u/jhcollier

To my beloved humans,

I regret to inform you that upon hearing the first BOOM tonight, I abandoned all dignity I have spent years building.

I knocked over the water bowl. I wedged my egg-shaped head and entire torso behind the toilet, a space clearly meant for objects one-tenth my size. I sat directly on your chest at 9:47pm, trembling dramatically, as if the apocalypse itself had personally requested my presence in your lap.
I did not “handle it like a big girl,” as you so hopefully suggested in March.

I understand you tried. The white noise machine. The thunder shirt. The frozen peanut butter Kong, abandoned mid-lick the moment the neighbors started celebrating their independence with what sounds like a minor war.

I am not sorry for the frantic laps around the living room. That was necessary.

I am not sorry for trying to fit my entire body inside the bathtub despite being shaped like a very determined potato.

But I am sorry… truly… for making you miss the finale because you were busy holding my face and whispering “it’s okay girl” to a dog who was actively planning her escape to Canada.

We’ll try again next year. I make no promises.

With love, zoomies, and one deeply offended stare,

Your Bull Terrier 🐾