r/QueerWomenOfColor

Tell me how you're spending your day!

Ijs, as an older stud who prefers not to hang out in bars or dating apps, how do women meet other women over 40?

Preferably queer friends. Sometimes straight women almost make me feel predatory. Like damn now I can’t help you zip up your dress because you’re afraid I’m gonna want you?? Girl please😫

And I loveee my online friends🫶🏽 but I also want a friend in person and I haven’t found one yet. I moved to this state a few months ago and quickly realized no one really lives near me.

All I do is work and come home and go out from time to time. I have EXTREMELY social anxiety like past introverted so it is hard for me to make connections lmao.

I’m in my early 20s. And it really is harder to make friends as an adult. People don’t talk about it enough.

I wanna be with my friend(s) and just chill in the house watching movies and eating snacks🥹I’m also okay with getting cute and going out sometimes (when I’m with another person or other people my anxiety is not as bad lol) or legit just doing anything you like to do that I also would be comfortable with. I like to get an inside on people’s world and the best way in doing so, is seeing what interests them. I love it!

Ugh sometimes I think I should’ve stayed in my hometown where my people are😫😂

Are there any africans or african diaspora here? And if yes which country are you from?

Hello bonitas,
I know this question or title is not strictly "queer", but if there is ONE demography whose insight and wisdom I trust, it's yours. So here we go.
To say it nicely, mother-daughter relationships can be... *whistles*
Now add migration, racism, homo- and transphobia ... you know the drill. All of that will fire right back at us, the children. etc etc etc.
Long story short: I am beyond burnt out with my mothers learned helplessness and mental health issues that are nonstop off-loaded onto my shoulders. For context: I am an only child and my mother has serious mental health problems + abusive behaviours.
While from a logical and "political" perspective, I can understand, empathise with her situation, on an emotional level I am just chronically angry, disappointed and exhausted. Yes, I live in a different city that is 4 hours away and yes this is my true anchor, but Jesus, even through the phone I have to manage way too many things.

The strictly white, western tips of "setting boundaries" or "cutting off" family members won't do, because neither was I raised like that, nor can I legally permit myself to just peace out. When something happens: I am the emergency contact and the one who will held responsible (my father is severly disabled and can not intervene).

Next point: therapy. Yes, I have been in therapy for over 6 years now. We have done it all. Psychoanalysis, CBT, IFS, Psychosomatic, antirracist, queer and feminist therapists... It has done wonders to my health and without it... Idek what life would look like.
At the same time, you can not heal a wound that doesn't close. As long as my mother doesn't go to therapy herself or has a glimpse of desire to change, or even admit something is wrong, I can continue going to therapy for years. It will only do so much.

Even writing this, makes me have a big weight in my chest, because this lived experience really is not easy. If anyone has been or is going through the same, I would love to hear your insights, your coping mechanisms and whatever you would like to share.

Sending much love to all the queer daughters of color out there, I know it's a lot x

hey, so I do identify as queer and have known to already been demi at least as a tween (but at this point, identify as straight) but more and more as I got older and when even reading about different sexualities during my late teens and 20s, I felt the word "pansexual" resonated a bit for me.

thing is, even at practically 38, I'm so painfully shy especially even thinking about the thought of having any partner (regardless of gender) is almost impossible for me to imagine. I have been in two (straight presenting) relationships but they were both toxic (I had my hand in definitely the first one) with my last one being 5 years ago which was *extremely* toxic from his end.

I have always felt awkward around men due to how I was socialized growing up as well as anxiety even as a kid (just felt like if I was too friendly with a man or guy, it would be seen as me being at fault if something sexualizing happened and because my dad was very not much a parent, and didn't have healthy men in my life or even much in my direct life, it makes me even more awkward around them) I have always felt comfort with women, despite having a bully of a mom, maybe because I am one, too? I would like to at least establish a friendship that could lead to more with a nonman, but I don't even know where or even how to start. online makes me nervous just reading all the stories as well as my past experiences. I know I have lots of trauma that I am working through and don't want that to make me feel like I have no chance because we all have baggage. I also don't wanna lead anyone on, especially at this age, as I know not many queer women/thems wanna be that other's "first" and wanna be respectful of that.

I just, never been good at dating (first was in college by someone else approaching me that lasted 3.5 years, second was me being 26 that lasted way too long and I think caused more trauma) so, I'm not even that experienced. I don't even know how to flirt or if a flirt came and slap me upside my head🤦🏾‍♀️ I'm introverted in the sense that I'm just socially awkward, but have no problem going out to places. but at this point, I've always been going out to places by myself and would love to have at least more friends to do things with. I'm also broke and live in south jersey, so I wouldn't even know black queer spaces not far unless going to Philly and even then, I don't know them spots out there (if yall do lemme know) but, I'm not like a club/super crowded space person. I really do wanna invest in a friendship and have that be my foundation.

so, how did yall end up meeting others and going about with it? did yall grow up in more households that had parents instill some kinds confidence in yall? were yall shy and scared to approach others? did yall try to go for friendship and develop more or just went with romantic/intimate intentions in mind first and hope it worked out? did yall have other places to meet that wasn't like default social for that kinda thing like clubs, bars? (I don't like bars/alcohol too much.. I ain't gotta issue of someone drinking,, but being an alcoholic is triggering for me though as my mom is one) I know I have my insecurities and such but I'm (too) self conscious and aware of my flaws that I think they stop me in my place to do more. but I think in my case though, money is just a huge factor that prevents me from definitely wanting to go out more because gas is stupid expensive lol

I'm just really interested with yall experiences. maybe it can help boost myself or even give me more perspective and ideas to go about. friendship for me, is my ultimate foundation as I haven't really had positive, healthy relationships growing up and the couple I have now is my cat and my cousin who is like a sister to me for at least 33+ years. I feel for my case, I need to make sure that foundation is strong and we see each other as who we are and as people first and accepting each other for who we are and not what we want them to be.

