u/itallhurtsalways

I don't know what to do I'm already dealing with really tough mental health issues. I had been groomed 4 times in the past and that really affected me most recently it has increased my sexual activities quite a lot which is not important to this. But with this I don't know why I just want to go back go through it all again and just today I've been searching online (although not effectively) of somewhere i could go to get it to happen all again. i dont know what to do why