u/Savings_Bug_2

Lately I’ve been wondering if I’m selfish for the way I approach relationships and people in general. I’m at a point where I don’t really believe in giving endless chances anymore. If someone does something that crosses a line for me, I might forgive them, but if it becomes a pattern, I’m gone. Every time I’ve given someone another chance, they’ve somehow ended up proving to me why I wanted to leave in the first place, and I’m honestly just tired of learning that lesson over and over again.

I care a lot about my life, my goals, my work, and the things I’m building for myself. I’m more than happy to have someone beside me and include them in all of that, but I don’t want a relationship to come at the expense of my peace. I’ve been called selfish or distant before because of that, but part of me feels like I’m not being selfish, I’m just finally putting myself first instead of constantly making excuses for people.

Sometimes I genuinely wonder if I’m just hard to date or hard to be close to, but then I think maybe I’m just hard to co-sign on bullshit 😭. I don’t expect people to be perfect, and I know I have my own things I need to work on, but I also don’t want to keep accepting things that hurt me just because I care about someone. I’d rather be alone than stay somewhere just because I’m scared of letting go.

The weird part is, I actually feel things really deeply, I just don’t always show it. So I’m curious, am I actually being selfish, or is there a point where choosing yourself and protecting your peace is just healthy? Do you think there’s a difference between having strong boundaries and just being unwilling to compromise?

Hey everyone! Tell me about your craziest ex stories or breakup stories because I KNOW some of y’all have been through some wild shit 😭

I’ll go first

We dated for about 4 months. She had bipolar disorder and constantly used it as an excuse for the disrespect and chaos throughout our relationship. There was always some type of drama, especially between her and her ex.

Eventually, I had enough and broke up with her.
After I broke up with her, she left me the craziest voicemails wishing I would die, wishing my whole family would die, and saying she hoped we’d all drown on a cruise.

Like… girl???? 😭😭😭

And that’s honestly just the SHORT version.
Now I wanna hear yours. What’s the craziest thing an ex has ever done to you during or after a breakup? 👀

I’m 22 and I’ve been in two relationships so far. I ended both of them because my boundaries kept getting crossed, and ever since then my dating life has basically been a collection of weird ass situations 💀

I’ve talked to people who were still tangled up with their ex, people who seemed cool at first and then showed me a completely different side of themselves, and just overall people who made me realize I’d rather be single than deal with certain shit again 😭

But I still want a relationship. Like I genuinely want to meet somebody where everything just feels easy and mutual. I want to actually like somebody and feel like they like me just as much without having to deal with games, weird behavior, mixed signals, ex drama, or somebody constantly doing something that makes me question why I’m even there.

I’m not asking for perfection either. I just want a woman who is emotionally mature, respects my boundaries, communicates, and actually knows what she wants.
Sometimes I really do wonder if I’m just gonna keep meeting the most unserious people imaginable 😭 because what the hell is going on lmao.

I know I’m still young, but I’m ready for my “ohhh so THIS is what a healthy relationship feels like” moment already 😭

I only dated this girl for 4 months and somehow went through more than I ever expected to. She was extremely verbally abusive, constantly angry, calling me out of my name and making me feel like I had to walk on eggshells around her. I kept giving chances because I loved her, but eventually I realized I needed to protect myself before things had the chance to get physical.

Pretty early on in the relationship I actually encouraged her to talk to a therapist and get some help, because I could already see that she was struggling with a lot of things, I wasn’t expecting her to handle everything perfectly and I really did try to support her, but eventually I realized I couldn’t be the person responsible for managing everything for her, especially when I was getting hurt in the process.

The breakup was honestly worse, after I blocked her she left threatening voicemails and threatened to out me to my mom, which was crazy considering she had literally gone through something similar with her own ex right before getting with me. Then her ex started stalking me too, found my information online and was calling my phone for weeks.

I know BPD doesn’t automatically make someone abusive and I’m not saying everyone with BPD is like this, but after everything I experienced I’d be lying if I said it didn’t make me hesitant to ever date someone with BPD again. I can have empathy for what someone is going through without accepting being mistreated, and honestly protecting myself was the best thing I could’ve done.

