Those who've had successful VBACs, please talk to me
I think I just want a little hope, or maybe just to vent.
I hate that I feel like I have to justify that this is what I want. The assumption is that we'll "just schedule the next one". I hear all the time how scheduled is so different, so much better. I cannot fathom it being that much better except for more guaranteed pain control. I'm not of the illusion that any birth is pain-free, so that argument does nothing for me. Some people feel in control when they get to pick the date and time, I couldn't feel that way any less.
I personally hate having c-sections. I appreciate that my children and I are alive, but I would do anything to avoid having another one. This isn't even a planned pregnancy, and the thought of recovering from a C-section with a 1- and 4-year old at home with no village to support me sounds like hell on earth. I am so not ready for a third c-section in 5 years.
My first two were induced for different, relatively weird reasons. Things I just never heard of happening to anyone else, and I'd listened to/read so many birth stories. I broke out into hives on my due date for my first, went to the hospital, and agreed to an induction. He was sunny side up and face-presenting, and got stuck at -2 station after 36 hours of max pitocin labor and then he pooped. Went for a c-section and had to go under general, so I don't remember meeting him. With my second, I learned hives are just a cute autoimmune thing my body does in reaction to pregnancy hormones and zyrtec+pepcid clears it right up. I did all the stretches and exercises. Then, he flipped to breech at my 39-week appointment while swimming away from the doppler. In order to get an ECV, I had to agree to an immediate subsequent induction. After 16 hours of max pitocin, he was having decels and I felt no painful contractions so I agreed to another c-section. I didn’t make a fuss about the epidural not working on my right side because I didn't want them to put me to sleep again. Then, my husband ruptured an achilles 12 days later and I had to jump back into being everyone's caretaker.
I have no reliable village. My kids will stay at my brother's house 45 minutes away when delivery day comes, but he has a family of 3 kids (including a current newborn) of his own. Grandparents aren't well enough to help, we can't afford regular paid help. I'll do anything to not need a c-section, but I've said that twice before and I got thrown curve balls I couldn't prepare for. I feel like my best shot is saving up for a doula? How does one find and pick a doula? I never thought I'd do that but I really need someone on my side for this. I haven't even had my first OB appointment. I'm trying a different practice, but I have a feeling they won't like the thought of an attempted VBA2C. Any words of wisdom or comfort would be appreciated.