Anyone else completely checked out?
NSFW for passive SI, non graphic talk about attempt
Yes I know about freeze and burnout and all that, de-personalization and de-realization. All these things and patterns. For the past weeks I've just been completely gone. It started when I noticed that I do not share any experience with any of my friends or acquaintances so I just stopped caring about it? I've isolated myself now for 3 weeks, get up in the morning WFH then sleep in the afternoon, because of the total exhaustion (burnout yay), stay awake until 1 am doom scrolling and on the next day rinse and repeat.
But I don't care anymore, yes I could pay for therapy without relying on the public healthcare, yes I could talk to friends about it but I don't care anymore. Every resource, every experience I read about this just points to deal with it or here is how you learn to deal with it. I am dealing with it by avoiding it. I've wanted to off myself pretty consistently for 10 years and attempted 4 years ago. Pre teen and teenage me also had suicidal thoughts. It's a constant thing in my life. At this point I'm researching how assisted suicide works with mental health issues in my country.
I'm just not here anymore. I thought about drinking alcohol or smoking cannabis as coping but even that thought is more like meh I don't care about it.
The only thing bothering me right now is the exhaustion and my fucked up sleeping, but other than that.