F22 just looking for some new people to talk to and hopefully make some friends 😭 I’m pretty introverted so I’m usually just chilling at home watching all types of movies and TV shows, I’ll literally watch almost anything lol. I’m currently in college too, so if you’re around my age and just wanna chat about random shit, movies, shows, life, literally anything, feel free to message me 🫶🏽

22F and I just went no contact with my ex after reopening that door and realizing it was a huge mistake 😭
We tried to be friends but somehow every conversation turned into arguments about our relationship and the past and tonight I finally blocked her because I’m genuinely exhausted. I don’t really want advice right now I just need someone to talk to and vent to who understands this kind of situation. If anyone is down to chat my DMs are open 😭

22F just looking for someone to talk to and vent to because I’ve had one hell of a night 😭 I just got out of a really exhausting situation with my ex and I’m honestly just drained and need someone to listen while I get this shit off my chest lmao I’m not necessarily looking for advice either I just wanna talk to somebody who gets it and won’t judge me

Dm me if you’re willing to listen 🌚

Me and my ex only dated for about 4 months. I ended things because there was a lot of disrespect and I eventually realized the relationship wasn’t healthy for me.

Fast forward to last night, I decided to reach out because I know I kinda left her in the dark. I needed time to process all the messed up things that she said to me and everything that happened, but I eventually felt like I owed her a conversation. I just wanted to say my piece, apologize for my part, hear her out, and then go our separate ways. I wasn’t trying to get back together or come back into her life.

Well… we ended up talking for hours 😭. Things were okay at first, but eventually we started getting into the past again and things got heated. Now she wants us to be friends and keeps telling me she misses me, but I don’t want a friendship either. I’ve already told her that, but she keeps blowing me up.

I eventually blocked her because I realized I was opening a door I probably shouldn’t have. Now she’s calling me repeatedly from No Caller ID and even left me a voicemail cussing me out and saying my apology was fake 😭.

I genuinely don’t want any more drama. Should I just ignore her and hope she eventually stops calling?

Either way I’m leaving things be now y’all 😭.

I don’t even know if I’m looking for advice or just to know I’m not the only one who feels like this.
Some days I’m completely fine, and then other days it hits me all over again. I miss the good parts of my ex, but I don’t miss the way she treated me when she was angry.

I told her multiple times that I didn’t like being called out of my name or spoken to like I was nobody. She would apologize the next day, but it felt like the same thing kept happening, so eventually the apologies stopped meaning much to me.

Now I’m left missing someone who also hurt me, and that’s such a confusing feeling. I catch myself wanting to text her, but then I remember the things she said to me and I stop myself.

Has anyone else gone through this? How did you stop missing the person while still accepting that the relationship wasn’t healthy?

Mine is accountability. I need someone who’s able to admit when they’re wrong and work through issues instead of blaming everyone else. No one is perfect, but taking accountability goes a long way.

I used to believe in dating to marry, but as I’ve gotten older, my perspective has changed. I don’t think every person we date is meant to be our soulmate or the person we end up marrying. Personally, marriage has never really been my end goal. I still believe in having a loving, committed, long-term partnership, I just don’t feel like marriage is something I need.

Does anyone else feel this way? Or do you still believe in dating with marriage as the ultimate goal? I’d love to hear different perspectives.

I used to believe in dating to marry, but as I’ve gotten older, my perspective has changed. I don’t think every person we date is meant to be our soulmate or the person we end up marrying. Personally, marriage has never really been my end goal. I still believe in having a loving, committed, long-term partnership, I just don’t feel like marriage is something I need.

Does anyone else feel this way? Or do you still believe in dating with marriage as the ultimate goal? I’d love to hear different perspectives.

For anyone who’s quit Lexapro cold turkey, how long did it take before you started feeling normal again? Every time I stop taking it, I start getting chest pain and my anxiety gets way worse. I’m just curious if anyone else experienced that and how long it lasted for you.

I recently got out of my first relationship with a woman, and honestly… it completely changed how I look at dating.

In the beginning, I thought I had finally found someone I could build something with. But looking back, the honeymoon phase wasn’t even over before things started going downhill.

