AITA for not adopting my brother-in-law brother’s children?
I, (43)M live in England for more than 10 years now, where I have set up my life with a successful business and a man that I am going to marry soon. I consider myself quite wealthy and I know I worked hard for it.
My sister and her husband live back in my country of origin and have two teenage kids, (16)M and (14)F. I love these kids like I would do my own but I do not get along with my sister and her husband as they do not approve of the “immoral” life that I “chose” to live. This is one of the reasons I decided to get away from my little conservative town and find a better life abroad. So, I hadn’t spoken with my sister for more than 5 years.
My sister’s husband had a brother that lived in the apartment just above my sister's. Unfortunately, that brother and his wife recently had a deadly car accident from which they both did not make it. They left behind two young boys of 8 and 7 years old.
My sister and her husband are the only relatives left to these kids as there are no grandparents or other uncles or aunts to them. The kids went through the local social services checks in order for them to be adopted by my sister. Unfortunately, her and her husband were disqualified as they live in a very small place that they rent and they financially struggle. Plus my brother in law has personal mental health issues. So the other option is for these kids to go to foster families.
Mind you that when I finally spoke with my sister a few years ago I offered to help them financially and even buy for them a better place, if not for them, for their children. They rejected my offer in the most rude way as they specifically said they don’t need my “f****t money” and they don’t want my nephew and my niece to have anything to do with me. Nevertheless, without my sister’s knowledge I have opened trust funds for both of them that they will have access to when they are 30.
Back to the main story now, I was approached by my sister and was asked to adopt the two kids as I am the only one left (!). Allow me to make something clear. I do not consider myself a children’s person. I feel very uncomfortable around children and having thought about it I do not think I am what one would call parent material. I have a certain lifestyle and mentality that would never allow me to pay proper attention to raising children. In the end I feel that it is my right to just don’t want to. Plus, I travel a lot for work and the little time that I have back home I spend with my partner. When I spoke with the social services lady, she also told me that the children have to stay in my home country as they need to be monitored. I live in a different country 2000 miles away.
I refused but even offered to help my sister financially in order for them to qualify and adopt the kids and even contribute to their welfare by covering any necessary expenses until they reach 18. Well, I got more or less the same answer as I got in the past. So that brings the kids to the foster care system.
My sister and her very angry husband told my that I’m being selfish, that I have no heart and that I should be ashamed watching all this from my “high throne”…oh! and that god has a special place in hell for my kind. They also had a couple of their friends send me messages telling me what a c**t I am.
I do feel sorry for these kids but I don’t feel that they are my responsibility at all. I’d never even met their parents. AITA?