u/jasmeet0817

For most of my career, I thought I was being a good leader as long as I won every negotiation. I used to think that if I didn't pressure my team for that extra overtime or beat the other department heads for the bigger budget, I'd would fail. According to me, there was one pie, and if I wasn't taking the largest slice, I was losing. On paper it seemed fine, all the stats were higher actually. But my top talents were leaving one after another to different departments and roles, simply to get out from under the pressure. So I finally had to face that my 'toughness' wasn't really strength at all, but slow and expensive damage.

Recently I listened to an in-depth discussion on 'The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People' from Dialogue: Podcasts on Books. Hearing the key insights broken down in relation to everyday life made me realize that most of what I thought was strong leadership was just scarcity dressed up in confidence. Here is what i learned:

-Win-Win thinking is a position of strength.
Most people assume negotiations are zero-sum games. Covey calls this the scarcity mindset, which silently harms every room it enters. To be clear, win-win does not mean being a nice guy or a pushover. It means working from a foundation of abundance, a mindset that there is enough for everyone, and that a deal only counts if both sides actually benefit from it.

-Win-Win or No Deal. 
If both sides cannot reach an agreement that benefits each one, you have no deal.  We agree to disagree, and we preserve the relationship for the future.This attitude is actually the harder, a more disciplined position. Not a sign of weakness. Forcing a win today only to lose your most effective people tomorrow does not add up.

-Change the script in the room. 
I started saying, aloud in meetings: "I want to find a solution that works for both of us. I cannot accept an agreement that is unfair for me and I do not expect the same of you." Immediately you could feel the shoulders relax and the room’s mood is lighter. Anyone who says that this is "pushover behavior" has simply not understood the corporate dynamic. You didn’t cave in but have simply set a boundary that demands mutual gain, and this has turned out to be one of the most useful things to bring into the meeting. 

What can actually change when you adopt this:
You stop measuring success by what extra margin you got over the other person. You start building relationships that survive the deal. Your best people stop leaving. And the wins you do actually secure are because the other side wanted them for you too.

All of this sounds very simple advice now, but for me, this was truly troubling in the beginning because it meant letting go of a version of strength that I had worked so hard to build my identity around. But Covey's point is clear, abundance is not naive optimism. It's the only approach that actually compounds over time. 

Most of my life I believed that I was just an overly sensitive emotional mess. There were days when my mood would drop without any reason. I would get lost in negative thoughts, waiting for the feeling to pass while feeling helpless. I thought I was just too sensitive or that I didn’t have the happiness gene that everyone else seemed to possess. The book's insights helped me end these spirals, here is what changed:

• I realized this wasn't a flaw in my personality, it was a lack in my mental skills. My stability felt fragile because I allowed my psychology to dictate my reality, reacting to every mood shift as if it were a permanent condition. So instead of just waiting for a bad mood to pass by, I actively began to manage my physiology before the mental spiral could take hold.
• Now, I view my mood as a physical signal rather than a life sentence. When I notice a dip, I return to basics, no overthinking, nothing analytical. I simply assess my sleep, movement, and light exposure. Then I work with deep breathing to bring myself into a calm nervous state. It's essentially me calming down my physical state so that I can trust my mind during the day. The better my physiology, the more stable I am emotionally.
• Next, I moved from passively accepting my thoughts to actively disengaging from them. Instead of believing every anxious narrative or accepting every "what if," I started to observe my thoughts as if they were passing clouds. I focus on quality over quantity. I choose to engage with helpful thoughts rather than being trapped by intrusive ones. I feel so much less tired when I realize I don't have to take all of my thoughts seriously.
• The final change that made a difference was acknowledging the difference between ignoring an emotion and actually letting myself feel it. When I began naming my emotions, saying "I am feeling anxiety" instead of "I am anxious," I felt grounded, clear and somehow invincible. In contrast, when I focused on distracting myself, I felt scattered and even more overwhelmed. This awareness made emotional check-ins with me essential rather than a waste of time.

This combination of biological resets, thought distancing, and naming my emotions has completely transformed my way of being. People often comment that I seem more stable, centered, and present. The secret isn't a mystical path to happiness, I simply stopped wasting my mental energy on what I can’t control and started using the techniques I should have learned years ago. Better late than never, I think.

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Until recently, I wore “busyness” like a badge of honor. For years I'd flick through endless emails, Slack messages, and rapid chats, thinking I was the ultimate multitasking genius. Reading Deep Work made me realize I wasn't even doing productive work at all.

The Wake-Up Call Facts:

- Context switching kills productivity. Each time you check a notification, it takes an average of 23 minutes to return to a focused state. I thought I was just checking in, but I was actually breaking my concentration.

- The "shallow work" trap. Most of us spend 80% of our time on tasks that require little mental effort. If you're not producing rare and valuable output, you're easily replaceable in today’s economy.

- Busyness is not productivity. Being busy often just shows a lack of focus. I felt drained by 5 PM not because I worked hard but because I was overstimulated by trivial matters.

What I Changed:

- The 90-minute lockdown. I now start my day with 90 minutes of focused work without interruptions. No phone, no email, no quick questions. This is where real output occurs.

- I quit “performative” social media. I deleted apps that didn’t offer significant value. If I’m bored, I let myself feel bored instead of reaching for a digital distraction.

- Scheduled my shallow work. Instead of reacting to emails all day, I set aside two 30-minute slots to clear my inbox. Once the time is up, I close the tab.

- Fixed shutdown ritual. I have a strict end time for work. Once I declare my "shutdown is complete," the day's work is over for good, and no more work notifications are checked.

The result: My actual output has tripled while my stress has dropped. I’m finishing projects in days that used to take weeks. I no longer feel that fragmented brain fog at the end of the day. For the first time in years, I feel like I’m actually mastering my craft.

A deep life is not only about productivity but also about meaning. If you don't take control of your attention, the attention economy will devour your thoughts until you are simply a collection of reactions to other people's priorities. The question isn't, “Can you do the work?” It’s, “Are you still capable of wanting to do the work that matters?”

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I had been experiencing a quarter-life crisis. I felt busy but completely empty. Recently, I listened to an in-depth discussion on the book “Ikigai” from  Dialogue: Podcast discussions on Books. Hearing the key insights in relation to everyday life helped me find a sense of clarity and freedom I hadn’t felt before. 

Here is what I learned about "finding your thing":

- Flow state is where life really happens. When you're fully engaged in something you love, time flies by. I began to notice when I naturally enter this flow state and realized that's when I feel most alive.

- The universe is not in any urgency; we are. Everything in nature grows slowly, like trees, relationships, and wisdom. I was trying to force big life changes overnight and burning myself out. I needed to learn to go with natural rhythms instead of pushing against them.

- Boredom is your brain's way of processing life. I used to panic when I felt unstimulated and would reach for my phone immediately. Now, I sit with boredom and let my mind wander. That's when the best ideas arise when you're not trying too hard.

- Your "Ikigai" isn’t always your job. I spent years thinking I had to make money from everything I was interested in. Sometimes, your purpose can be being a good friend, making art that no one sees, or just bringing calm energy to chaotic situations. It's really about learning to live in the present moment.

- The idea of impermanence shouldn’t induce anxiety. Everything changes your problems, your successes, and your current situation. This used to frighten me, but now it’s oddly comforting. Bad phases pass, but so do good ones, so you end up appreciating both more.