r/bridesmaids

Hello 😄

Hoping for some help and opinions !

So firstly Im looking on a few different websites for bridesmaid dresses, i am plus size like proper chunk 😂 usually wear UK 28 some brands UK30 ( AND SHORT!). So i am cautious of sizing as very mixed reviews , alot do have a sizing guide but unsure if they can be trusted ect... so i am wondering does anyone have an recommendations of sites that are trust worthy and accommodating for my size , please and thankyou 😄.

Secondly , bit of an odd one .... probably over thinking but , the 3 other bridesmaids are much slimmer 2 of them are in fantastic shape so could literally look amazing in anything , the 3rd still a lovely size and could pull off most styles. They all seem to be heading for more ummm daring dresses.... like revealing back quite fitted , spaghetti straps ect, whereas i don't feel that would be flattering for my figure, im looking at more traditional A-line full back and flutter sleeves. My worry is that the style in dresses are very different which the bride doesn't mind, but i worry about standing out, like if i wear what i feel will be more flattering i may stand out for looking far more frumpy or would it be worse to be in a dress similar to their style to try and fit in more but risk looking worse...... any opinions of what would the lesser of 2 evils?

and whilst im here 😂 any recommendations for great hard working shapewear ?

Any help would be hugely appreciated 😄 x

I'm thinking of asking 3 girls to be in my bridal party. I'm either going to have them all as bridesmaids, or one Maid of Honor, one Matron of Honour, and one bridesmaid. If you were the bridesmaid, would you be offended that you didn't get a title like Maid or Matron of honour?

As a bridesmaid I’m supposed to write a letter to the bride for the bachelorette to put in a scrapbook. I’m very confused what the letter is for, I’m not marrying her.. so should I talk about our friendship? Is this letter about me and her or about her and her fiancé and me wishing them the best?
I’m not trying to be mean I literally just don’t get it and I’m supposed to be done with it in 2 days.

edit: I did not mean for there to be a war in the comments lol. I only posted and asked because when I googled letters to the bride it seemed like the examples were all over the place. Some examples were about writing a card, or brides writing to their bridesmaids. I figured this sub had heard of the scrapbooking thing. Thanks for the help everyone I plan to reach out to the MOH and just ask her what she is looking for.

So here's the situation:

My (29F) childhood best friend (28F) is getting married in July, and their RSVP deadline is in the beginning of June. I'm one of two co-maid of honors.

I've been dating my partner (35M) for six months, and we are moving in together at the end of June, so this is obviously someone I want to have in my life for a long time.

When the invites were sent in February/March, the bride said kinda jokingly that she thought that maybe I needed a plus one, but didn't write that to the envelope. There was no "addressed to" part in the invite, so there was not a definite no or yes to me having a plus one.

I visited my friend a few weeks ago, and we went over the guest list, and her fiance said that he's put me down as 1 person attending, even though I hadn't officially RSVP'd. (I'm obviously attending, I'm the maid of honor, duh)

I kinda felt bad, because I really wanted my partner with me, and they just assumed I was going to attend without him, even though I've been talking to her about our relationship, so she knows that this isn't a "flavor of the week"-type of situation.

I understand that they haven't met my partner, and I don't blame them if they don't want to meet him for the first time at the wedding. However my friend and I live kinda far from each other, so we see each other approximately 3-6 times a year. Me, my partner and my friend all work jobs that have shifts, so it's just unfortunate that we haven't had time to meet all together.

But I still think it's not unheard of that long time friends that you don't see that often, might bring their partners that the bride and groom haven't necessarily met yet. I also don't know a lot of people attending the wedding, and there's not going to be the "friends table". Obviously their day isn't about my comfort, but I also don't think it's unreasonable for wanting a familiar person with me.

So, today I sent the bride a message that I would really like to bring my partner and I understand that they haven't met yet, so it's no problem if they didn't want to get to know him at their wedding, but that he needs to submit his day-off requests. The bride answered that they would love to get to know my partner, but they had booked accommodations only for me (their venue has cottages). I replied that I understood and didn't want to create a problem out of this, but offered that if there's still room to book accommodations for my partner as well, I'd cover the added cost. The bride has now left me on read.

Like I said, I don't want to be difficult, create a problem or act entitled, but I'd like a proper answer, because the accommodation sounds like a lukewarm excuse. We wouldn't necessarily even need accommodation, my childhood home is really close to the venue, so I could almost walk there, but I understand that the couple wants the wedding party available for clean-up etc.

So I guess I'm asking if I'm unreasonable or acting entitled for wanting a proper response, or did I poke a wasps nest by asking at all?

Also some background info, not sure if relevant:

- Their wedding is small-ish, but not "immediate family and closest friends only"-small. For example originally my mom was also invited with a plus one. My mom felt that it's appropriate for her to attend only the ceremony alone, so she's not going to attend the reception. Basically, my partner would fill up the spot that my mom left vacant.

