r/bridesmaids

I was asked to be MOH for a friends upcoming wedding about a year ago in the state we live in.

I’ve already attended:
-her picking out her dress and celebratory lunch
-planned & attended bachelorette planning brunch
-cross country bachelorette party (majority of expenses were split though I paid for rental car, “cheap meals”, some decorations, and majority of gifts. Party required a flight, hotel, whale watching, and PTO)

I planned to attend:
-cross country bridal shower (requiring flight) planned by bride’s family and date chosen without consulting me
-dress fittings that would work with my schedule (travel 50% for work)

When I originally planned to go to the bridal shower, even though it required a weekend trip out of state, I figured I’d spend time with my family who live about 2hours (one way) to the location. Over the course of the time I learned the date and received invite I learned that my family would not be available and another friend invited us to a wedding where I live (drivable from home without a hotel).

While not being originally invited to this wedding, I’d say they are closer than a random coworker and does not feel like a throw away invite. We have spent nearly all bdays together over the last 5 years, she’s in my book club, and sister to one of my best friends. I even attended her surprise engagement party invited by her fiancé and have been to several of their “family” dinners they host throughout the year. They had told us months in advance that we didn’t make the first list, but if numbers allowed we would be the first couple they’d invite if they could. I’m also engaged and planning a wedding and we have them on our list to be invited to our wedding.

So, I texted the bride of the bridal shower to see how she would feel if I missed the bridal shower. She said she’d be disappointed, but wasn’t going to make the decision for me (fair enough). I did research on what the best decision would be, I asked close friends (not attending brides wedding) and family for advice, and spoke with my fiancé. Ultimately, I decided that a bridal shower (while important) is not as important as a wedding. And since I am not able to justify the time and money it takes to fly across the country and drive the the bridal shower with nothing else to do that weekend, it simply wouldn’t make sense for me to attend.

I talked to the bride again explaining my thought process: the closeness of the couple getting married the same day as the bridal shower and my family’s lack of availability. That I knew this was important to her and it would be disappointing to her, but I couldn’t justify it. I also accepted accountability for not tracking the date of the wedding and building up expectations (RSVP no is still in advance and before RSVPs were due).

Ultimately, she told me that she wants to re-evaluate our friendship and insinuating removing me as MOH because I’m not showing up to her as a friend would. That I’d understand more when I was getting married. She also uninvited me to her upcoming dress fitting.

While, I understand she is 100% justified in being disappointed and she’s had a lot of people she thought were friends not RSVP to her wedding yet (not due yet) or respond/attend the bachelorette weekend. I don’t think it’s fair to say I haven’t been showing up for her and I haven’t been a good friend for skipping one event.

Am I a bad friend/MOH? Am I making the wrong decision?

My best friend of almost 3 years asked me to be a bridesmaid in her wedding and I of course said yes. She isn’t having a maid of honor but I’m standing right next to her in her wedding and that’s essentially my role. I’ve been happy for her and her fiancé up until she told me her fiancé said my boyfriend isn’t invited. He said he doesn’t want a cheater at his wedding. Here’s some backstory: My boyfriend and I met the summer of 2023 and I moved in with him August 2025. After 3 weeks of living together I found flirty messages he was sending to other girls and we broke up. We were both going through some things at the time and I only moved in because my lease was up and I hadn’t found a new place. We took some time apart and got back together in December. We have since worked through things and have been happily living together since April 2026. Our relationship has not been perfect by any means but we love each other and make it work. Her relationship is by no means perfect either. She’s told me about an incident where her fiancé was messaging girls on instagram and lied about it until he eventually blocked her, which just makes it seem a little hypocritical. Her wedding is in May 2027 and I have been along for the ride touring venues, and will be part of planning her bachelorette, etc. I can’t help but be a little down any time she brings up her wedding knowing I would have to go alone. How do I stand next to her during her wedding and celebrate their love when the person I love doesn’t get to be there? I understand it’s their wedding and they are free to invite who they want, but he’d just be my plus one, not actually in the wedding. It almost feels like I have to choose between my boyfriend and my friend. If I go without him, he’ll be hurt, but if I don’t go, she’ll be hurt. The four of us have also hung out together multiple times since my bf and I got back together and everything has been fine. Everyone gets along and has fun, which is partly why I was shocked when she told me. There’s still time for things to change, but I have no idea what to do if her fiance doesn’t change his mind. Even if he does, the whole situation has me feeling some type of way. I haven’t told my boyfriend any of this because I know he’d not only be hurt, but probably not ever want to hang out with them again. My friend has also made it seem like he was included and going to be a guest, so now it’s not just that he isn’t invited, he’d basically be uninvited. I’m not sure how to bring this up to her or my boyfriend, or if I even should.

