Letting some stuff off my chest
I found out my little sister(half sister by my mother)committed suicide in May. I'm not close to my mother or stepfather at all, when I spoke to them I asked how it happened and they just kept telling me they didn't know. I just found out last week she actually shot herself. I hadnt really grieved since I was only close to my sister when she was born, she was 23, I'm 39. I feel bad for my mother but I can't put my pride aside and be there for her. I've been a little shit most of my life due to drugs, stealing, lying. Anyone who knows an addict or been around one knows they hurt the ones they love the most. I was the addict. My daughter was born in 2017 and my mother has seen her 3 times her whole life. I've reached out to my mother so many times, other family members to ask her to contact me. I just wanted my daughter to know she has a grandmother. But nope. Nothing. I reached out to my little sister as well to see if she would like to have a relationship with my daughter. I love my little sister, I go see her every week at least once. I love my mother. I feel sympathy for my mother. When I went to the funeral I just felt so disconnected and like I put a mask on and comforted her but It felt so weird. Like I was at a funeral for someone I didn't know with people I've vaguely met. I want to be there for my mother, I just can't. I love my mother but it just feels right for her to be over there and me with my kids.. there's so much more to it.. it's just eating me up inside .. I know I'm being selfish and I don't really care.. i know a lot of people won't understand but man.. I wish i coukd explain the way a parent treats his or her kid will stick with them thru life. Even if the perspective on the kids part wasn't what it seemed.