- I had a 2 month fling with the best man 10 years ago. I understand that having my partner around could be awkward, but it's been 10 years and after that we've met a couple of times, and it's been very civil. I'd like to believe that we are adults who don't need to be concerned about who dated who as a teenager. If this is the case why the situation feels kinda weird and avoidant, I'd love that it could be addressed directly.

I’m one of two MOHs. In addition, the grooms mom is helping us because she’s best friend with the bride.

The other MOH and the MIL told me every wedding they’ve been a part of the MOH is responsible for the goody bags for the Bach. I’ve been in one other wedding as the MOH and I live on this app and I’ve NEVER heard of that and it doesn’t seem logical.

The goody bags are not a requirement but how does it make sense that it’s the MOH(s) problem? It makes sense that it’s a “thank you from the bride”.

Please bring me back to earth if I’m in the wrong.

Edit to explain: The bride did not know the MIL previous to dating her son. They became best friends and are really close because of the amount of time they spend together + they’re similar personalities.

Hi! I am a 2027 bride and I'm unsure what to do for my own bach 😂 my MOH is asking me so they can start planning stuff. I put together a list like this so they can just pick? But what's something that you guys have done and any activities you all planned? Can you share me an itinerary or something unique and fun y'all did? Nothing to crazy like heavy drinking or a strip club

-trip to another state

-spa day

-karaoke & drinking

-1 night staycation

-brunch

My bachelorette is this summer in Ogunquit Maine and I want to do something special for my bridesmaids. I don’t think they are expecting me to pay anything towards logistical things like food/housing, but I want to do something special for them as a thank you and token of appreciation. There will be 6 of us total. Share your ideas!!

You have no idea how happy my heart feels right now! For context, I am 27, a seemingly typical guy around my friends, but hiding a huge part of myself in the closet. (It was a learned thing from growing up and still have trouble adjusting.) Ever since I was little, my heart would blossom around weddings, admiring the brides and bridesmaids. First just happy, then jealous too. I have dreamed of what it would be like to be a part of that world, from the elegant dress up, to the girl talk, to the bachelorette party.

My dear friend just got engaged and is planning a wedding. She is the only one that knows about this side of me. With the groom's family and my own friends not knowing, I did not even bother asking her at all, and never would have. Then out of the blue she just said...

"You were my first choice to be a bridesmaid. I actually picked the bridesmaid dresses based on you."

I'd like to say we had a nice hug and laughed it off. Nope... full on ugly cry. :)

Edit to clarify since I got asked and was nervous about my post being too long: No, I will not be in the party. And I am really ok with that. I am just happy she acknowledged me that way! She knew that I wanted to be one of the girls, to look pretty along with them and her, and just... be a part of her wedding magic that way. But I am not in that place right now and the groom side of things makes it harder. She doesn't need that with all the other stress. So I am not in the party, and again... I am ok with that and so happy for her. It is not my place to disrupt that.

So, i ordered a dress from azazie for my cousin's wedding in July, my dress arrived and I swear to god this shit was a dropship from fucking wish or temu or some bullshit, do not order from azazie, the dress feels like polyester that came from China. Azazie is officially a 0/10 for me. I do not recommend, its a scam

Throwaway, for obvious reasons.

I’ve known the bride longer than anyone else in our friend group. We were close as kids, but it’s been on and off ever since, so it’s always been a strange dynamic. Oldest friendship, not the closest one. When the wedding planning started, none of us realised what we were signing up for.
The costs have been relentless. I’ve spent a small fortune already, and this isn’t one hen do. There’s been a race day, multiple nights out, several separate events in the build up. Her wedding itself is expensive, well into five figures, so this was never someone short of money. On top of everything else, we’re expected to pay for our own hair and makeup, buy our own shoes (not asked, told, days before), and chip in towards the honeymoon.

The part that really gets under my skin: because I come across as fairly comfortable, there’s this quiet assumption that I’ll just absorb extra costs and cover other people’s shares. Someone in the wedding party even told me to go buy more things for the bride, then forgot about it entirely. I’m also losing a serious chunk of working time across all of this, and I’m self-employed, so that time genuinely costs me.

The hen was a few days in Lisbon. Beforehand she announced she also wanted everyone out again on a separate night so it could overlap with the partner’s celebrations. More money, more time I’d already said I couldn’t give. There were drugs around the whole time too, which isn’t my scene at all.