Hello everyone, one of my highschool friends is getting married and asked me to be a bridesmaid, we're 8 in total.

We're very close to the wedding (October, 2026) but we're starting to plan the bachelorette and day of the wedding stuff, as she asked us to be bridesmaids 2-3 weeks ago.

My main questions/issues are the following:

1. I'm a MUA and I already offered to do the bridesmaids makeup, I'd like to charge a small amount for materials and time but I have 2 friends who are also bridesmaids whom I'd like to do their make up for free, would it be acceptable to send a general message to the bridesmaids group telling them about the small charge and a separate to my other friends saying I'd like to do their makeup for free?
2. There's already 2 bridesmaids that haven't said or vote in the groupchat, regarding the bachelorette trip date and a zoom meeting to discuss details, how should the rest of us handle this? 1 of them is the bride's cousin and the other one is a friend the rest of us haven't met.
3. One of the bridesmaids is the bride's neighbor who's close to the MOB, she told us MOB wants to be part of the trip along with the brides aunts but when speaking to the bride, she already knows and wouldn't be comfortable with that... I already suggested she talks to MOB and tell her that traditionally (we're Mexican and the bride is Mexican-American) MOB and her family usually throw a bridal shower, there's no update on this, how should this topic be handled from now on? I don't want the bride to feel uncomfortable and don't want the other bridesmaid to push on this matter...

Any other advide/tip you can give me will be appreciated! Thank you!

Hello,

I am getting married next year and I planned to have 5 bridesmaid. I have not asked my (5) people to be my bridesmaids but I do know who I would like to have. One of them as my sister is now on my 50/50 list because she plans on moving back and forth to another state. I’m sure she will be gone next summer and stated that she will be presented in events that are planned such as bachelorette or bridal shower, etc. however, she doesn’t understand that I would need her for more than that. I rely on her more than my other bridesmaid and I would like her to be present when I need to do DIY’s or go to the store with me to pick out stuff. She thinks she can just show up on the day of the wedding and just be present. At this point, she’s not reliable and it’s really frustrating.

I do plan on having a talk with her but I don’t trust her because she’s a wild card and just ups and leave whenever she feels like it.

Any advice? Should I not put her as my bridesmaid or am I being a B?

So two parts to this:

1. I am between have 8 bridesmaids (three of which are honor titles- I know 🫠, but i am pretty much equally close to all 3 and they are all local) or 4 bridesmaids (no honors) and a bridesman. I am leaning towards the 8 to include a lot of my and my finance’s favorite people. The five is just the most paired down version with just about everyone being who I talk to or see the most, it does get a little more complicated with the 8 since more people are out of the area. How has everyone navigated a similar decision?

2. Then there is the gifting part of this, I am trying to keep a reasonable budget ($400-$500 total). Is this average or low? Obviously that spreads thinner with 8 people, but my thought is quality over quantity (which is hard when every box I received or see online is pretty jam packed). Currently, I am thinking of a single mid range piece of jewelry vs a box with a bunch of Amazon goodies, maybe something with a gemstone or lab grown version. Then a little something extra for the honor titles. Then I would get them all a matching set closer to the wedding so I can get the most accurate sizing/ as a thank you. I am running into a lot of issues on Etsy in the midrange area with so many pieces that look nice, but in deep inspection are likely drop shipped from alibaba and marked up. Do you have any recs? Is this a lame gift? I’m just trying to get something special that people can use for the wedding and again afterwards.

Analysis paralysis on these are so real 🙃

I'm a bridesmaid in a wedding that's about a month away, and I could really use some advice from people who have been through this before.

For some context, the bride and I have been childhood friends. She's normally very Type A, just like me, but there has been a lot of family drama from the groom's side, and I think she's trying to keep the peace by being extremely laid-back about everything. The wedding is in August, with an outdoor ceremony and an indoor reception.

The biggest issue right now is the groom's sisters. They seem to have a problem with almost every detail of the wedding and have created a lot of stress and tension. It feels like there's constant drama, and I'm honestly not sure how much of it is normal wedding-family conflict versus something more unusual.

There are also no wedding events leading up to the wedding—no bachelorette party, no bridal shower, no rehearsal dinner, no maid of honour, and no best man. None of the bridesmaids have met each other before, so there isn't really anyone I can turn to for guidance.

