u/jessepinkmaxxing

tried to help myself finish today and just kept getting flashbacks to finding stuff on his phone. i wasnt even looking at anything i was just trying to do my own thing. im sad. im scared hes watching stuff even after we've broken up. part of me still loves him. im just sad. i wish this hadnt happened to me. i wish i could erase those memories. im so sad. i hate him so much i wish he werent so selfish. i dont even know if still being friends is the right move. sometimes i still hate him.

i just broke up with him. he was doing everything right and there were other cracks aside from his problem. i still plan to be his friend but no longer having that obligation to him feels like there's been a weight lifted off me. i need to focus on myself. this reopened the wounds i had and made me violently insecure once again.

too little too late

just still sad and insecure and don't know what to do

it sucks when they're doing everything right and you're still super sad. don't tell me you love me i don't know if i can say it back

hi, so i'm probably one of like three guys here. i'm pretty young (like... neither i nor my boyfriend can drink legally here in the US, but we vote and stuff). most guys i've dated have struggled with it and i feel kind of rare for being able to say i've only engaged with it a handful of times. i don't understand how other men can't see that it's a problem in relationships, but maybe straight men and queer men (which i strictly date) approach all of that stuff differently. i always kind of assumed a PA was a newer generation problem. i see now that's not the case.

i wanted to get an idea of the usual demographic here. it's been kinda hard to connect because everybody on here is a fully adult woman or married or deeply committed in some other way (3+ yrs in a relationship, kids, living together). i wonder if there are any people in queer relationships here who also have these problems or like... people in a younger stage in life.

i also just wanted to ask (anyone who has kids) if you knew about their problem before having a kid with your PA, or if you knew about the problem pre-marriage and still went through.

i wanted to ask why porn bothers you to get an idea of what everybody thinks (and have some back and forth because... i dislike porn too, duh)

i'm just really curious and i'd like to talk to yall

edit: just to add, i've been posting here and there since last october, when i discovered the problem of porn in my relationship, so im not super new or anything

we had a heart to heart yesterday and i do fully believe he is clean. there's no doubt in my mind that he's not doing it anymore and i think it's been long enough that, if there is any compulsion to do it, he's able to not partake anyway.

that weirdly doesn't make me feel any better. i don't know how to make this feeling go away. i still feel so ugly and unwanted. i still look at him sometimes and am disgusted. he's seen so many people naked. he was getting gratification from other people and lying to me. i asked him about it right before we had sex for the first time and he lied to my face. im overwhelmingly sad. i'm so so sad. i can't bear to look at my body in the shower sometimes.

his messages often bring me dread. he feels great now that he's clean. he's more present. i'm truly and deeply miserable. i am so so miserable.

i don't know how i can fix this. i get angry when people recommend therapy because i know it won't do anything for me. i've tried it for even smaller issues and it did nothing for me. i feel like i'm past help.

it sucks because i still love him andi dont want to end things. he's doing everything right. he's honest and apologetic and i've never once felt like i was overreacting or like he wasn't being upfront.

what makes it worse is just knowing that he kept accepting sex from me knowing that i had a problem with this habit. he didn't come to me about it, i had to find out. it's just crushing. i feel so sad and anxious all the time. i often wake up angry.

will this fade with time? it's only been 7 months since i discovered this and he's (presumably) been clean since that very day. i'm angry that i had to find out for him to stop. it's so selfish of him. i don't know what to do.

he's 7 months clean and i still don't understand why. he can never tell me why he did this to me or what made him do it aside from "dopamine addiction" which i understand but i dont believe that's only the extent of it.

i just don't understand. it's been really hard for me to move on.

i'm so sick of asking him to do things for me. he's so inconsiderate sometimes. he's doing everything right but he doesn't listen to me. i wish he were accommodating. i wish he were nicer to me, not that he's mean, he's just not affectionate. i hate that i have to stop asking him to interact with things related to his problem. i don't like that he doesn't check in daily. i just want him to do more. why doesn't he feel as terrible as i do?

im trying to feel better but i'm still so upset and angry. what do i do. i hate getting advice that's just "read a book" or "love yourself"

it's such bullshit and it doesn't make me feel better, i've tried. i'm so angry at him. he's a fucking liar. all he does is lie. i hate his interests because it all has to do with his fucking addiction and his need for dopamine. the scrolling and the music and everything he does. im so angry. sometimes i wanna slap him across the face. i'm so furious. i can't believe he could lie like this. he's emotionally unintelligent. he once tried to sit there and act like his grandmother dying was the reason he kept doing it. are you fucking kidding me? can you imagine? somebody using your passing to justify their porn addiction? fucking disgusting. i have lost so much respect for him. i hate him most days. he makes me so angry. he's not even trying, it's like he's not even interested in me. he's doing everything right but it doesn't feel like he even loves me or wants to be intimate. i'm so angry. he's such a fucking loser and i hate him so much sometimes