Then, partway through the trip, I found out a close family member had been diagnosed with a serious illness. I had to get home immediately and book travel myself. Here’s the bit I still can’t get past: I’d given her money towards a group meal she’d offered to hold and settle, then pay everyone’s share back afterwards. Because I left early and missed the meal, she kept it and wouldn’t return a penny, claiming it went towards a minimum spend. But there were 12 of us, and if you’re each putting in that kind of money at a restaurant in central Lisbon with drinks, there’s no way that group didn’t comfortably clear any minimum spend. It was money I needed to get home for a family emergency, and she still wouldn’t give it back.

She’d also turned up at the start of the hen trip with an obviously expensive designer suitcase, and is going on two honeymoons after her wedding (big trips), all while still expecting everyone to fund hair, makeup, shoes and a honeymoon contribution.

I’m still technically part of this wedding. I don’t know how much longer I want to be.

EDIT: A few things people have asked, clarifying:

The wedding hasn’t actually happened yet - all of this is the lead-up. The honeymoon contribution is technically her wedding present request, and honestly I do get that as a concept. But under the circumstances it’s just more, more, more on top of everything else, so it doesn’t land the way a normal gift-list would.

To be clear on the money: she’s bought the dress so far, and yes she’ll cover the meal on the night, but that’s it. And this isn’t an average wedding. I know the UK average is roughly £20k - she’s spending well above that, and has well more than that available to spend. So this was never a case of someone stretching to afford their day and needing help. (Whilst spending £1.5k on a suitcase to look the part at the airport) It’s choosing a very expensive wedding and expecting the wedding party to absorb a chunk of the cost.

Thanks so much to the people saying “just pull away” - I wish it were that simple, I wish I could 😔 I’m a long way into this now, and the whole group is tightly connected on social media, so stepping back isn’t quiet or clean. That’s part of what makes it hard🫣

I'm getting married next year and haven't decided on my bridesmaids situation yet. I like some aspects of having a bridal party - getting ready the morning of together, going on a bach trip, spending time with my close friends. But dont like the idea of other stuff - me and my partner dont like the idea of a line up on each of our side standing next to us at the ceremony. I also dont like the idea of everyone wearing the exact same dress. I like having similar palette or completely mismatched dresses.

Do people do this kind of stuff? Would my bridesmaids be offended if I dont want them standing next to me at the ceremony? I personally have been a bridesmaid twice and paid for everything myself. My least favorite part was standing at the ceremony because it took soo long

I’m a first time bridesmaid in a wedding this weekend but I’m a more introverted and shy person, and not a big dancer at all. Is it weird if I don’t dance much at the wedding reception as a bridesmaid? I just don’t enjoy dancing and it makes me uncomfortable especially in a crowded party like a wedding reception. I’m there to support the bride 100% and I don’t wanna seem like I’m bored at the wedding or be disrespectful. The reason I ask is because at the weddings I’ve been to in recent years I feel like the bridesmaids are dancing basically the WHOLE time and partying it up. Like of course it’s your bestie’s wedding - why not celebrate? Believe me- I am so happy for her and so excited to be there but I’m also severely awkward 😭

To preface I am a college student (21) and while yes I have a job I also have to pay for food and gas which is not cheap nowadays my sister is more the sentimental kind so cash or something impersonal wouldn’t really work. Pls help the wedding is in two weeks and I have been so busy with finals and starting summer classes and working 30 hours a week it completely slipped my mind and I want something she will love.

Hi all, re-posting from r/blackladies because apparently my post was not appropriate.

My beautiful best friend is getting married this fall, and I’m hosting a small bachelorette party for her and want to make it the most fun and special weekend for her and her girls. She is black with long gorgeous locs that she’s been caring for for a year in preparation for her wedding. I am not black and have stick straight hair and admittedly have very limited knowledge of hair any texture other than mine (actually I don’t know what to do with my own hair texture so will take any advice on that too 😂) and was hoping this sub may be able to help.

I’ve been planning every little detail to make the weekend the most fun and the most stress free for all. I thrifted a little veil that says “bride to be”, and also bought a pack of hair tinsel, enough for all of her girls to get a little sparkle in their hair on one of the nights out. But I just realized that the veil is on a comb, and I have absolutely no clue how to fasten it into locs? I also realized that I cannot simply install hair tinsel in locs the same way I will be able to for everyone else. Ultimately, this day is about her, and I do not want to cause any kind of stress or bring something that she cannot also enjoy.

Basically, my questions are:

\- is there any way to fasten a veil into locs without doing any damage? The veil I have has a comb…. Is there a way to use it or should I toss the idea out?

\- are there any fun little bachelorette hair accessories that would work well with locs that would be easy for her to apply to her hair/head that aren’t locs? Should I just avoid head/hair accessories altogether? I do have a headband that says “bachelorette” on it for one day, so hopefully that works.

\- should I just skip the hair tinsel?? I can’t believe I didn’t think about how it wouldn’t work with her locs, I feel absolutely silly about it.

