u/johana_cuervos666

I think it's really important that, in this group, we make a distinction between classic limerence and limerence that happens alongside other conditions, especially BPD. I see a lot of confusion here about whether people are struggling with limerence or with the "favorite person" dynamic often discussed in BPD communities.

I study psychology, so I wanted to break it down in a simple way.

Classic limerence is centred around the limerent object (LO). It usually involves three main things: intense idealization, obsession, and a strong need for reciprocation. It can last for years, sometimes even decades. It doesn't just disappears or changes as easy to the next LO.

Another important point is that, in classic limerence, the idealization usually fades gradually. After therapy or enough time, you might stop seeing your LO as this perfect, god-like person, but you don't usually swing to, "They're ugly, evil, boring, and I never liked them anyway." The pedestal comes down, but the person isn't suddenly demonized.

Classic limerence also often comes with anxiety, depression, intrusive thoughts, insomnia, and obsessive rumination. While impulsive behaviour can happen, it's not usually the defining feature.

Now, compare that to what many people call the favorite person (FP) dynamic in BPD. The obsession and idealization can look very similar at first. Someone becomes the most amazing, beautiful, intelligent person in the world, there's rumination, obsession as intense as classic limerence.

The difference is that, after rejection or disappointment, there's often an extreme devaluation. The person goes from being perfect to being worthless. Suddenly they're "ugly," "evil", "boring," "stupid," or "never that special." That black-and-white flip is much more characteristic of BPD than classic limerence.

BPD can also involve much more impulsivity. That might look like cheating, risky sex, gambling, substance addiction,self-harm, explosive anger, repeatedly messaging someone after rejection, or other impulsive behaviours that are later regretted. Another common feature is an intense fear of abandonment.

People with autism and ADHD can absolutely experience limerence too. In many autistic people it resembles the classic pattern, while ADHD can sometimes make the obsessive pursuit or novelty-seeking feel even more intense. But those are different discussions.

My point isn't to diagnose anyone. It's simply that I think this community sometimes mixes together very different psychological experiences. Not every obsession is the same, and understanding those differences can help people find the right kind of treatment and support.