u/imtryingmybestok-

I’m the eldest daughter of three.
Growing up, nothing looked “bad enough” from the outside for people to think anything was wrong. My dad wasn’t abusive, he was emotionally absent but financially provided for us, so everyone thought he was a good father. My mom wasn’t physically abusive either, but looking back as an adult, I believe many of her behaviors fit narcissistic patterns.

I was parentified from a young age. I helped raise my younger siblings, mediated my parents’ constant arguments, and became the person responsible for keeping everyone emotionally stable. I learned to walk on eggshells, anticipate everyone’s moods, and make sure the family looked okay from the outside.

I didn’t realize how unhealthy it all was until I was around 20.
Around that time, I came home from university overseas because my mom’s business was failing. It was heavily in debt and close to shutting down.

She told me the business was mine.
I became the legal owner, and I still am today.
The understanding was that I would take over everything, including the existing debt. I accepted that because I believed I was buying the opportunity to build something of my own.
The first few years were brutal.

During COVID there were months when we barely had enough money to pay employees. I took out loans in my own name to keep the business alive because I couldn’t bear the thought of people not getting paid. I’m still paying those loans back today.
Ironically, during those years my mom wanted very little to do with the business.

I spent almost my entire twenties rebuilding it.
Eight years later, the business is finally profitable and heading in the right direction.

But that’s when everything became complicated.
About two years ago, my mom asked me to give her part ownership of the company because my dad’s pension was running out and they were worried about money.
Not long after that, she asked me to give ownership to my younger brother because his career wasn’t going well.
I said no.

Legally, I’m still the sole owner.
Emotionally, though, it feels like she has never let go.
She calls meetings with my employees without telling me.
She published a book under the company’s branding without asking for my permission, leaving many customers thinking she’s still the owner.

She criticizes almost every decision I make—from the colors I choose for menu boards, to who I hire, to my working hours, to how I run the business.

If something succeeds, it often feels like she wants to be associated with it.

If something goes wrong, it’s my responsibility.

If I don’t follow her advice, she tells me she’s only saying these things because I’m “not doing enough.”

Nothing I do ever feels like enough.

At the same time, she isn’t a villain in my mind.

She’s incredibly talented. She built the original business from scratch. She’s an amazing cook, and without her there wouldn’t have been anything for me to rebuild in the first place.
That’s why I feel so conflicted.

Up until today, I’m still the sole income earner for my parents.
The business doesn’t just support me. It also supports my family financially. It pays for expenses that extend beyond the business itself.

Now I’m married.
For the first time in my life, I have my own family to think about.
I feel responsible in every direction.

I don’t want to abandon my parents.
I don’t want to lose the business I spent eight years rebuilding.
I don’t want to spend the rest of my life feeling like I have to earn the right to make decisions in a company I legally own.
And I don’t want my marriage and my mental health to become casualties of all this.

The hardest part is what this has done to me emotionally.

I dread seeing my mom.
After every interaction, I replay conversations in my head for days.

My stress has become physical. I get inflammation, psoriasis flare-ups, sinus issues, and I become emotionally drained. I notice myself becoming withdrawn, negative, and short-tempered with people I actually love.

It’s gotten to the point where my body seems to reject anything associated with her—including the business.

The business itself isn’t what I hate.
I actually love building businesses.
I love solving problems, improving systems, leading people, and watching the company grow.
What I don’t know anymore is whether I can separate the business from my relationship with my mom.

Part of me feels she deserves financial security because she created this business.

Another part of me feels like I’ve spent eight years carrying the risk, paying off debt, rebuilding everything, and I still don’t feel like I’m allowed to truly own it.

I honestly don’t know what the right answer is.

Has anyone else taken over a family business where the founder couldn’t emotionally let go?

How did you create boundaries when they still saw it as “their” business?

Did you find a way to keep the business while protecting your mental health?

Or did you eventually realize that walking away was the only way to save yourself?

I’m not really looking for people to diagnose my mom from one Reddit post.
I’m hoping to hear from people who’ve lived through something similar, because right now I feel like I’m choosing between my family, my business, and my own wellbeing, and I don’t know if it’s possible to keep all three.

(ps: i translated this with ai so if it sounds weird that’s probably why)