u/impostersyndrome39

Some of you may remember I was struggling to get out because he had our dog and our cat and would only let me leave with one of them. I couldn’t bear to leave our dog behind. So he uses her to suck me back in
Today’s the day, I’ve been playing nice, I’m picking the dog up to spend time together. He thinks we have a future
I’m both terrified and can’t wait to get her and then run. Wish me luck.

Update: we are out, got my girls ❤️

I’m (42f) really struggling to leave my partner(41M)of almost 4 years and I don’t know if I’m seeing this situation clearly anymore.
When we first met, he was incredibly sweet, kind, and supportive. Over the last couple of years, though, the relationship has become chaotic. He has ADHD, struggles with emotional regulation, and there always seems to be some crisis happening.
He has never been physically violent, but he regularly yells at me, calls me an idiot, tells me I don’t care about him, stonewalls me, and repeatedly breaks up with me during arguments. Then a few hours or days later, things go back to normal, with no apology or recognition of his behavior. Recently he blamed me for not being around to support him for 4 weeks, the same 4 weeks we had been broken up and he had literally blocked me.
The thing that keeps me stuck is that I genuinely believe he’s struggling. He has very few people in his life, financial problems, and ongoing mental health issues. I feel guilty leaving someone who seems to be suffering.
We also have a dog and a cat. One of my biggest fears is losing them. It feels like whenever I try to create distance, I can only have one of the pets with me at a time, and I’m scared that if I leave, I won’t be able to get both of them back.
For people who have been in similar situations:
At what point did you realize the behaviour had crossed the line into emotional abuse rather than just someone struggling with their own issues? And how did you get past the guilt of leaving? I’m scared to just try and take my pets and run with them