u/immeroefter

Hello bonitas,
I know this question or title is not strictly "queer", but if there is ONE demography whose insight and wisdom I trust, it's yours. So here we go.
To say it nicely, mother-daughter relationships can be... *whistles*
Now add migration, racism, homo- and transphobia ... you know the drill. All of that will fire right back at us, the children. etc etc etc.
Long story short: I am beyond burnt out with my mothers learned helplessness and mental health issues that are nonstop off-loaded onto my shoulders. For context: I am an only child and my mother has serious mental health problems + abusive behaviours.
While from a logical and "political" perspective, I can understand, empathise with her situation, on an emotional level I am just chronically angry, disappointed and exhausted. Yes, I live in a different city that is 4 hours away and yes this is my true anchor, but Jesus, even through the phone I have to manage way too many things.

The strictly white, western tips of "setting boundaries" or "cutting off" family members won't do, because neither was I raised like that, nor can I legally permit myself to just peace out. When something happens: I am the emergency contact and the one who will held responsible (my father is severly disabled and can not intervene).

Next point: therapy. Yes, I have been in therapy for over 6 years now. We have done it all. Psychoanalysis, CBT, IFS, Psychosomatic, antirracist, queer and feminist therapists... It has done wonders to my health and without it... Idek what life would look like.
At the same time, you can not heal a wound that doesn't close. As long as my mother doesn't go to therapy herself or has a glimpse of desire to change, or even admit something is wrong, I can continue going to therapy for years. It will only do so much.

Even writing this, makes me have a big weight in my chest, because this lived experience really is not easy. If anyone has been or is going through the same, I would love to hear your insights, your coping mechanisms and whatever you would like to share.

Sending much love to all the queer daughters of color out there, I know it's a lot x

Dear all,
One year ago, this sub saved my life. I cannot thank the badass women in this community enough. So much solidarity, information and care was poured into me. I had my first lap for stage 4 endo and adenomyosis, it was a hell of a ride. 6 months later I had my IUD Mirena inserted, another hell of a ride with months and months of side effects.
But now I am pretty much living my life without thinking of my diagnosis very much.
All this to say: many people who have managed the symptoms and are living a quality life are not on this sub! So much of what you read here is people is search of help, because of a medical system and a society that have tremendously failed us.

Sending you all so much strength and love x