u/jokemaker14

Hey everyone! Bridesmaid here, and I'm starting to get anxious about attending the bachelorette party, mostly because I'm worried about the MOH being pissed at me.

Backstory, I've been unemployed since the end of February, and that has caused obvious financial stress. The MOH knows about my situation as does everyone else. When it came time for the bridal shower my MIL graciously helped pay for my portion of what I was responsible for. She insisted on it and it was a great help.

The bachelorette is going to be a weekend in NYC. I know, I know, people will say I could've backed out but the bride is my SIL and I've never been in a bridal party before. My husband is basically paying for me to go and covering my expenses. We are not rich by any means, but are able to afford me attending the weekend. The other night my husband mentioned that when I get back he'll use whatever money is left in the budget to get his suit for the wedding. This made me so sad, because he should not have to cheap out on a suit so I can get $30 cocktails.

The MOH sent everyone the itinerary the other night and I got very nervous. For the past few months I was told more than once by her and the bride that as far as food goes it would be low key like pizza, chinese take out, and possibly one sit down restaurant. The MOH even asked me for a list of recs, and I figured she might use some, she might not use any. She booked two reservations for dinner and brunch and it's way more than I was expecting. After looking on here for advice and talking to a close friend I decided to reach out and ask her what the expectations were for paying for the bride during the trip.

She told me the bride will be paying for her own things and it's going to be an expensive enough trip and that NYC is a hard city to keep costs down and she definitely had affordability in mind. (To me $30 plates plus drinks, tax, and tip is way more than splitting a pizza.) I told her since I had been expecting more low key options that I wanted to be upfront and let her know I can only afford to pay for myself during the weekend.

MOH sent me a massive text and seemed agitated with me, saying the bride deserves a nice, planned bachelorette and that she worked for hours on the itinerary to make it as affordable as possible and doesn't understand where my hesitancy is coming from especially since I sent her a list of cocktail bars. (The bars are on the itinerary in a list format - it's highly unlikely we are going to every single one.) She again said that it is not expected I pay for anything for the bride.

I told her I just wanted clarification on the expectations and wanted to be upfront with her about my financial situation. That I wasn't trying to get out of paying for anything or making a dig at her itinerary because it is a great plan. She seemed to be fine after this message saying she didn't think that and assumed everyone including the bride is budgeting for the trip and said she was looking forward to it.

Maybe we just have different communication styles, but now I'm worried that on the trip my spending is going to be put under a microscope - like if I don't get drinks at dinner, or keep it light at the bars she's going to say something. She also wants us to download an app to split the checks and after looking into it's many one star reviews I don't feel comfortable giving out my info to an app I'm only going to use for three days. Apparently there's a paywall to it as well so I don't know. Should I just not think about it and do my own thing and enjoy myself?

Hey all! Just wanting to vent a little. I'm a bridesmaid in my sister-in-law's wedding and I couldn't be more excited. Earlier in the year I was laid off from my job and am still currently looking for work. The bridal party and my husband's family know this and have been really sweet asking what I can and can't afford. The bridal shower is coming up and with my mother-in-law, MOH, and the other bridesmaid we are all contributing and help planning it.

I've been tasked with handling the food and beverages which I am able to take care of, but I feel like they all went radio silent. I made an expense sheet for all the things we need to purchase and who is taking care of what and there's still blank spaces. The MOH is taking care of favors and providing a game but wants to give out prizes, like gift cards, and has left that blank. I have no clue if she wants us all to split that cost or even what her budget is for that. The bride told me she isn't the type to really think about what something costs, so I feel anxious.

When it comes to plates and cups my mother-in-law seemed like she wanted to take care of that along with tables and tablecloths but I have not heard her mention it at all. I used to plan parties like this at my last job down to every detail so I know the amount of planning and work that goes into these things.

I messaged the MOH about having a meeting the week before, it's less than three weeks away now, and she said she's pretty busy and that everything is good on her end and she'd look at the expense sheet when she gets a chance. Do I just go along for the ride and take care of what I'm taking care of and not worry about the other stuff? I feel like there's a lot that needs to be finalized and I feel like that should be up to my mother-in-law and the MOH, but besides sending a text or email no one responds to I don't know what else I can really do here. I just don't what there to be total chaos the day before if things weren't purchased in time.

**UPDATE:

Well, this is funny, because a couple hours after I posted this, my mother-in-law contacted me to meet up with her this evening. We went over bridal shower everything, and she also felt lost with the planning, unbeknownst to me. She said the MOH is hard to get hold of but she would talk to her and the other bridesmaid about what they were going to be responsible for and went over the entire menu with me. I am still in charge of food and bev, but she needed me to tell her exactly what was going into the menu and she could Zelle me for some of the food to take some pressure off my financial situation. As far as game prizes she said she's sure the MOH would take care of that and me not worry about it.

When it comes to planning, usually my mother-in-law is very last minute, and until now I felt like she had the same attitude towards the wedding based on previous conversations but I think she's realizing the work needing to go into it now. I told her she can be responsible for the things I had mentioned above plates, tablecloths, etc and she is very excited to make that happen. She is an interior designer and really wants to handle any decor/little touches. Overall, VERY relieved about this. I think I was just letting my anxiety get the best of me. Thanks for the advice everyone!