I’m disgustingly average even when i’m trying my hardest
It’s so insanely brutal how this is just how my face is. My bone structure is terrible and so are my features. No matter how much makeup I have on or what hairstyle I try, most girls will still look better than me without putting in any effort. I feel so bitter about the ethnic features I was born with and how they don’t fit western beauty standards. I keep seeing wasian girls who seemingly have my features but better and it’s like looking at infinitely more attractive versions of yourself who probably never particularly cared about looking good or had to deal with BDD. They’re just automatically considered objectively attractive without changing their faces at all. They’d get rated 9-10/10 without any makeup by real people and AI, meanwhile I have to do everything in my capacity to reach a 7-8 so as not spiral and lose all my self esteem.
I also hate how I’m not universally attractive. I’ve tried very hard to improve my appearance these past few years and I’ve managed to reach a level of attractiveness where I get compliments and some amount of male attention, but as soon as I go online and post in communities that don’t “glaze” me, my ratings go from very average (5/10)/slightly above average to 3/10 and subhuman. I don’t know how much stock I should put in ratings from looksmaxxing communities, but I looked at comments from other girls’ posts and they never got any such low ratings or troll comments if they were actually somewhat attractive, which is making me think that there’s something horrendously wrong with my face. I think I would be satisfied if they all rated me average or slightly above average (LMTB-MTB), but the mere fact that some people rated me so low makes me feel like the other ratings and the compliments I got in person were not legitimate.
I wish nobody found me physically unattractive. I just want to feel genuinely loved without having to feel constantly insecure and question whether my partner is attracted to me. Just as I was beginning to find myself somewhat attractive, I had to self-sabotage and destroy my self-esteem by confirming my suspicion that others found me painfully average or downright ugly.