u/january1977

I’m afraid this is going to be quite long, but I’ll try to stick to relevant facts.

I’m a late diagnosed LSN mom of a 6 year old who I’m 99% certain is autistic. When he was 5, he and I escaped abuse. We went to a DV shelter and are now in our own house. Despite video evidence of the abuse, both DFS and the court declined to protect my child. I share 50/50 custody with our abuser.

When I was married, I raised my concerns about my son with my husband and my son’s pediatrician. The doctor said he wasn’t concerned. My husband told me that my son’s behavior was my fault because I’m a bad mom.

Today my son was suspended from kindergarten for the 5th time. He goes to a charter school. They made big promises, which they have failed to follow through on.

We started the evaluation process in December of last year. At the end of last month (4 months later) I finally got a copy of the evaluation report because I threatened to contact my lawyer. They scheduled an IEP meeting for the last week of May, a week before the end of the school year.

I’m currently working with a disability advocate. She went through the evaluation report with me and pointed out all the parts they’ve done poorly, or haven’t done at all. (I have another call with her this afternoon.)

My biggest problem is, my son’s father. I don’t have a car. I left everything behind, my clothes, my books, and the family car. Everything. So he’s responsible for taking our child to his doctor’s appointments.

Today I called to follow up about a referral that I requested for an autism evaluation with a developmental pediatrician. During the call, I asked for the notes from his last checkup. In the notes, my son’s father said that my son is doing well in school and has no problems. (And that my son lives with him and I have visitation. 😆) He’s refusing services through the school and won’t participate in the evaluation process.

He’s refusing to switch schools unless I agree for our son to go to a school I have no physical access to.

I have a pro bono DV lawyer who’s very limited in what he can do. I just spoke with him and he said he’s willing to show up to a hearing if I file all the paperwork. I’m trying to get it on paper that my son has to go to a school I have physical access to. (I work in SpEd at the local elementary school where I want my son to go. My boss has already spoken to me about the accommodations they will put in place for him as soon as he enters the school.)

I’m feeling so overwhelmed today. Because I was diagnosed late (28), my parents never went through this process. And I know how to handle the day to day of my son’s behavior, but I don’t know how to advocate for him. This all feels like too much.

Does anyone have any support or advice?