Note that most items I’ve bought have been thrifted or DIY’d (our bride is very anti-consumerism whenever she can be), so it’s not a big deal to not use the veil or headband, I’d just give it to another friend or donate them back to the thrift so I’m not worried about the money, I’d rather just kibosh anything that’s not going to work. There’s one other black girl coming but her hair texture is closer to mine than the bride-to-be’s and she had no suggestions.

Thank you for all of your help!

Last week I got married and the celebration party is coming up soon.

We did a small elopement just us, and the big party with all guests is coming up where i have bridesmaids and literally 40K went into it 😭

Two of my bridesmaids haven’t congratulated me on getting married and they knew exactly when I’m getting married. They saw and hearted Instagram stories.

Is this OK? Should I do anything? I am so hurt and feel like an idiot for even considering it.
They are also my I thought close friends I made in adulthood, we see each other like every other week etc.

Bride here! Wanting to get gifts for my bridesmaids!
I really want to get them things that they will actually use and not just cheesy things that say “bridesmaid” all over them. I’d love to have your opinions on what things you’d actually like to receive!

I was thinking about getting them makeup bags and filling it with essentials like:

Mini hairbrush
Compact mirror
Travel perfume (probably the one I’m wearing on my day?)
Electrolyte packets
Necklace to wear for the wedding
Etc. (need more ideas)

Question 1: is this something people would actually like to receive?

Question 2: should I personalize or no? Like putting their names on the makeup bags and/or compacts?

Question 3: should I:
A) give everything all together at the bachelorette weekend

B) give everything all together on the morning of

C) give the bag and everything on the bachelorette weekend, but keep the necklace separate and give the necklace on the wedding day?

I need and will take all the input you’ve got! Thanks! <3

I’ve talked to my partner about all this and he thinks I’ve handled everything fine so far… BUT he’s obviously biased, so I need to know if I’m actually being reasonable or if I need a reality check.

I’ll try to keep this short, so I might be leaving out details.

I met the bride about 4 years ago, we’re both transplants in WA. She asked me to be a bridesmaid in her out‑of‑state April 2027 wedding. I said yes immediately because we’re basically each other’s only friend here, and I don’t want to lose her.

But honestly… I’ve been stressed ever since, and I can’t tell if I’m being dramatic or if this is actually a lot.

1. Hair & Makeup

There are 9 bridesmaids (mostly her cousins). She sent a group chat asking who wanted professional hair/makeup. I said NO, I’ll do my own. A few others said no too.

Fast‑forward two months: I’m at her apartment and she hits me with a “we need to talk” tone. Turns out she put a deposit down for 5 people but is “missing one” and wants me to cover that spot.

I ended up just paying her the $220 because I had already decided I wasn’t going to the bachelorette (getting to that), and I didn’t want to look stingy.

2. The Bachelorette (Feb 2027)

The MOH picked Punta Cana ,3 nights, all‑inclusive, $1.3k per person before flights. AND apparently we’re required to pay for the bride’s hotel and flight.

I didn’t even know that was a thing.

Then the MOH announces she and the bride are staying in a swim‑up room while the rest of us get regular rooms… even though we are paying for the bride’s portion.

Then she says she wants matching PJs and will “put them in our gift bags.” Why am I paying for something going into my own “gift” bag?

I told the MOH $1.3k was too expensive and maybe we should pick a different hotel. She sent back two paragraphs of nonsense, so I just said “oh okay nevermind.”

I talked to the bride and asked if she’d be mad if I skipped the bachelorette because I have another out‑of‑state wedding in late February. She was nice and said no problem!

I told the MOH to exclude me from the trip.

3. The Dress

Okay, I know this part is petty, but it’s still annoying.

She sent color samples from a specific website, so I picked a dress I liked and let her know. Then suddenly she’s talking about getting samples from David’s Bridal and basically telling me not to order anything yet.

The colors she chose are… not cute. Ashy pink. I will never wear this dress again. I don’t want to spend $200+ at David’s Bridal for something I actively dislike! But of course, I will do it.

4. The Wedding Itself

My partner and I already bought refundable flights because prices are insane. We wanted to book a hotel too, everything near the venue is $400+ for two nights!

The bride keeps making comments about wanting to “block off a floor” at a hotel, and it’s obvious she expects us to book at the hotel of her choosing to fill the block so we haven’t booked a hotel yet. Ugh….In one of the ugliest northeast coast states too, haha guess where!!

Overall

I feel guilty because I’m skipping the bachelorette, bridal shower, and bridesmaid dinners but all the other bridesmaids live in her home state, which she visits constantly. I’m the only one out here.

Am I being a bad friend, or is this actually too much?

P.s since you’re here, should I send a gift for her bridal shower even tho I’m not attending?