u/baziebaby

I was asked to be a bridesmaid in my husbands little sisters wedding.

At the time I was asked, I was pregnant with twins. I knew I was going to have two babies, knew I was going to be postpartum, and I expressed that as much as I love her I really didn’t want to be in the wedding because it was going to be a lot. I a not close with the sister either I’m just a filler / to make the bridesmaids even with groomsmen.

They asked me anyway, and ultimately I agreed because she is my husband’s little sister and I wanted to support her.

Now we are at exactly the problems I was worried about.

The other bridesmaids are all single women around 20–25 years old. The only other bridesmaid who is older is the bride’s sister, who is older than me. I’m currently postpartum with twins, and I look postpartum with twins. 😂 My stomach still looks pregnant, and my body obviously has not returned to what it was before pregnancy.

The dress they chose is just absolutely not made for my current body.

And I don’t mean I simply don’t like it or wish it were a little more flattering. There is no fixing it. The style emphasizes my stomach so much that I genuinely look like I’m still pregnant.

My mom is actually extremely optimistic and is usually the person telling me that something looks fine when I think it doesn’t. Even she looked at me in the dress and basically said, “Your body just isn’t made for that style of dress.” So I feel pretty confident that this isn’t just me being overly critical of myself.

The bride’s older sister suggested that she and I could wear a different dress together, which I know is meant to be helpful. I really do appreciate that she is trying to find a solution.

But I honestly cannot bring myself to wear a different dress.

If the two of us are the only ones in different dresses, I feel like it will just make me feel even more singled out. I will feel like everyone can look at us and see that we’re the two bridesmaids who needed a different dress because we’re bigger/older. And especially being freshly postpartum with twins, I’m already incredibly self-conscious about my body. I don’t want to spend the entire wedding feeling like the “fat bridesmaid” who had to be put in a different dress.

There is another layer to this: I have fainted while standing at a wedding before. So when I was pregnant with twins and told them I didn’t want to be in the wedding, it wasn’t ONLY because of the dress/body issue. I genuinely didn’t want to stand through another wedding ceremony after having literally fainted at one before.

And there are honestly a bunch of logistical issues with me being in the wedding, too.

I have a three-year-old son who is also going to be in the wedding as the ring bearer. My husband is a groomsman. So I’m not really sure what I’m supposed to do with my three-year-old while I’m getting ready with the bridesmaids, especially because my husband will also be getting ready with the groomsmen. Obviously I can’t just bring my son along with me while I’m getting hair and makeup done, and I don’t want to assume that someone else is going to be responsible for him all morning.

Then there are the twins, who will obviously need to be with me or have childcare arranged as well.

So practically speaking, I’m trying to figure out how I’m supposed to get myself ready as a bridesmaid, care for newborn twins, make sure my three-year-old gets where he needs to be as the ring bearer, and coordinate all of this while my husband is also part of the wedding party.

I don’t want to make her wedding about me or be the difficult sister-in-law. I also completely understand that the wedding isn’t supposed to revolve around making one bridesmaid’s postpartum body look good.

But at the same time, I feel like I already tried to communicate that I didn’t want to be in this position in the first place.

I didn’t want to be in the wedding because I was pregnant with twins and knew this was going to be a problem. I said that. They asked me anyway. I agreed because she’s my husband’s little sister and I wanted to support her.

Now the exact problem I was worried about has happened.

I can’t wear the original dress because I look absolutely terrible in it and there is no alteration that is going to change that.

I don’t want to wear a different dress because I feel like that will draw even MORE attention to my body.

I have a history of fainting while standing at weddings.

And logistically, being a bridesmaid is going to be complicated because I have newborn twins, a three-year-old ring bearer, and a husband who is also in the wedding party.

At this point, part of me honestly just wants to say that I can’t do it.

What would you do?

Would you wear the original dress and just accept that you’re going to look pregnant?

Would you wear a different dress with the bride’s sister and try not to care about being singled out?

Or would you have an honest conversation with the bride and say, “I love you and I want to support you, but this is exactly why I told you I didn’t want to be a bridesmaid in the first place, and I don’t think I can do this”?

I really want honest opinions, even if I’m being unreasonable here.

I was asked to be a bridesmaid in my husband’s little sister’s wedding. When I was asked, I was pregnant with twins and told them that, as much as I love her, I really didn’t want to be in the wedding because I knew being postpartum with twins would make things difficult. I’m also not particularly close with her and am essentially a filler bridesmaid to even out the numbers with the groomsmen. They asked anyway, and I agreed because she’s my husband’s little sister and I wanted to support her.
Now we’re at exactly the problems I was worried about.
The other bridesmaids are all single women around 20–25. I’m currently postpartum with twins, and I look postpartum with twins. 😂 My stomach still looks pregnant, and the dress they chose is terrible on my body. I don’t mean I just dislike it—it genuinely emphasizes my stomach and makes me look pregnant. There is no alteration that will fix it.
My mom is very optimistic and always tells me something looks fine when I’m being too critical, and even she said, “Your body just isn’t made for that style of dress.” So I know I’m not completely imagining it.
The bride’s older sister suggested that she and I wear a different dress together. I appreciate her trying to help, but I really don’t want to do that either. If we’re the only two in different dresses, I feel like it will just highlight that we’re the bigger/older bridesmaids who needed a different dress. I already feel incredibly self-conscious postpartum and don’t want to spend the wedding feeling like the “fat bridesmaid.”
There’s also the fact that I’ve fainted while standing at a wedding before, so I was already uncomfortable with the idea of standing through the ceremony again. That was another reason I didn’t want to be a bridesmaid in the first place.
And logistically, this is a lot. I have a three-year-old son who is the ring bearer, my husband is a groomsman, and I have newborn twins. I’m not even sure who is supposed to take care of my three-year-old while I’m getting ready with the bridesmaids, since my husband will be getting ready with the groomsmen. Then I have to figure out childcare for the twins, too.
So I’m stuck: I can’t wear the original dress, I don’t want to wear a different dress and feel singled out, I don’t want to stand because I’ve fainted before, and the logistics of getting myself and three children to this wedding are overwhelming.
What would you do?
Would you suck it up and wear the original dress? Wear a different dress with the bride’s sister? Or have an honest conversation with the bride and say that this is exactly why I told her I didn’t want to be a bridesmaid, and I don’t think I can realistically do it?
I genuinely want honest opinions, even if I’m being unreasonable.