r/AskDad

Ok so my 16th birthday is coming up in December and my mom was bothering me about what I wanted to do for it. I mean she was literally asking me very single day. Last year I had gone on a trip with my dad to Costa Rica for school and earned some college credit. This year my teacher told my about a trip to Patagonia happening in the spring of 2028. We’re a pretty well off family and this sounded like a fun thing that would give me college credit and get her off my back. So I asked my mom if we could do that as a girls trip for a late sweet 16 gift. Well she told my step dad about it and he wanted to go to. I don’t really get along with my step dad, we are very different and he only came into my life when I was like 13 or 14. However my mom ignored me telling her I just wanted it to be us two and told him he could come too. This kind of ruins the point of the trip for me and I was thinking of suggesting not doing the trip and taking that money to get my horse some new tack and upgrade my bearded dragon’s enclosure. But I know if I say this she’ll freak out as she definitely has a more controlling side to her. I’m literally so scared to say anything I’m very unconfrontational and I know this might make it so she doesn’t let me have a birthday at all. What should I do?

hi guys! i’m trying to understand this a little better and would love some perspective.

my dad is going to co-sign a car for me because i need some help. his credit score is around 800 and mine is about 540 with roughly $12k in debt from a couple personal loans and credit cards. my credit used to be good, but i got laid off about 2 years ago and i’ve been trying my hardest to get back on my feet since then.

my dad bought my current car for me about 10 years ago when i was 18, and it’s honestly been great to me. he bought it under his name, but now that we’re looking for another car, it would be under my name with him as the co-signer.

to note, i’ve never really asked my parents for financial help before. over the last 1 to 2 years, they’ve only helped me cover some car services because repairs and maintenance on my current car have gotten really expensive. other than that, i’ve always tried to handle things on my own.

i guess what i’m wondering is, as a parent, how would you feel knowing your child’s finances took a turn like this? i’ve been pretty open with my parents about everything and how hard i’ve been trying, even though things just haven’t been going my way lately. they’ve told me they want to help me, help me rebuild my credit, and don’t want to see me struggle.

i’m 28 now, and i’m really grateful for my parents and the fact that they’re willing to help me. i just can’t help but feel like i disappointed them because my finances and job situation went downhill. they’ve reassured me that i’m not a “bad” child and that they’re proud of me, and we’re actually really close and spend a lot of time together.

i know life happens, but i still feel guilty about needing their help. as a parent, how would you feel in this situation?

I'm 22yo (m) , from India , ik this thing might not make sense for most but for me it's just annoying , firstly ive a very strange attitude that I can't listen bad about myself , especially after all that ive gone through.

I was in 6th standard when my dad quit his job took a loan 18lacs INR and tried to open a restaurant without any knowledge or doing research about it , he done hiring cheap chefs who within 6 months of opening the restaurant left the work place my dad my dad got frustrated and seeing that me and my mom started working along with him to manage house expenses, i used to come from school and wash the utensils and sometimes cook a few things by myself for the customers js so that we can earn , cz by that time i had realised that it was the only means of survival , i was called out by my own friends as a burger boy in school which I didn't care much about at that age.

Fast forward to 2 years now I'm in 8th still same condition nothing has changed , i never had good friends whom I could hang around even if i had i could never hang aroung bcz of no money and also after the school i had to work at the restaurant which was no longer a restaurant but a roadside fast food stall by now as loans got bigger (taking another loan to clear out the old one) so dad had sell many things. I accepted it as my future lol that in future ill be working like this to feed my family. Now November 2016 my dad to introduced to an MLM company "modicare" he was sold dreams and same was done to me and my mom by my dad and now my dad took another loan on top of the previous one and bought fuck tonna products and by now the Fast food shop got closed and after school i was out there with my mom selling oil and toothpaste door to door believing selling these would change our future smh , yeah and when I got to 9th std my fees was not paid of 6 months bcz of no money at home and I was called out and was asked to sit on floor bcuz of no fees payment after that I was prohibited from attending the classes and by that time I was mature enough to realise that my dad cannot afford my fee so I had to work so as I was not allowed in school I used that time to sell the products my dad bought in nearby malls and shopping complexes seeing a kid selling these products most people used to buy them lol so now I somehow arrange 5k inr within a week and took it to school to cover my 3 month fee thanks to my school they understood the situation and let me study as they also understood my situation and told my mom about it so I had no option but to study.

Now I'm in 10 and my last year fee was pending I got consession on that and my 10th std fee too , my mom had 2k in saving and sold her ear pieces and one of her ring to afford my 10th std schooling and she didn't told dad about it,

1 girl got interested in me smh which i dont believe till now that how she got into me lol, she knew everything but always acted like she knew nothing and on top of that I also used to in a way that my financial condition is never affected, she paid for my picnic fee once 😂 and it was the first time i went on school picnic also she gifted me one perfume on my birthday. I passed out 10th and covid started.

Even our family members started feeling bad about us my grandfather with a pension of 15k took care of our food and other expenses and during the time of covid my dad behavior got super strange everyday he used to fight with my mom and me saying that bcuz of us he never earned well and we never warned him or supported him on his work also we have never been capable to manage his finances which were under his control loland to escape all this i used to play pubgm on a second hand device which was gifted to me by my grandfather for my online studies. My online studies got shut down bcuz of no fee payment so I had to stop my schooling i kept lying to my friends that i was doing my schooling from some school they never heard about. When I was not studying i learned graphic designing and by the time lock down was over i did my first job and was earning 3500 INR PM , i directly did 12th from other state and completed my 12th from my own money , and now my dad started saying kids should always bear their own expenses.

Now i wanted a laptop so i financed one with my own money and started working free lancing on that making aroung 6-7k per month , i met a guy online who claimed he would profit me 40k if i give him 15k for trading i got scammed for 15k lol.

Now i have no about future studies but I had watched better call Saul so i thought of pursuing in law asked my mom , she sold her anklets for my law schooling and she too started cloud kitchen parcelling lunch boxes with my dad.

Im in first year law started my own printing and designing work from my home making 3-4k per month ( as i had to pay for my younger brother tuition ), as now i have college to attend, i was gifted a second hand battery scooty worth 22k inr from my grandfather on my 19th birthday.

And throughout all this my dad always blamed my mom and me that we know how to manage finance and if we followed him we might have changed our situation and kept on following my own free lancing works and scaled my work and bought my first new scooter Honda dio 125 h smart

Worth 1.25 lacs INR and my dad still verbally abused me that I don't know how to manage money and throwing money in drain and I'm gonna end up like him if i spend like this , but I always ignored him and fast forward to current time line im earning 20-25k per month my dad compares me from other kids who are earning 50-100k inr per month and are well settled and here I'm still suffering saying all this is happening is bcuz of my poor finance handelling.

Now im super tired of all this and always think of ending all this but all I see is my younger brother with hopes that ill change the entire family situation , my mom who sold all her jewelleries for me and my brother and most importantly my gf who has always been with me till now and most importantly im scared of death. I'm like fucking sobbing rn lol idky.

And now idk what should I do. If i should keep on doing my business or do something else bcuz ik in my business i have don't have proper setup I might not make decent for sustainability.

when I look at my father I think he's not a good father a good husband or a son but so am I I can hate him with everything in me at the end of the day

who do he have to talk when life gets heavy when he gets bored one day I saw him sitting out side my relative shop all my czns and unc were inside laughing and talking I asked why are you sitting her alone he said "aise hi" but ik he can't relate of em he can't talk to anyone he's so alone I wish he were a better person so that he wouldn't have to be alone everywhere