u/anonymizz

I met a woman about 2.5 months ago, and we started dating. I asked her if she was ok with being casual from the very start, and she said she was cool with it. But things got intense really quickly, physically and emotionally.

We were talking every day, hanging out every week, being cute and romantic with each other (we're both lover girls lol), coming up with fun date ideas, telling each other we miss each other every day, having deep emotional conversations, showing each other we cared for each other in different ways, etc. There was genuine excitement from both of us whenever we'd hang out.

It didn't take long for me to realize I actually had feelings for her. I thought about it and wondered if I was actually ready for something long-term, I kept going back and forth in my head but that confusion already told me that I wasn't. I was happy with our arrangement and wanted to continue exploring other people. Although I did ask someone out (got rejected) and was open to other people while we were dating, I didn't actually end up seeing anyone else during this time.

A few days ago, she brought up our dynamic, saying that what we were doing doesn't feel really casual. She was ok with it in the beginning, but now she wants more clarity. She tells me we can either stop seeing each other, keep it casual for real, or date exclusively with the intention of figuring out long term capability. I asked for some time to think about it.

Eventually, I tell her I'm not ready for something exclusive but would like to keep seeing her casually and we can establish some boundaries. I thought she would be interested in this because she brought it up as an option, but then she tells me that wouldn't work for her and things end pretty abruptly, though we did it on good terms. It felt really strange because all day we were talking like normal, the flirty, affectionate and romantic conversations we usually had. Making comments about "next time we see each other we should do this or that".

Now I feel a lot of regret for not giving it a shot. And I can't stop crying, which is crazy because I was the one who didn't want to be serious. I know it's super fresh and I'm feeling this void in my heart and life now, so even if all I want to do is tell her I made a huge mistake, I know I shouldn't. If I was that conflicted about what to do from the start, then I shouldn't drag her into that because she deserves someone who's 100% sure about dating her more seriously.

If you asked me several months ago, I would've told you that I wished the love of my life could walk through the door so I could stop dating. But I had a change of heart and realized that I want to explore my sexuality (not the fact that I'm queer, but sexual experiences). Long story short, I've been deeply unfulfilled in my love life, and I started dating quite late. I don't want to feel like I missed out by settling down before I mentally felt ready.

But this woman is such an awesome person, and I really enjoyed getting to know her and getting closer to her. We had so much fun and felt comfortable being emotionally intimate. We could be our crazy selves together, which felt amazing. And the sex was great, plus it was only getting better. It didn't feel like just hooking up.

Would love to hear perspectives from people who have experienced something similar. I'm really going through it right now 😭

I'm outgoing, friendly, and genuinely enjoy making new friends and talking to people, but historically, I've been so passive with making my interest known to my crushes (in person, on dating apps, I will make a move because I know the person is interested).

I've been working really hard on being braver, and finally asked out a crush I met through a good friend recently. It was over text, and I didn't know how she felt about me, but still, I agonized over the message for 2 weeks before sending it 😂 I got rejected politely, which sucks. I feel embarrassed, but I'm proud of myself for doing it. I definitely need to do it more!

Whenever I express my anxiety around dating and how I get shy with women I like, people are really surprised because I give off a confident vibe, and I'm quite extroverted and social.

Can anyone relate to this?

I was at an event recently and struck up a conversation with someone who I thought was really cute. She came alone and saw that I was alone (I was waiting for friends) so she came up to me and we started chatting. She seems pretty chill and nice, and we have a few similar interests. We mentioned to each other that we should go dancing together sometime.

Eventually, the topic of our sexualities came up, and I told her I was queer, and she told me she is as well, but she's always dated men up until this point. She said she was exploring / figuring things out.

Because of this, I don't see anything serious or long-term with her, but I'm trying to have a sexy, sultry, flirty summer and would love to see if she would be interested in that too.

We've messaged each other on IG a little bit back and forth, and also talked about seeing a movie together as well as going to a rave. The vibes feel platonic so far.

She's already invited me to an event, though I'm not sure I can go to it. I'm also trying to find one to invite her to. So it looks like we will hang out at some point.

My question is, how do I make my interest known without making her feel uncomfortable if she is only looking for friends? I'm happy to just be friends as well if she's not interested in me like that - I just want to break out of this pattern of never shooting my shot with new people and missing the boat of potentially being romantically involved because we end up becoming good friends LOL

For anyone who remembers their "figuring things out stage", how would you have liked to be flirted with that didn't make you feel pressured?

Two months ago, I matched with someone on an app. We had a nice conversation that evening and talked about going out for a coffee. Two days later, she tells me she doesn't actually have the capacity to date at the moment, but would like to reach out to me at a later time when she feels more ready, if that was OK with me. I tell her I understand and that yes, she can reach out again.

About a month and a half later, she ends up texting me asking me if I'm free to hang out. I was really surprised to see her text, to be honest. We set up a date for that weekend, and text a little bit back and forth that week. However, she's very inconsistent with communication and leaves me on read for days at a time.

I didn't expect anything serious from her because she recently broke up with her long-term partner, but uncertainty and lack of communication, regardless of dating intent, make me INCREDIBLY ANXIOUS. It's debilitating to the point that I can't concentrate on anything else (I'm working on this).

So after much deliberation, and being THISCLOSE to going on the date, I cancel it because I felt like she still wasn't ready. And I didn't want to lean into a hot-and-cold dynamic with someone who would undoubtedly trigger my anxiety.

This took all my willpower because I find her very attractive, and your girl hasn't gotten laid in a loooong time LOL. I was very proud of myself haha.

But guess what happens the next evening? I see her at a party I was at with my friends 🙃 I start freaking out internally, wondering if I should go say hi or just ignore her. Awkward situations stress me the f out. Eventually, I work up the courage to go up to her, and she was quite surprised to say the least. We laugh awkwardly and hug, then go outside to talk. It was awkward at first, and we were both nervous, but we also kept laughing at the situation. She was very apologetic about not responding to me much. I told her it was ok and that I understood she's been going through a lot.

There was a lot of chemistry, and the flirty, teasing banter was flowing. Throughout the night, we talked, danced, and eventually made out, which, unfortunately for me, was really hot.

At that point, I knew I was doomed. It was fun just talking with her. I knew this was a bad idea, but all my resolve melted away and I told her I wanted to see her again. While she kept saying how happy she was that we ran into each other and asked me if we would go on a second "date", she was also hesitant because she didn't want to waste my time knowing that she's in a complicated situation. I was the one who canceled on her after all, and for good reason.

We hugged and kissed each other again before parting ways at the end of the night.

The next day, I ask her out (again) and she said she'd let me know when she gets her schedule. We text a bit more back and forth, but of course, she has left me on read for two days.

She is MADDENING. How can you act sooo interested in me one second, and then so distant the next? I mean, I know the answer, but it's frustrating all the same. I wish she had just left me alone in the first place.

Not really looking for advice, but this was more of a vent. I know I should cancel on her again, because this inconsistent behavior is killing me. SOMEONE PLZ GIVE ME THE STRENGTH TO RELEASE MYSELF FROM THESE CHAINS. I am weaaaak 😭

I never used to be anxious, but in the last 2 years things have changed drastically and it feel like it’s getting worse, even though I can say I’m happier overall.

I know that one major factor is my social media use. I’m definitely addicted to my phone.

My brain is just pulled in so many different directions and I’m constantly overstimulated.