The bride has told us we can choose our own shoes, shoe colour, jewelry, hairstyle, and makeup. We're doing our own makeup, and she even said we can change into comfortable clothes after dinner.

My dress was just ordered, and now I'm starting to panic because I have no idea what I'm supposed to be doing or what to expect.

A few questions:

• Who do I go to with wedding-party questions when there is no maid of honour?
• How much should I be asking the bride versus figuring things out on my own?
• For a formal wedding, what would you do for hair and makeup if you had complete freedom?
• What kind of outfit would you change into after dinner?
• What should I bring with me on the wedding day?
• What would you put in a bridesmaid emergency kit?
• Is this level of "do whatever you want" actually normal?

I haven't been in a wedding since I was a kid, and I'm feeling completely lost. Add in the family drama and lack of direction, and my Type A brain is struggling. I'd really appreciate any advice from experienced bridesmaids or brides.

I’m planning to order a dress from Azazie using their custom sizing option. I’m 5”3 so definitely will need the dress shorter but planning to wear ~3 inch heels. I know you can add extra length for your heels but read some people havs issues with the dress still being too long and others too short. Wondering if anyone who has ordered custom sizing from Azazie has advice on how much extra I should put for the length to avoid needing further alterations?

Thanks!

Hi everyone! I’m a first time bridesmaid in a wedding in a few weeks and have a lot of anxiety around it. This is my first wedding I’m attending in my adult life and I am also the youngest bridesmaid by about 5-10 years. I’m the only one travelling from out of town and don’t get a plus one.

I didn’t attended the bridal shower or bachelorette party because of the travel and cost (the bride was the one who told me she didn’t expect me to attend those just cared about the wedding) and I don’t know if I have missed out on a lot of details or not.

All I know is my hair and makeup is 6am the day of, the wedding ceremony is at 4:30pm and the reception goes until 1am.

What all is going to happen throughout the day? I’m first at hair and makeup at 6am and that’s scheduled until 11am do I just hang around with everyone? What happens after hair and makeup until the ceremony?

Is it customary for bridesmaids to stay until the end of the reception? Is it a faux pas to leave early and if not how long should I be staying?

Part of all my anxieties is that I have severe dietary restrictions and while the bride knows and has some similar ones and I rsvp’d indicating them, I’m worried I won’t be able to have much food available throughout the day. I plan to bring my own snacks and we are getting ready at the hotel and I’ll bring my own food there but there’s just still a lot of unknowns and I’m worried these are silly questions and don’t want to ask the bride.

Any insight is appreciated!

Hi all! Just to get it out of the way now, she does not have a registry and already lives with her fiancé. I’ve already gotten two small gifts: embroidered panties and a ring/jewelry dish. I’m looking for more heartfelt gift or just really good one! I was thinking about doing lots of small gifts in a basket.

She’s recently going through a friend breakup along with wedding planning stress so I want this to include something so she knows I’m always there for her. Would it be weird to do a picture of us and a sweet note?

All ideas are welcome!

Hi all,

I got engaged in January, but the wedding will be in the fall next year. Although wedding and marriage have been discussed with my fiancé and his family for months now, I am feeling conflicted about choosing my maid of honor. For a little context, over the past four years, I've become really close to my fiancé's two sisters, especially the one my age. We have a lot in common, and she is just an amazing person, a great listener, and always knows what to say. She has also been close to the planning processes and has offered to help pay for catering. So obviously she is the person who comes to mind when I think of Maid of Honor. The only issue is that her younger sister already expects me to choose her older sister and has even made salty comments about it. IDK how to put it, but she is in her early 20s and can be a brat. Don't get me wrong, she is fun to be around until something doesn't go her way. I just feel like she might make a scene if she finds out I chose her sister.
I also have my college bestie who I absolutely adore. And I have no doubts she will make a great right hand on the day of the wedding. The only problem is she lives about an hour and a half away, and she just started culinary school, so I feel she will be tied up with that. As well as working full-time. I will mention that she is a bit inconsistent when talking through text, so I also worry that getting a hold of her through the planning process will be annoying.

So I would appreciate some advice when choosing the maid of honor.