It felt like she was always getting upset over the smallest things, and what wore me down the most were the double standards. There were things she’d do that I’d let slide, but if I got upset over those exact same things, suddenly it became an argument.

I’m not an argumentative person at all. I don’t mind difficult conversations, but I hate constant conflict. After a while, it felt like every little disagreement had the potential to turn into a fight, and that became emotionally exhausting.

Communication was another huge issue. She wanted me to communicate more, and I understood that. But I’m someone who needs a little time to process my thoughts before I can explain how I’m feeling. Instead of giving me that space, I often felt like our disagreements escalated before I even had the chance to collect my thoughts. That just made me shut down even more.

Another thing that confused me was how often we’d end up talking about her ex. It felt like there wasn’t a day that went by without hearing about something her ex did. But if I mentioned something from one of my past relationships because it related to the conversation or explained why I felt a certain way, I’d end up being accused of wanting my ex back. That left me feeling like we weren’t held to the same standards.

I’ll go first. 🌚

Looking back, one of the biggest red flags was that she wanted me to communicate more, but never gave me the space or emotional safety to actually do that. Every time I tried to explain how I felt, it turned into an argument, my past got brought up, or I ended up feeling like everything was my fault. After a while, I just stopped opening up because it felt pointless. Our honeymoon phase only lasted a few weeks before the constant arguments started, and by the end I was mentally exhausted.

What’s a red flag you ignored that you’ll never ignore again?

Does anyone else feel like they’ll never find their person? I’m only 22 and I’ve only been in two relationships, but both of them were so mentally draining that now I question if I’m just meant to be alone… or if I’m the problem. Has anyone else felt like this and eventually found a healthy relationship?

Does anyone else feel like they’ll never find their person? I’m only 22 and I’ve only been in two relationships, but both of them were so mentally draining that now I question if I’m just meant to be alone… or if I’m the problem. Has anyone else felt like this and eventually found a healthy relationship?

I’m naturally a quiet and reserved person, especially when I’m getting to know someone. It’s not that I don’t want to communicate, I do but it takes me a little while to fully open up and be vulnerable. 🗿

Looking back, I think this affected my last relationship, and it’s something I want to be upfront about before I start dating again. I don’t want someone to mistake my slower pace for disinterest.

If you’ve dated someone like this or you’re similar yourself, how did you communicate it? Is there anything that helped build trust while still taking things at a comfortable pace?

I’ve dated before, but this was my first relationship with another woman, and I’m honestly struggling to move on from it.

I know I have communication issues, and I’m working on them. She said my communication and me ending the relationship are why she reacted the way she did. But at the same time, she had been disrespectful to me before that too, and looking back, I probably should’ve walked away a lot sooner. We weren’t even together that long.

Now I feel like I’m constantly overthinking everything and questioning myself. I don’t want her back, I just hate that this relationship affected me this much.
Has anyone else experienced something like this? How did you stop carrying it into future relationships?

I’ve been asking myself this a lot lately.

How do you forgive someone who constantly dismissed your feelings, put you down during arguments, and then apologized later like everything was okay?

One of the biggest issues in our relationship was communication. She was always upset that I struggled to communicate, and I understand why that was frustrating. But I tried explaining that I would shut down because of the way arguments would go. I already had a tendency to shut down long before I met her, and feeling criticized or put down made it even harder for me to express myself. Every time I tried to explain that, I was told I was making excuses or blaming her, when I wasn’t. I was just trying to explain what was happening in my head.

She was often disrespectful to me during arguments, and after I ended the relationship because I knew it wasn’t healthy for me, things escalated even more. She made threatening statements toward me, my family, and even my friends, all because I ended the relationship. That has made it even harder to process everything that’s happened.

Eventually I realized I couldn’t be the partner she wanted me to be, and I also didn’t feel emotionally safe in the relationship anymore, so I ended it.

Now I’m left wondering if I even want to forgive everything that happened. Part of me thinks forgiveness would help me move on, and another part of me feels like I don’t owe forgiveness after everything that’s happened.

Has anyone else struggled with this? Did you forgive them, or did you just focus on moving forward?