So to preface this, my social circle is incredibly small: only 1 friend of mine and my gf plus my gf's family and social circle when I'm invited to stuff that includes them.
My girlfriend, my girlfriend's family, and all, except 1 other person, in my girlfriend's social circle are all white, and I'm a latina. On top of that, I've spent my whole life in poverty and my girlfriend's family is well off. A realization I had recently is that with my girlfriend and her family and social circle, literally no matter, I always will be and always will feel like an outsider, I'll always stand out, it'll always be me stepping into their world as a guest whose not on equal footing due to the class and race differences of them being in the privileged group and me being in the unprivileged group. It'll always be me stepping into their world as an outsider and never the opposite of them stepping into my world and them being in my world as invited guests who are still outsiders. I'll always be a part of the out group and they'll always be a part of the in group when I'm around them, no matter what. Has anyone else ever experienced or felt this? How can I deal with it?

Heyy everyone im21 f (im bi with a preference for woman) and i was wondering if there is any other lebanese wlw here in this subreddit who would like for us to get to know each other , i have been cursed or blessed idk haha by having a preference for lebanese women but my country is homophobic for the most part and i feel like a lot of lebanese women are still in the closet or just keep it low key wich is making it really hard to find any on top of that i have came out not too long ago so im kinda new to all this

Talking in the steamroom at the gym. This room is too small for us to be listening to you yap about the lame ass dude that texted you. Please shut the fuck up.

This space is designed for folks to share and reflect on their experiences centered around white-related topics, discussions, relationships, complaints, etc. Any and all posts around white-centered conversation must be posted in this thread.

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Hey, trying this again. Had a rough time this week trying to find a space where I'd feel like I could talk about my interests without whites imposing on me, but even after looking at that lemmy place, I'm wondering if I should just make it. So here we go.

Anyone interested in collabing on this? I have moderating experience but would prefer working with a group of mods/organizers first rather than my previous experiences (starting solo) as I find these spaces get way too big and buzzy way before I can establish a full team.

Open to also not going on Discord and going elsewhere, but no to Reddit/FB/similar sites because I don't trust these spaces to not get inundated with bots.

Would love thoughts, input, etc., let me know if you're interested or feel free to DM me!

Im in queer Facebook group chats and the Christian lesbians are in there HEAVY. I thought queer gcs would be a safe space from religion especially considering Alot of religions are against women and queer folx. I just dont understand this especially regarding black lesbians. Like religion has been a tool to colonize and oppress. I wish black lesbians would wake tf up . How you a lesbian and following male dominated religion?

Only interested in hearing from people who actually have deconstructed religion and realize the harm of it,especially since white Christian nationalism is on the rise.

Mostly I am venting and because I am frustrated and I am tired to be singleeeee. I am just waiting for a beautiful woman to be obsessed with and be obsessed with her/ them, so I could live under their skin and vice versa.
For context, I grow up in one of the whitest towns of southern Europe and now I have moved away and I live in the epicenter of one of the whitest European capitals. I have always thought that it must be something wrong with me because I am 27 years old and no one or very very very few queer people ( I can count them on my phalanges) has had a romantic interest in me. I even talked with tarot readers and a hoodoo priestess to figure out whats wrong with me and they told me that the needs to happen in me (i am in therapy as well and really trying my best and i feel that most people dating nowadays are not even trying to be a decent person but ok, let’s move on). Also I read someone’s else post before about dating apps and couldn’t agree more with their opinion!
I tried queer clubs, lesbian events, and even downloaded dating apps and I find them really depressing. On one side I know I have high standards, yes, but at the same time the people on the apps are not at all who I would date or even have sex with.
A friend told me that people are intimidated by me because I am too beautiful, people are general intimated by black women and because I have a strong personality. Honestly, I do believe the latter and the fact that black lesbian/ queer women we do have a smaller pool for dating but about my confidence, right now, is below hell level… so here comes a question: what do you do when you feel hopeless?

Edit: thank you all for the sweet comments!! I appreciate 🤍🌺

so i used to be a dating app addict and it’s been years since i found them vaguely worthwhile being on again. i thought it would be fun to change locations and see what the queer women are like around the world and y’all…why is hinge 95% dorky white women like where are the fellow baddie poc women at??? i’m an arab woman and also goth-leaning (i’m goth but i dial it down for hinge) and i’m not meaning to be crass but most of the women are just really not people who’ve put any effort into self-presentation. i often tell my friends dating apps are like being in a clearance bin and now after one day i’ve deleted it again because i’m not about to be some woman’s daughter’s new “exotic experience” or 0-100 lovebomb nightmare situationship. i just want to know where my fellow baddies are hiding, it’s hella lonely out here and i’m looking for my wife 🌟

Hi! I’m a 23F who lovessssss EDM music and events. I’ve been going to them alone which I don’t mind , I love the vibes and just being able to dance the night away by myself but I do wish I had an inner circle of my people. Ive been trying to look for women or men around my age who are into EDM and also LGBTQ individuals but have not had any luck.. I don’t live in ATL but in the outskirts so maybe that’s the issue idk just want to find like-minded people.

Anyone know a good place I could go and meet people? The gay bars/clubs don’t tend to have much of a EDM scene I’ve noticed.