u/johnnybrowner

salutations one and all

I would like to remind everyone of the 10 Reddit commandments of primavera, now that the festival is mere days away. I’m sure many of you still remember and revise these rules but for the uninitiated I would like to reinstate them,

apologies for missing last year, I could not make the festival as I was busy getting my lute serviced

Behold, the 10 sacred Reddit commandments of primavera

1: no talking at performances. 0 chatter, none at all, if I hear you talking I’m reporting you on Reddit

2: no audible singing along to performances, I am here to listen to the artist. Not you.

3: No alcohol, primavera is not a party and we are not here to have ‘fun’

4: do not run in between sets, if I see anyone running I will trip them over with my walking cane

5: nobody over the height of 5 foot 6 (my height) is allowed past the gates. I do not want to stand behind tall people at performances

6: no excessive enjoyment

7: no skimpy dresses. I will not be assaulted by scenes of feckless harlots frolicking around.

8: thou must post on Reddit at least once a performance, with a review

9: no kissing

10: enjoy yourself

The beginning

My first experience with chest pains was the morning after a heavy night out with friends, I was sitting on the bus going back to my hometown during university summer break. I felt a sharp pain in the centre of my chest, and immediately started to freak out. I had done a tiny amount of cocaine the night before and so my mind immediately jumped to that being the cause. I thought there was something wrong with my heart and decided to see a doctor as soon as I got home.

The doctor told me that I was fine, and that there was nothing to worry about, but I wasn't convinced. The following few months I was in and out of hospitals. Whenever chest pains struck, I feared the worst. On several occasions I called ambulances for myself thinking I was having a heart attack, and each time they did an ECG and it came back normal, but I couldn't shake the doubt. I would find it hard to sleep at night, sometimes waking up the moment I drift off to sleep with a huge adrenalin surge, convinced that I was on the cusp of heart failure.

I was told by doctors that I was fine but I was never told that It was caused by anxiety, so I was left feeling unfulfilled because I wasn't aware of what my issue was. The pain could come in many forms, dull ache, sharp pains, sometimes I would get pains in my arms and face at the same time.

Around this time I was extremely conscious of potential symptoms of stroke or heart problems, I would feel numb in my face for example and think I was having a stroke. Eventually, I was told by a doctor that stress and anxiety can cause chest pains. It took a few months to get over the worry, but I eventually believed that it was just anxiety. At the end of the summer break I went back to London and allowed the health anxiety to leave my life, thinking and worrying about it rarely and allowing myself to counter the anxious thoughts with rational ones. My chest pains disappeared.

The 'relapse'

A few years later (2025), I was working from home one day when I experienced the chest pains again. I hadn't had any for a long time and I didn't initially freak out the same way I used to, but the pains continued and the negative thoughts came back. My thoughts spiralled and my chest pains continued, I went to the hospital for another appointment and the ECG came back normal. It gave me temporary relief, but my doubt kicked in as the chest pains continued so I eventually spent a ridiculous amount of money for a cardiologist to give me a echocardiogram test, which of course, came back normal.

My anxiety around chest pains faded, but a new chromic symptom appeared which caused my health anxiety to return. I was beginning to hear a whooshing/ heartbeat sound in one ear (Pulsatile tinnitus), and of course (after googling my symptoms and finding out I had an array of life threatening illnesses) assumed the worst. I spent another ridiculous sum of money for a MRI that revealed to me there was nothing to worry about, just a large vein that was of normal variation.

I also, around this time, had developed a fear of my blood pressure. I was getting high blood pressure readings in hospitals and GP clinics- this was new to me, when I had done BP test in the past it would always come back normal. I began to obsess. Taking blood pressure reading every day, feeling incredibly anxious every time I took it. My blood pressure was coming back consistently high. Of course, it was only coming back high because I was anxious to take my reading, and my heart would beat faster and harder every time. I could feel my body shake from the harder heart beats, but I didn't realise at the time that this was why I was getting higher readings. It created a vicious cycle of worrying about the blood pressure, taking a reading when anxious with spiked blood pressure and feeling dreadful about the result.

It took my a long time to get over this, which at the time felt like the final health anxiety hurdle, but once I fully accepted that my blood pressure was only high because of anxiety I was able to move on. I stopped taking readings and allowed myself to relax about it, I allowed my health anxiety to fade away.

The aftermath

Later into 2025, once I had largely moved past my health anxiety, I was in a much better place. I learned that my chest pain was likely costochondritis (a harmless inflammation of the cartilage in the chest). I don't worry about my pulsatile tinnitus even though I do still sometimes experience it, and my blood pressure no longer concerns me as I have fully internalised that it was just a result of anxiety.

I experienced a panic attack earlier this year, which started a new battle with anxiety that was essentially a new form of health anxiety - this time it was mental health anxiety. I was afraid of having another panic attack and I began to worry about the future of my mental health issues. I have been prescribed sertraline (an SSRI) to help with these feelings, and have now been on them for 3 months.

I'm feeling far better in general than I was last year at the peaks of my health anxiety, my medication has certainly seemed to improve my proclivity to panic and rumination. Whilst anxiety is still a part of my life, and probably always will be, I wanted to make this post to help people understand that bouts of health anxiety can be overcome, and that the physical symptoms of anxiety are often misunderstood as health issues.

I look forward to retuning to a more stable period of my life, one that I knew very well before the health anxiety of last year. If anyone has any questions please don't hesitate to ask!