They do a 9 week program that focuses on the 12 steps. In week 7 they always invite a former patient to come tell their story. I really loved hearing other peoples story and I want to nail it. What I’m asking is if someone in here got some tips for me. Everything is appreciate. Thanks

edit

Now I’m going in. Thanks to everyone in here that help me out!

Hi guys, I’m 17 and it’s been more than a year now from arguably the worst out there. And it’s been good after obviously the start but the past 2 weeks It’s just so hard. I don’t know why but it keeps getting hard, maybe evrything coming back, remembering the times, why i did it and all I don’t know. But it’s all just been so hard and I know i won’t do it because i have a very good future now and i’m gonna go do what i want with my life in 4 months. But it’s soo hard. And do I know that I won’t do it? I truly don’t know, i know i can’t but it’s been so hard lately. Honestly i’d even say equal to or harder then getting sober in the first place.

Please give me advice, if this is part of it if someone experienced this, And yes u can tell me don’t do it but let’s be real I know that myself, so u can skip that.

Idk guys I just really know and don’t want to go back.

Sorry I think Im just dumb but does anyone have link for an online meeting right now?

Ive felt pretty annoying posting in here often and clueless. The comments really helped me navigate things but I really want to say thank you the people who DMd. Even in my first meeting I only had couple minutes to speak and I was so nervous I was all over the place. People messaged me and heard my whole story and gave guidance. Its really made me want to find a community in the program. Thank you guys for helpin a stranger.

So my rock bottom was me with open wounds on my swollen hands from cellulitis. Open wounds on my swollen legs from cellulitis. Track marks up and down my arms, hands, fingers, feet, legs and a few on my forehead. I woke up one morning in an Airbnb wit my ex and left the house wit $40 to cop for us and ended up crashing into the back of someone. Cops came after 3 other cars came and closed me in so i wouldn't leave. They didnt arrest me tho, i had needles everywhere and i showed the cops my money and told them theres nothing in the whip. I had to call my ex and have her walk and drive. We copped and litterally 1street over from where I crashed she ran into the back of someone and totalled the whip. I got out ripped the mirror off and used it to shoot my shot into my forehead and leg. She got out and told me her parents were picking her up and shes going to rehab. I didnt argue, truthfully I was relieved. I knew I couldn't go on another day and so i walked to the hospital and checked in for the wounds. They kept me heavily medicated for the withdrawl for a few weeks then I got on subs. The wothdrawl was horrible. Looking my girl was horrible and not knowing what my next move was horrible. When I think about drugs I remember that low feeling. Thr broken lost alone that came wit the life of addiction.

So I unfriended and blocked someone I know from my recovery fellowship for calling me an awful name and disrespecting my identity on social media. It wasn't our first go-round. I called them out on double standards before I said "I'll be polite if we see each other in the rooms but let's limit our interactions to that."

Now I'm a little skittish about the possibility of seeing them in person; they come to my Home Group once in a while. I was hurt; that was enough to tell them to bounce.

I'm aware I have a character defect of oversensitivity and am examining my part in the exchange. Anybody have any ESH with any of these kinds of awkward situations they can share? I'm trying to not share about them in the meeting when they're in the room, but it's just so tempting.