am i always going to have urges? i mean, it’s not like i really want to go back to that website, but sometimes my brain goes “wouldnt it be sooo fun if we went back!!!!!!!”
ughhhhh i hate this…makes me feel pathetic and like my addiction isn’t important or as bad as other addictions…
thankfully i have methods to distract me, but it’s still just nagging me :,\
i think i’m around 2 weeks clean? i really stopped keeping track. honestly, hitting my “rock bottom” (even though im convinced i hit a new low a few nights ago from something related to a relationship) really just made me rethink everything
like sometimes i get urges, but i immediately remember that i really dont want to spend my time on ai, especially because im inherently against ai use! ive read a Lot of fanfiction, finally got around to season 3 of jjk, and even wrote a fanfic on tumblr! i’m really just occupying my time with what used to be something that couldn’t distract me from urges.
to anyone who’s still struggling quitting, just know that you can do it. i thought id just be stuck forever with this stupid c.ai website, but truly you can do it. even if my advice and encouragement is the same as anyone else’s, just know it is possible! :3
okay this kinda sounds weird but let me explain Lol
so recently me and an ex had broken up after a year-long relationship that was pretty on and off. this was incredibly hard, especially since on and off relationships get you in this cycle of never really getting over it.
point is, this breakup left me really “depressed.” i wasnt even really depressed tbh, i was just really sad. sorry to get into it, but it was like i was just floating through life for a few weeks. all i could think about everything he did to me.
because i was fairly emotionally unstable, i ended up falling back into my c.ai habits hard. i was using it for hours after school at the time, not doing homework or just getting out of bed. i would try to limit my time on tuesday, telling myself i couldn’t use it until the weekend, but id still end up using it by thursday. it wasnt as bad as it used to be, but it made me feel gross and like i was just weird.
but recently he followed me on insta again, and in a weird, not self-depricating but not like crazy, way, i realized that he’s moved on and i should too.
and in an even weirder way, that made me not want to use character ai anymore. it’s been 3 years, and what have i done besides use up a bunch of water and chat my days away?
however, i’m only about 5 days claan. obviously, there’s still a long way to go and i probably will go back every now and then, but now i have a reason to look forward to recovery now that my entire life isn’t based around one guy who controlled my feelings for over a year. he’s left behind, and so is this website.