I need advice on what to do in this situation. My best friend (we’ll call her C) and I are both getting married 3 months apart. She is one of my bridesmaids (sister is my MOH) and I am C’s MOH. Due to scheduling, we had our bachelorette trips two weeks apart. During my bachelorette trip I had all of my bridesmaids, one of them being my fiance’s sister. Throughout the trip, C did not show any interest in getting to know my future SIL (this was their first time formally meeting). However, asked everyone in the group (also first time meeting) personal questions, telling all the girls they look beautiful, asking for everyone’s social media, holding the door for others, except to my SIL. C later invites every other girl except for my SIL to her bachelorette party (2 weeks after mine) in front of her. Being upset she called my fiance (her brother) to vent. She is also in a tough place bc she just got dumped (all of my bridesmaids knew). She gave him some of the details and how she was feeling at the time she was thinking maybe she was just being emotional/overthinking. When I got home, my fiance mentioned it but we didn’t get deep into it. Fast forward to C’s bachelorette trip, as her MOH she reached out asking if I had indeed invited all the other girls for her (didn’t mention my SIL). I have no right to dictate who she wants/doesn’t want there, but I knew it would cause tension and voiced this to her. The worst part is that I just found out most of these details today after my SIL had seen C’s bachelorette pics and reached out to me and explained C intentionally excluding her at my trip and showing no effort of getting to know her. Here’s the kicker, I had never seen this side of C before and am now questioning why she would want to go out of her way to exclude my future SIL. This has caused my fiance and his family to also feel as though she doesn’t care about me or the strain this has caused right before my wedding (in 10 days). I love my SIL and to me family is more important as they’re nothing but great to me and haven’t forced me to make any permanent decision regarding this. However, do I allow C to still be part of my wedding and me be apart of hers if this is how she treats my new family? How do I approach having a conversation with C? Is it bad if we part ways if she makes excuses/ downplays the situation?

Random extras:
C did not make these girls her bridesmaids, just extra guests on the trip.

She is bad with names, but to this day never gets my fiances (simple) name right. Even put the wrong name on her save the date that we received.

My fiancé and I got engaged in December. We recently put a deposit down on our venue, DJ, and photographer. The wedding planning is officially in full swing, and now with the summer months allowing me a calmer time at work, I’ll have a lot more time on my hands to really do a lot of the other planning that goes with it.

The friends who will be in my bridal party all know that I will be asking them to be bridesmaids. Everyone has been super supportive and we all have a fun relationship. I feel very lucky to be surrounded by my group of friends who have been so supportive of my relationship since day one and have been so excited for the wedding and all that comes with it.

My best friend (who will be my Matron of Honor) and one of my other close friends (who will be a bridesmaid) keep joking that since I haven’t asked them to be in the wedding party yet, that they’re just regular wedding guests. They keep going on and on about how they’ll be watching from the audience and changed our group chat name to “the wedding guests” 😂. I am in the process of making a cute little bridesmaid proposal box and they know it’s coming, but they’ve been joking about this every time I see them (and we all laugh … it’s seriously in good fun).

Growing up, we’ve done crazy planning and events for each other, sometimes super over the top (21st birthdays, baby showers, other bachelorettes, video montages, all sorts of special birthday surprises) and we consistently are competitive in one upping each other to show grand gestures of affection.

I know asking a friend to be a bridesmaid is simple and sometimes silly, but I would LOVE to do some kind of grand gesture to really surprise them/put them on the spot. I know they’ll get a kick out of whatever happens.

Got any ideas? We all have a great sense of humor and I need some help being creative!

Hi! I am a maid of honor currently working on the bridal shower for the bride. Her current wedding registry is asking for gift cards/cash, totally fine. if I receive confirmation from the bride/groom that their reasonings for this is that they’re not looking to have physical items gifted to them, should I put this somewhere on the bridal shower invites? I know there are always guests who will gift against the registry so I just want to see how others may approached this with their brides having a registry with no physical items.

I'm getting married in October and wanted to do something special to thank the 9 amazing friends who are coming to my bachelorette weekend.

We're doing a 3-day girls trip in Paso Robles (wine tasting, pool, good food, relaxing) and then a couple weeks later I'm getting married at the Taco Bell Cantina in Las Vegas 🌮😂 So it's definitely not your average wedding.

I'd love to give everyone a thoughtful thank-you gift at the end of the weekend. I'm trying to avoid the typical personalized tumbler/robe that will probably never get used again. I'd rather spend a little more on something they'll actually enjoy or keep.

Budget is around $50–100 per person, but I'm flexible if it's something really unique.

Has anyone given or received a bachelorette gift that you still use or absolutely loved? Bonus points if it fits the wine trip or Taco Bell vibe without being cheesy.

