r/BDDvent

I’m going to stop being so nice to people who don’t deserve it. I’ve been told I have BDD, idk if it even matters if it’s true or not though.

What I obsess over regarding my body shifts from time to time, but particularly today I’m obsessed over my genitalia not being what I want it to be. I’m a guy, so do with that as you will, but it may not be exactly what you think. 

I can hear women laughing at me when I walk by. Which is fine, it’s a free country. But guess what? For every laugh I hear, that’s one less dollar that I’d otherwise give to a homeless woman. Guess it’ll go to a man instead. 

I will never show any love to anyone I date, as I never have so far to the 4 people I’ve been with. I love my friends and my family and that’s all. I will never help anyone outside of that in need. 

My therapist says it’s a coping mechanism but why is that a bad thing? Fine, I’m coping with my failures and insecurities about my body. I don’t mind that I’m coping if that is what I’m doing. 

Half the time I can get on in life thinking I look pretty okay, but the caveat to this is only if I see a very select amount of people (close family, partner, child etc)

As soon as I go anywhere else it’s like I’m plonked around all the normies and bdd screams at me. And it’s not even that their features are perfect but everyone knows how to dress and accessorise and look like themselves. And it honestly pisses me off because I feel like I could get there but I’m constantly trying to figure out something I can’t seem to grab hold of. Nothing ever seems to fit me right, little too scruffy, too short, just off.

And then on the rare occasions I can get on in life it then amps up to photos etc. I take no photos because I know I look horrible in them and it crashes down my world view. And yet how can everyone take great photos. I can’t take any that are good, which then backs up the fact that I just look worse than everyone else if I’m incapable of taking one nice photo. Yes I’m uncomfortable, scrutinising, but it’s objectively worse.

I just can’t fathom how someone can get in a group photo do a nice cheesy smile and just look lovely? My sister sends them all the time of her and friends in group chat and it blows my mind. I wish for that. Just to stand there and know you look good and be happy to be captured. Imagine knowing who you are and then liking it 🤯. Life would make so much more sense.

nothing else to say here , it just sucks that i couldn’t be the beauty standard for once again . having bdd and an ed at the same time is basically like hell

Pls help all i cand dream abt is ending it. Its my only solution out of my bdd. All i do is compare, i cant go out, i cant read books, i cant watch movies,i cant talk w my family bc theyre so disgusting. I feel so alone and tired. I feel empty and no one understands my only way out is death.

It’s so insanely brutal how this is just how my face is. My bone structure is terrible and so are my features. No matter how much makeup I have on or what hairstyle I try, most girls will still look better than me without putting in any effort. I feel so bitter about the ethnic features I was born with and how they don’t fit western beauty standards. I keep seeing wasian girls who seemingly have my features but better and it’s like looking at infinitely more attractive versions of yourself who probably never particularly cared about looking good or had to deal with BDD. They’re just automatically considered objectively attractive without changing their faces at all. They’d get rated 9-10/10 without any makeup by real people and AI, meanwhile I have to do everything in my capacity to reach a 7-8 so as not spiral and lose all my self esteem.

I also hate how I’m not universally attractive. I’ve tried very hard to improve my appearance these past few years and I’ve managed to reach a level of attractiveness where I get compliments and some amount of male attention, but as soon as I go online and post in communities that don’t “glaze” me, my ratings go from very average (5/10)/slightly above average to 3/10 and subhuman. I don’t know how much stock I should put in ratings from looksmaxxing communities, but I looked at comments from other girls’ posts and they never got any such low ratings or troll comments if they were actually somewhat attractive, which is making me think that there’s something horrendously wrong with my face. I think I would be satisfied if they all rated me average or slightly above average (LMTB-MTB), but the mere fact that some people rated me so low makes me feel like the other ratings and the compliments I got in person were not legitimate.

I wish nobody found me physically unattractive. I just want to feel genuinely loved without having to feel constantly insecure and question whether my partner is attracted to me. Just as I was beginning to find myself somewhat attractive, I had to self-sabotage and destroy my self-esteem by confirming my suspicion that others found me painfully average or downright ugly.