Advice on grandparents missing overseas wedding
Disclaimer: I do realize that it’s very likely that come wedding time and/or the planned trip in 2027 one or both of my grandparents won’t be with us anymore. As sad as that would be, I’m realistic about it, this post is assuming one or both of them are still here.
I grew up in Canada where I met my fiancé, we moved to the UK in 2021 and will be having our wedding here. We always thought we would be getting married in Canada, but the more we thought about the logistics the more it made sense to have a wedding here in the UK.
When we got engaged we gave everyone advance notice of the wedding season and year we were planning for. Flash forward to now and we have a date of May 2028 and everyone Canada-side has been sent an early save the date. They’re all very excited about a “destination” wedding and we can’t wait to have them all here!
The issue is that I have 2 surviving grandparents left, my Tata (grandpa on mom’s side), and my Papa (step-grandpa). Both won’t be well enough to travel to here, and the people pleaser in me feels awful about planning a wedding that I know they can’t attend. While I’m not terribly close to either grandparent, I’d obviously choose to have them if I could.
I’m struggling to think of a way to make them feel included/like they’re not missing out. Everything my mom suggests is some variation of them giving us something (a video message to play at the reception, a prayer they selected to be read before the meal, etc). While that’s nice and all, those suggestions are all about us feeling their presence, and not addressing my concern about them being “excluded.”
We are sharing a wedding party, and our joint Bach/Bachelorette party will be in Canada in 2027. Given that our UK family will be coming on that trip it seems like a good time to find something that will include my grandparents, I’m thinking of doing a nice meal out together one day. However… my Papa couldn’t even make it to our engagement party, and it was hosted at my parents house, so I don’t know if he would be up for a restaurant meal with some toasts and socializing. That might have been because my parents simply didn’t want to bring him, or they genuinely thought he wouldn’t be able to come, knowing my parents it’s hard to say.
Beyond that, is there anything more we can do to acknowledge my grandparents while we’re all together? Should the meal out shift focus to shine a spotlight on them AND us? We don’t want to get married in Canada with them present ahead of our planned wedding in 2028, so that’s out of the question.
Have you been in a similar situation, or know of someone that has? I’m sure the big meal out will be a nice occasion for them as it is, but I’d still love to hear other suggestions 🥲