Would love to hear your favorite ideas!

Hello! I’m getting married in April and have contacted all my bridesmaids. One of my best friends will be wearing a suit on my side, which is perfectly fine. I would never ask her to wear a dress and she was willing to buy a new suit in any color for the event. The issue is my bridesmaids are wearing emerald green; I can’t ask her to buy a suit that color without turning her into a bad leprechaun.
So we planned on her wearing a navy suit, like the groomsmen. How do I make sure she stands apart from the groomsmen without also pulling attention from the groom?

I can’t decide how many bridesmaids I want in my wedding. I definitely want my sister and my lifelong friend to be co maids of honor and my two cousins who have been so helpful with planning and helping me find my wedding dress. I’d love to have my future sister in law as my matron of honor but she has two children under 5 (by the time we have our wedding), so she’s a definite yes on my list but I don’t know if she’d want to since she’d be handling the kids (we wanted her husband to officiate our wedding) hence the question mark below, BUT my fiance and I were thinking of having our bridal and groom’s party sit in the front two rows since the ceremony space is a bit small if we decided to have more than 4-5 bridesmaids/groomsmen. We also love the way pictures look with just the bride and groom and officiant.

Here’s are the options I’m considering:

Option 1:

1. My sister
2. My best friend
3. Cousin #1
4. Cousin #2
5. My sister in law?

Option 2:

1. My sister
2. My best friend
3. Cousin #1
4. Cousin #2
5. My sister in law?
6. Cousin #3

Option 3:

1. My sister
2. My best friend
3. Cousin #1
4. Cousin #2
5. My sister in law?
6. Cousin #3
7. Friend #1
8. Friend #2

My hesitancy with option 3 list is because I am close with my cousin and two friends but I keep seeing that you should only have bridesmaids that are your true ride or dies. But I can’t decide what’s true?? I love them and I know that all three would totally drop everything if I needed help but we don’t talk/hang out regularly unless it’s a group setting and the friendships are somewhat new compared to the other women I want in my bridal party AND I don’t know if that’s too many bridesmaids. I’ve heard the more bridesmaids, the more logistical issues you run into. I do want a bachelorette trip, my family wants to throw me a bridal shower, so they’d be invited to that the rehearsal party and the wedding.

My bachelorette trip would be a weekend trip that’s an hour drive away from where we all live in California. The only person who would maybe need to fly out is my sister but she may be attending grad school back in California by that time. It also wouldn’t be a party kind of trip - we would hike, cook food at the Airbnb and maybeee grab dinner and drinks or brunch one of the days/nights depending on what everyone’s vibe, so I think it’d be a lower budget version of a bachelorette trip.

We won’t be having a MUA or hair stylist for the wedding to cut down on costs.

I want to keep our wedding and wedding events as cheap as possible in light of everything. We’re also young so I want to be mindful of budget but all 8 of them are asking if I’m having a bachelorette party or trip or bridal shower, so it seems like they’re down to do it to celebrate me

I have a very strong feeling all of the 8 women would be over the moon to be a part of my bridal party and would be willing to commit that much time (except my sister in law because she’s a stay at home mom so that may be hard on her, she may also be moving to a different state - VERY up in the air right now). They are also all fine with paying for their dresses.

So I think it’d be okay to have that many unless I’m missing something. What other logistical problems could I run into with a large bridal group?

Please share any and all thoughts. I need help deciding lol!!!

Hey!! Looking for some east coast bach locations. looking for around NY, VA, PA, MD area.. open to further for the right spot. I was hoping for a mix of going out, maybe a spa day, city exploring. Give all the suggestions!! thank you!!
Edit: Hopjng to go around March/April/early May 2027

My mom wants to wear the same color as my bridesmaids (black) she’s done so much for me in my life and for this wedding so I can’t really say no but she brought up a good point that my dad and my fiancés dad will be wearing black suits most likely so that it only makes sense if my fiancés mom also wears a black dress (so she doesn’t feel left out but also so when we do the parents picture it all matches)

Future MIL doesn’t seem to keen on wearing the same color as my bridesmaids……. I guess she’s worried about looking like a bridesmaid? I’m not sure if it’s just that or if she doesn’t wanna wear black.

I really don’t want to be a bridezilla lol but what would you do in this situation? Let her wear whatever? Or still try to encourage a black dress?

I feel silly typing this

On one hand I agree black would look better on the other hand is this the hill I wanna die on with future MIL?