r/parentsofmultiples

Is it a blessing or curse? Does your ADHD help you manage twins, or does it make it more difficult?

Looking for some perspective from parents of multiples, especially identical twins, who have dealt with one twin having medical issues or differences that the other doesn’t.
My identical twin girls are 9 months old, and Twin A was just diagnosed with Duane syndrome. For anyone unfamiliar with it, it’s a congenital eye movement disorder where one of the nerves controlling the eye doesn’t develop normally, so the affected eye has limited movement in certain directions. She has it in her left eye. Thankfully, her pediatric ophthalmologist said it’s not super severe and her head turn is minor, she compensates very well, and right now it seems like her vision is developing well. But her identical twin sister doesn’t have it.

I know logically that this isn’t something I caused, but I’m having a harder time with it emotionally than I expected because Twin A was also my baby who had to go to the NICU after they were born. She was only there for four days, which I know is incredibly short compared with what so many NICU families go through, but I still carry an immense amount of guilt about those four days. I was recovering from a C-section and also had Twin B with me, so Twin A was alone there more than I ever wanted her to be. Her dad and I were there as much as we possibly could be, but I still think about feedings I wasn’t there for and other tiny things that objectively probably don’t matter at all. Somehow they still kill me inside when I think about them.

And now she’s the twin with this diagnosis. I know those two things aren’t related, and I know my guilt isn’t rational. I just feel so sad that somehow my Twin A keeps being the one who has had to experience something her sister hasn’t.

I think what I’m most worried about now is the comparison that comes with being identical twins. They’re going to grow up looking so much alike, but one of them will have a left eye that can’t move to the left and may turn her head to compensate. They’re babies now, but what happens in middle school? High school? Adulthood?

I don’t want Twin A growing up feeling like she’s the twin with “something wrong with her,” while her sister is the one without it. I also don’t want us as parents to accidentally make her feel different by being overly protective or worried about her either :/

For parents whose twins/multiples grew up with one having a medical condition, physical difference, learning issue, developmental difference, disability, or really anything the other didn’t have, how did it actually affect them as they got older?

Did the affected twin compare themselves to their sibling? Did other kids compare them? Was there jealousy, resentment, protectiveness, insecurity? Did adolescence make it harder? And now that they’re older, how do they view their differences?

I’d especially love to hear from parents with older twins because right now I’m looking at two babies and trying not to project all of my fears about middle school, high school and adulthood onto them.
I think I just need to hear from parents who have already walked through this.

I have twin girls born at 34 weeks, now 7.5 months actual / 6 months corrected. With one of them, feeding has been difficult from the very beginning. She stayed in the NICU longer mainly because of poor bottle feeding and later developed reflux and what seems to be a bottle/feeding aversion. We’ve tried different bottles, formulas, reflux treatment, and feeding support.

We’ve been doing solids for a month, mostly purées (ped's advice due to reflux). She’ll take a few spoonfuls and sometimes seems interested at first, but then gets upset and wants to stop. We always follow her cues and never push because I really don’t want to create more negative associations with feeding.

I’m starting to wonder whether spoon-feeding/purées just aren’t the best fit for her and if BLW/finger foods might help by giving her more control.

For parents whose babies had bottle aversion or similar feeding issues: how did solids go? Did you do purées, BLW, or both? Did your baby struggle with solids too, or was it completely different from bottle feeding? When did eating start to click?

Trying to decide flying vs road trip for a Christmas vacation to San Diego(from NY) up until New Year's and probably a shorter trip to Los Angeles. They won't be lap babies but 2 years old and all have CP and non ambulatory. One is epileptic and all are tube fed. Realistically flying is faster though so stressful and I'm not a big fan of flying when its just me to worry about let alone 3. I also worry about flight delays and cancelations vs driving at our own place but taking forever to get there. I guess we can make driving a trip in and of itself. Husband wants to fly and I lean more towards driving. I can't convince him to take several trains out west which would also likely have delays and problems too. Both sets of grand parents are coming and my sister and her twins so its a family affair but everyone is flying their own airlines etc coming in at different times.

What would ya'll do? We haven't traveled since before they were born and everyone just wants to get away from the city and nobody has been to SD so its a fun way to start some new memories and happy ones. I'm just worried about the logistics of it all.

Do you prioritize getting your twins to nap or having them eat at the same time? I have always kept them on the same eating schedule but now that they are 14 weeks (adjusted) we are starting to work on naps, only they don’t often nap at the same time. Today one went down for a nap at 10:20am and slept until 11:15am. Well the other twin didn’t go down until 11:00am. So now I have one baby awake who I know will want to eat soon (by 11:45am at the latest) and then only one just fell asleep! Do I wake the sleeping twin at 11:45 to feed them together? Or let him sleep?

I feel like my twins are always behind. They’re crawling and starting to get curious with standing and walking. They babble and say words like “dada, mama, baba, daddy, and doggie.” They turned 1 year old on the 11th of August.

My pediatrician gives such vague answers about milestones and foods to feed them that I’m constantly looking online for help.

My MIL thinks I should know everything about raising kids so when I ask for help she doesn’t really respond. She just says, “They’re fine.”

I don’t have a mother to ask for help from and most of the mothers I know are stressed from working one or even two jobs.

I’m at such a loss of words and confidence.

Does anyone have any resources that have helped you along?

I am looking for a wagon or stroller that is able to accommodate 2 toddlers and an infant.

My twins will be 18mo when I give birth to their sibling and I haven’t found a wagon that accommodates an infant plus two toddlers. Is this because one doesn’t exist?

My twins are fairly big and I would love for them to have enough space and also the baby to be comfortable as well.

