u/imaginebeingsaltyy

First to start off, this post wasn't born out of resentment . Funnily enough despite difficulties here and there I had a relatively good childhood. Everything below applies to all but especially in cases of a good childhood.

 Here's why.

You were not asked to be here

Not a single person on this earth consented to being born. Not one. And yet somehow the people who made that unilateral decision are the ones who feel owed something for it. Life is not a gift — gifts are given to someone who exists to receive them. You were enrolled in an experience containing guaranteed grief, pain, illness, failure, and mortality without a single word of warning and without any say in the matter. Most of the time the people who insist life is a gift are, conveniently, the ones who gave it. Life CAN be great at times, beautiful even in ways hard to explain but it is just as dark as it is bright. 

Having a child is a selfish act

Lets be honest about why most people have children. Legacy. Companionship. Purpose. Someone to love. Not dying alone. Carrying on a name or culture. Nearly every reason on that list is entirely about what the parent gets out of it. "I wanted someone to love" sounds beautiful until you flip it — you created a conscious being capable of immense suffering because you wanted the experience of loving them. That's the definition of selfish. Nonetheless I give the deserved flowers to those that aren't.

Parenting is not a favor — it is the BARE MINIMUM

Feeding your child, housing them, clothing them — these are not gifts you are owed for. These are the BARE MINIMUM requirements of a role you voluntarily signed up for. And it is worth stressing voluntarily. This was not something foisted upon you that you had no say or way out of. At every stage there were options — contraception, abortion, adoption. You made a choice, repeatedly, to proceed. The moment you did, those responsibilities became your job. A landlord doesn't get lifelong loyalty for providing the housing you're already paying for.  You do not own your children. 

Children are not investments with an expected return. They are not extensions of your identity, dolls to dress up and live vicariously through, or debts that walk around on two legs. They are autonomous human beings who happened to come into the world through you. That biological or legal relationship does not generate an automatic debt on their end.

Respect is not automatic — and that's the real problem

The central issue isn't just parents who expect unearned respect. It's that this expectation is considered normal. The idea that the title of "parent" alone generates automatic, unconditional respect — regardless of whether they were present, kind, safe, or at the LEAST is a decent fucking human being— is genuinely one of the most idiotic corrosive beliefs in how we handle family. Respect is a response to behavior. It is earned the same way it is earned in every other relationship. The fact that someone was a dogshit parent and still expects deference isn't just entitled — it is outright delusional.

And to the self-righteous third parties

Perhaps the most infuriating part of this conversation is the people who have absolutely no stake in it inserting themselves anyway. The ones who — upon hearing that someone has complicated or cold feelings toward their parents — take it upon themselves to advise (let's be honest: tell) you how you should feel or speak about YOUR parents. Not theirs. Yours. These are people who know nothing about what happened in that house, what was said, what was done or wasn't done to you— and yet feel completely entitled to lecture you about respect and forgiveness as though your emotional life is a moral failing they've been assigned to correct. 

To be quite frank it comes from the most obnoxious, self righteous and quite frankly sycophantic place. But that's neither here nor there change my view.

PS: Lastly yes your life does not stop and end at being a parent —yes they should come first always but nonetheless you are a full person outside of that role. And just as a parent is not automatically owed respect, neither is a child. A bad person does not become exempt from being treated as such simply because they share your blood.

Though.....humans are complex, are we not? Easier said than done to forsake someone you love most of all your child regardless of their character. Logic doesn't get a vote. The love persists through it all whether you want it to or not