I just watched myself become a loser over the course of 4 months and I can’t find my way back…
Life was already beating my ass. My place was (and still is) a mess, I’m not consistent about anything, and I am riddled with anxiety. The only thing I had going for me was that I had a decentish job and I’m still making progress toward my bachelors.
Earlier this year, my dad died. We were NOT in a good place with each other. No “bad blood” I guess, but I couldn’t deal with him because of who is he is, so I left him in the past. I answered if he called (which was almost never). He died so unexpectedly and I was inconsolable. Despite how he became in old age (he had me super late in life), he used to be my preferred parent in childhood and his death wrecked me.
I was so, SO burned out from my job, and when he passed, I couldn’t handle it. I quit. My husband is wonderful and takes care of all the bills. He doesn’t expect a thing from me other than me feeling accomplished and happy in the day. I’m never that.
I wake up late, money is tight because I can’t find a job that makes me not want to die, the house is even WORSE, I’m horribly depressed most days, and the worst of all, my poor dog isn’t getting the care he used to. I literally have to scrape together the energy to feed him and walk him twice a day.
I’m still in school, so there’s that. I have 100s in all my classes, so that’s a win. I’m just so upset because I’m a barely a shell of the outgoing, accomplished, talented person I used to be. The decline started WAY before my dad died, but now I’m at the second to lowest low in my life.
And of course! I’m 26! No more mooching off my mom’s insurance, and my husband is an independent contractor. Can’t even see my amazing therapist anymore.
The fuck do I do?