First time poster, long time lurker
I (31M) have been a long time lurker on this sub which has helped me cope with my DB. I’ve finally hit the point where I need to post to I guess shout my frustration into the void and hopefully feel at least a little better. I love almost everything about my wife except our sex life. I just wish she had any physical attraction to me.
So I’ve been married to my wife for 4 years and we’ve been together 7. Physical intimacy has been a struggle for us for a lot of our relationship. Early on when we were just dating the only time we ever had sex was when she was drunk (not often) or when I initiated. The best times always came when she was drunk because it actually felt like she was attracted to me and was a very active participant. The times I initiated when she’s sober it always felt like pity sex. She would pretty much just lay there while I did all the work.
As time has gone on she’s pretty much stopped drinking completely so those times don’t happen anymore and I’ve stopped initiating. We’ve had many conversations over the years and all of them feel productive in the moment and she tells me the things I hope to hear to help improve our sex life, but nothing ever changes after these conversations. Time goes on I’d initiate and mostly get turned down or on the rare occasion we were intimate it just felt like she wasn’t in the moment and was barely an active participant. I mostly stopped trying because of this. This was pretty much our sex life until May last year.
We both knew we always wanted kids so May of last year was when we decided we were ready to try. Which was nice but quickly turned into just “I’m ovulating” sex basically just put a baby in me. Which happened not too long after we started trying. Once she was pregnant sex was off the table. Which I understand as her body went through so many changes and she wasn’t fully comfortable in her body. Since our baby was born early this year sex has been off the table as has most physical intimacy.
I miss the physical connection so much I would settle for even just a little bit. At the beginning of June she offered to massage my feet after I won some small bet we made. The deal was supposed to be 10 min now and then 10 min sometime before the end of June. It ended up being nothing all of June which I wasn’t surprised by. Every time I bring up the physical intimacy conversation it’s I just don’t think about it or it’s not on my mind. I think it’s just she doesn’t care.
Anyway, today I reminded her of the bet and how she missed the deadline. Her response was oh I have a baby now so I didn’t think about it. To which I replied yeah you’re right I’m just not important. She then just ignored it and went about her business with the baby. It felt like a knife went through my heart so I felt the need to tell anybody.
If you read this far thank you for hearing me and I hope your struggles get better as I do for mine.