What Should I Do About Role Models For My Boys
Hi! I'm a young mom to a toddler and baby, both boys. I would love to hear some thoughts on my situation.
I left their dad a few months ago because he is extremely abusive, and violent, he beat me severely once, and told me he hated our toddler and thinks about killing me and the kids. He's also said gross things about little girls, but hasn't done anything technically illegal or that i could report to authorities.
The problem is, I was (am?) a stay at home mom, and we are in a really tight knit conservative church.
My living situation is still supported by our church, and i can also still access our checking account so my husband still supports us. We have not legally separated or divorced yet.
The church has welcomed my husband back with open arms, saying they want to keep loving and forgiving him and helping him as long as he asks for help.
People think i am overreacting or being unforgiving because I choose to stay away from him and I consider him dangerous.
Things have gotten to the point that i no longer trust anyone in church.
I have my parents, who have been helping me currently.
And I have one sister who is married, and she and her husband do not agree with the church at all.
The problem is that they are moving to another state.
They have offered to try to help me get on my feet if i move with them.
One part of me wants to.
I want good male role models for my boys, and there is not one single man who respects me or that i trust in my current situation.
So if i were to go with my sister, her husband and sons could be good role models for my boys, and they actually respect me and i trust and respect them.
But i would have to leave my entire family, i wouldn't have my parents' help with my boys, and the boys wouldn't have their dad or family members from church in their lives.
I would have to find a job, my sister could watch my kids if i needed, but i would miss out on spending as much time with them.
The alternative would be to stay where i am and figure out some kind of minimal visitation and try to cooperate at church so that i can continue to be financially supported and stay with my kids. Which is what most people in my life right now are recommending.
I don't know if thats something I should even remotely consider though.
Why stay where everyone disrespects me, and why build a relationship with an abusive, violent, scary, basically pedophile man?
But nobody in church or on his side of the family, and even several of my married siblings, see any problem with it. They'd rather forgive and forget.
Is it best to just start over? Or should i try to figure something else out?
Note, law enforcement and child services have been involved, and ive done everything I legally can to protect us for now. Which is part of why we aren't seeing him for now.
But it's only temporary, and then I'll have to make a decision.