Looking for advice on husband's heavy THC use
Hey everyone, I hope this is an okay place to ask this, and I'm sorry if it's not!
My husband is currently a heavy user of thc. He's hooked on carts right now, with really high thc. He's a recovering alcoholic and used to be hooked on nicotine, so obviously weed is a lesser worry in my mind (healthwise, at least).
He's a responsible guy, works full-time, goes to therapy, and we're even in couple's therapy. I'm not interested in trying to make him stop completely. When we first started using weed about 4 years ago, we talked about the difference between a tool and a crutch. To me, it's become clear that he's crossed into the compulsive-use phase and it's become a crutch. On days when he doesn't work, he vapes from sun up to sundown. He's going through vapes and cartridges extremely quickly. I've been secretly keeping tabs on how much he spends on weed each month, and it's astronomical. We both work and make a comfortable living and we don't want/have kids, so the money thing is not a huge deal, but we do want to try and save up for a house and this has become an expensive habit.
I've tried bringing it up before, and he becomes extremely defensive. I know it's not right for me to try to force him to change his behavior, and he won't change unless he wants to or sees a need to. Mostly, it makes me sad that I hardly ever get to interact with him while he's sober. He's forgetful and doesn't sleep well. He's on antidepressants and adhd meds, and I don't think they're as effective as they should be because of the thc.
We're taking a trip in a couple weeks to a country where weed is still illegal. I'm nervous that he's going to try and sneak a vape on the plane, or buy some while we're there. He's never taken a T-break since he started smoking 4 years ago.
I guess my question for you guys is, what would you do in my situation? I'm thinking of bringing up my concerns in our couple's therapy session tomorrow, but I'm worried he'll feel attacked. I don't want him to think I'm trying to control him, and I don't actually want to control him. I want him to do what he wants. But I worry about fallout and his moods on our vacation. I'm worried that everything will revolve around him finding weed while we're on vacation.
We've been together for 16 years, and we've built a wonderful life together. I'm proud of him for all his accomplishments, and I'm generally very happy. This is just a sensitive topic that I've definitely not approached well in the past, and I'm trying to figure out how to talk to him about my concerns. Thanks in advance if you read all of this, I appreciate any and all insight!