u/jackie0h_

I had to put my dad in a nursing facility and I feel bad that I can’t get there as much as I’d like. Part of the reason I had to put him there was that I was his primary caregiver and I am disabled myself. So sometimes it’s only every other week. And I feel terrible. They have lots of activities and stuff but I still feel bad. He also can’t hear very well and my heart issues make taking loud difficult sometimes.

I did just approve and pay for hearing aids for him so I’m hoping that will help a bit. I did stop over without telling him the other week and he was sitting in the lobby like he was waiting. He stared at me for a minute and I said “hi, dad!” While I signed in and he got a big smile on his face.

I’m going this week but can’t until Friday because I have my own appointments and things and I’m still recovering from a concussion from a fall which is one of my disability symptoms.

I really wish I could go more. I guess because he has the beginnings of dementia I justify maybe he doesn’t realize it’s been a week or two sometimes. Of course my 2 useless younger brothers won’t go visit him. The only other ones who do is his bff from high school and my cousin when he comes in from the next state over for something else. But it’s exhausting worrying about this and myself all the time feeling guilty. But I’ll be no use if I don’t take care of myself too.

Surname is Roverud. It’s Norwegian. All I know is it’s a town in Norway. On 23 & Me the only person related with that surname who is in there is my mother. I went through about 1000 people it says I’m related to and not a single one has this surname.

My dad’s grandmother was a Hanson, who married into an Anderson. Then his mother married into Roverud. Both my dad’s parents came to the US in the mid 20th century from Norway. I’ve only heard of 2 other families in the US with this surname. One is in Minnesota where I live, the other in the Los Angeles area.

Unrelated but very strange coincidence. The other family with this surname in MN have both a daughter with my first name and a son with my brother’s first name. Weird.

When I tried to look into it before I found a site that said only 7 people in the US have this last name. I don’t think that’s true, there are 5 of us just in my family, then the brother from the other family (the girl married and now has a different last name) and there’s at least the one in L.A. though I’m not sure he’s living anymore. He was a crew member on the 80s movie Just One of the Guys. Imagine my shock seeing this unusual last name in the credits.

Any advice/help is appreciated. There’s one other strange thing on my genealogy report. My dad’s first cousin is in there and does not show in my DNA matches. Many of my mom’s first cousins do. I’m 100% sure I’m blood related to my dad and I look like a literal twin of his mother when she was young.

Thanks to anyone patient enough to read this all.

Talking about medical malpractice and the one guy tells Robinette it’s hard to pursue because you have to find another doctor to disagree with the first on record. This is exactly what I was told. It just kind of hit me like a lightening bolt when this guy said it and reminded me how relatable this show can be even 30 years later.

I went to urgent care with a bloated stomach and extreme pain. They did an X-ray, told me to lose weight (only my stomach was big, like I was pg) and that I had cramps. 5 months later I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer and had a 40 lb tumor removed. 🙄 And that still wasn’t enough to get a lawyer.

They promised they would but it’s been like 5 years now. They were so good. Wendy’s spicy nuggets are ok but not the same.

Hi friends, I usually post about my dad but now I'm having an issue with my mom.

Most of my life my mom was the nicest, most chill person ever. Like she would tell me to settle down when I got goad rage. She could always just roll with the punches. I was kind of a fup for a while when I was younger and she only got actually mad once. It was the worst time to do it because my legs literally were not working (it was psychological and strange) and it was the one time she put her foot down and said I was on my own. The hospital put me in a cab who literally dumped me in the gutter at a homeless shelter downtown at 11pm when they don't even take anyone in. Anyway just funny the one time I really was in trouble she abandoned me and chose that time to not. I straightened myself out.

But otherwise she was always positive and happy. Even though I know my brother is the favorite she didn't show it much. I was her first she just loved me a different way. Ok no more stories just know she was happy 99% of the time, except when my grandparents died and even then she was strong for us and dealt with it with a strong front.

But now. For the last couple of months, she is just angry all the time. More angry than I've seen anyone. I am disabled and live with her to help her out as well as helping me. It's literally walking on eggshells. You say something she can't hear, it's a 2 hour ordeal about how we don't respect her and we know she can't hear as well anymore.

If we're just talking she gets extremely angry if something confuses her and she accuses me of being confused and not speaking right and not making sense. Like I'll say "i was talking to Jenny and she..." and she'll get super nasty and say "who's she? I'm worried about you, you don't think right, how am i supposed to know who she is". Like she knows who Jenny is just using she throws her off even in the same sentence mom doesn't remember those words correlate.

If you start talking at the same time it's a half a day about how she's just going to move on her own because she's not allowed to speak in her own house. If you try and reason with her it just ramps up the anger to 1000. She watches and criticizes everything I eat and drink. I'm not overweight but used to be but I have several health problems (unrelated) and my doctor is fine with my diet. She has never ever been violent but two times in the last week I flinched and spilled a drink I was holding because she got so frustrated i honestly thought she was going to stab me (she raised her hand with the knife and I flinched and she lowered it) or hit me. Neither of us drink alcohol, by drink I just mean juice or something.

I've told her she needs help and she is going to the counselor in a few weeks. But she's not going to be honest because I think she doesn't even understand. I've read a lot about dementia but I went through that with her mom and don't see any of the symptoms grandma had and my grandma never got angry.

What should I do? This is a daily routine now. She'll get to the point she balls up her fists and says "please god why can't I just die" and repeats it over a few times. She's threatened self harm a couple times. I feel like I should call 911 when it gets that far or call the doctor she's going to see and tell her the reality because my mom can't or won't. I know they can't discuss because of hipaa I just want to make sure they are working with all the information.

Thanks for reading and appreciate any advice.