My partner gets disproportionately angry
My (f, dx, unmedicated) partner (f, dx, unmedicated) sometimes gets way too angry way too quickly about relatively small frustrations. Like a bad hair day, clothes not fitting, or the cashier making a mistake in a customer service interaction. These frustrations don’t consistently cause this reaction in them though, they’re often completely calm and cool, but the sudden and unpredictable explosion sucks. Huge inconveniences weirdly don’t elicit this reaction either. They are great in an emergency!
My partner’s anger is never ever directed at me (which also confuses me) but they can blow UP at these small things; storm away or stomp around, curse repeatedly under their breath, the whole shebang. They will text me about their frustration if something irritating happens when we’re not together, long strings of “f*uck this, f*uck f*uck f*uck” it’s too much.
When I said as much recently, they shared that this has been an issue their entire life and they also dislike it.
Our relationship otherwise is so lovely. We’re both in our early 30s in compatible careers, we talk openly about the future, and enjoy spending time apart as much as we do time together. We love our lesbian community and being in the world with my person brings me a lot of peace, until it suddenly doesn’t. I’ve recently found myself anxiously preparing for something to go wrong when we’re in public even when the mood is good.
What can I do as their partner to minimize stress to my life while also offering support? Can any other adhd partners relate to these sudden outbursts? If so, what steps have you taken to manage them?