u/infiniteinteIligence

Hey guys,

So it’s looking like we are relocating for a job in Phuket. I am 38, with my fiancée (27). We health oriented introverted people, drink maybe 2-3 times a year, mainly enjoy a quiet life - but not an isolated life. She likes coffee shops, gyms, walks etc. And will need to fill time with me at work.

Which areas would be recommended for us? I would be working on the east coast. Coming from London a commute doesn’t bother me if the location warrants it.

I would love to hear areas worth checking out? And also if anyone has made a similar move (for work etc), what’s the smartest method in terms arriving accom, short term accom, long term accom? Considering we will need to explore somewhat before pinning our mast to an exclusive area.

Will have more questions but for now this is the next step!

Thanks!

Hi guys

Let me preface by saying the insensitive title of the post was essentially to get eyes so I can get the advice I need. I appreciate, respect and empathise with the struggle of an ED being with my beautiful fiancée.

Essentially, as her ED has formed we’ve lost touch for a handful of reasons. Intimacy is an obvious one. He fixating on exercise and diet has left very little room for mindfulness/thoughtfulness towards me and our life. Her own deeper fears of esteem has led her to break boundaries in the relationship (eg hide stories from me of her showcasing her body in bikinis, entertain gratifying men and then deleting messages etc). It’s been a long hard fucking road.

She’s currently 3 months into recovery and is currrntly in the “contemplation phase” - as her therapist said. At times she insanely emotionally deregulated so will rain hell fire and be impossible to pacify. But yesterday it went a step too far -

Essentially she blamed me for her ED. These things are nuanced and hypersensitive so I have no doubt I’ve contributed some way or another, but since the day we’ve got together she always showed traits that would lead her in this direction. I was deeply offended as I got her into recovery, pay for her therapy, create a safe space for her to vent and express herself. Most of my days I am concerned about how she is feeling, if she’s eating, resting, level headed and feeling ok. I’m most neglected and I guess yesterday was quite a big penny drop moment for me. She really laid it on thick. Also blamed the lack of intimacy on me, when I’m mostly empathetic of how she feels and wait for her to initiate. The disorder has taken over life so she also feels at a disadvantage where her career has stalled, she’s lost her shape (previously a bikini/sports model), and she isn’t maximising her potential. And she pretty much pinned all of this onto me. Even questioning my position as her partner as I don’t finance her dreams when I’m currently spending upwards of £1-1.5k on her recovery month on month (which is a lot!). She also has a toxic friend who is essentially a high-end escort consistently questioning our relationship, my worth and so on and so forth, and it was no wonder this all happened following her spending Thursday evening with her.

I guess I just want to know if fellow sufferers did the same in recovery and how seriously to take this? Was there any greater reflection in the time period or is it all retrospective? Today I really fear for our relationship as she seemed hateful, resentful and entirely unappreciative, and most importantly i question her ability to self-reflect and set things right.

There’s more but these are the bones.

Hi guys

I have been headhunted for a position in Phuket. Salary is 200k per month, with an upside of roughly 100-200k in bonuses.

I’m aware the full package sounds great but I’m long in the tooth to not hedge my bets on “tomorrow money” And negotiations are ongoing as right now I’m not hugely fond on the level of financial risk vs the gravity of such a big relocation.

But say the stars align, the project is sold to me and I move to Phuket on that exact monthly base salary. Is that base wage enough to subsidise my partners life and live comfortably? (Forget the bonuses)

We aren’t drinkers, we live a fit healthy lifestyle, enjoy a date night here and there. At my age comfort is important to me as is long term financial security. I’m aware when done right the quality of life is phenomenal out there but I don’t want to step down from the financial freedom I currently possess or worse pit myself in a position where I can’t save comfortably/enjoy life as I would expect.

Small caveat as I imagine the question is coming - why wouldn’t I just stay where I am ? My ex wife relocated to Australia with my daughter last year, so I want to be as close to her as possible and this position sought me out. I’m no longer anchored to London and have been in my current industry for 15 years so I’m open to the adventure and a new challenge.

Irrespective, I can appreciate that a position out there would mean a financial backstep vs an executive western salary - this isn’t an issue or I wouldn’t consider it - but I want to be practical with where I’m at in life, my expectations and my dependents.

Let me know!

Thanks