I current have the mockingbird twin stroller which I absolutely love and I guess I can continue using that while baby wearing but that seems like a lot. Any advice is greatly appreciated 😁

For those who sent their multiples to daycare for the first time @ 2yo+, how did it go for you, illness-wise?:

• What age did you first send them?
• how many kids were in the class?
• how often did they get sick?
• do you feel like you had to keep them out of daycare more often than a singleton would've needed to, due to illnesses bouncing between them?
• how long did it take before you felt some relief from all the illnesses?

We just got back from the ER because one of my 16 month olds was able to tilt her Tripp trap high chair over and it fell on top of her….head. She is fine after all but since she’s gotten home she’s injured herself several more times between climbing things and fighting with her sister. I’m at my wits end. I don’t want to stand over them all day long. Ready to throw away all my furniture. It’s like overnight their ability to climb has come to its full capacity. Yesterday the other one found her way on top of the dining room table while I was turned away for 5 mins washing a dish.

It’s like they are crying for me while I do ordinary daily tasks of running my household (I’m a SAHM), crying from fighting or crying from injury all day long with few breaks in between. Going nuts.

Anyone go through this and it passed?

I just don’t know… will I really be using it for 5 years?

My twins just turned 2 and we’re 4 weeks early and so technically are not 2 adjusted age. If they were born any later they wouldn’t have an adjusted age. They stayed about 2 weeks in the hospital due to feeding issues and I also had some placental failure at the end.

Sometimes when strangers ask their age, I say two or I say one if I don’t want to explain why they are in 6-9 month clothes. If it’s people I will see again, then I will probably have the conversation.

I get weird looks at the playground though because they are tiny and climb up all the ladders and go down the slides by themselves (but they went straight from learning how to walk at 16 months to climbing out of their crib two months later).

Is that weird?

Longtime lurker of r/parentsofmultiples. Just wanted to contribute a small note- my wife recently had DiDi twins (37w + 0). GDM was her only complication. Our daughter scored well on Apgar but our son did not, which prompted a NICU visit for several days.

From the outside looking in, I felt a sense of dread and doom when I thought about the NICU but I was completely wrong. We were fortunate in our outcomes, which creates bias in perspective BUT the message is clear-

For those of you worrying about NICU/googling endlessly (like I did) or knowingly have a complication that could necessitate a trip, your child/children are in the best place for them. The staff are there to not only supervise but also feed and love on your babies. They do what is needed for your child every single day- far better than you or I would be able to do if the roles were reversed. Would never have dreamt that leaving a baby only hours old alone with a person I’d never meant would be so “easy”.

So, don’t be pushy to get the child out of NICU- they are there for a reason. Be polite and real with your nurses- cry, laugh, chat with them like they’re family- because they are your temporary family. Lastly, if you’re able to, absolutely do skin to skin/kangaroo care (yes, Dads, even us)!

Changing two wet three year olds after swim class in the all gender bathroom with wet floor, wet toilet, wet shower area, wet sink is I think one of the most stress inducing things I have ever done. Don't touch the floor. Don't touch the toilet. Stop flushing the toilet. Oh now you have to poop. Now the other one has to poop. Everyone is flushing the toilet. Everyone is touching everything. Everything is wet. Everyone is screaming. I normally do the locker room which is a bit more manageable without the toilet and shower situation but one said they needed to potty. I cannot do that again. Everyone is finally to bed and now I'm going to shower and sit in the dark for a bit.

B/g twins turning 5 months old in a few days, and it definitely has not gotten easier.. when did you find that you finally had time to breathe? It feels near impossible to have them on the same schedule, and baby boy wants to be held 24/7... then I feel guilt for not getting to spend the same amount of time holding baby girl. Both have reflux and one is starting to teeth. It seems like 3 months was starting to get a little easier, but now it seems like they cry more than they don't. SOS

We're taking our twins (they'll be 20 months old at travel time) on their first international trip to see my family and are flying China Airlines direct to Taiwan, a ~13 hour long-haul flight. We will be departing around midnight (lol). They'll each have their own seat. My sister and her boyfriend are coming with us too, so we'll have extra hands, but I still have questions!

1. Tips for helping them sleep on the flight?? Any gear you found helpful to help your toddler feel comfortable on a long flight?

2. Toy and activity ideas for 20-month-olds? Looking for things that are mess-minimal and don't have 500 tiny pieces to lose under the seat. What actually kept your toddler busy? We recently got back from a 2-hr flight and all the activities only kept them occupied for at most 10 minutes (ie: painter's tape, water wow paint, reusable stickers, fun books). Granted, they're only 15-months right now, so maybe they'll be more interested in those at 20-months?

3. Healthy-ish snack ideas that travel well? Anything that helps with ear pressure/swallowing on descent? I've seen lollipop suggestions, but I'm not comfortable giving them lollipops at this age.

5. Adjusting to the time change once we land? Taiwan is about 15 hours ahead of us. How did you handle the first few days? Any tricks for getting them to nap/sleep on the new schedule without a week of 4am wake-ups?

Any other lessons learned from flying long-haul with twins around this age would be hugely appreciated. Thanks!!

I'm not sure if I'll be able to have a vaginal delivery (baby A was breech at my 28 week scan) but I'm still doing my best to prepare for both eventualities. But so many of the birth stories I hear are about one baby, of course, and so that moment where the baby is born is also, in many ways, the end of labor. Of course there is the placenta and post partum medical stuff, but ... It is more the end than if you have a second baby coming! So for anybody who had a vaginal delivery of both twins, what was that moment of overwhelm/joy/connection/dissociation like given that you knew you were about to do it again? How long was it between the birth of twin a and the pushing phase for twin b? If you've had a singleton vaginally, how did it compare? These will be my first babies, so I don't have a point of comparison, but I'm trying to understand how my experience will be similar or not to the birth stories I hear!