r/AskDad

I gave everything to be present. No lads’ nights, no pub culture, no disappearing weekends — I was *there*, from day one, consistently.

Now my kids are teenagers and I feel like I’m haunting the house rather than living in it.

Weekdays are fine — work keeps my head occupied. But weekends? I dread them. Everyone’s around and I’ve never felt more alone. I’m background noise.

The hierarchy is clear: Mum is the first call for everything — talking, lifts, decisions, comfort. I exist in a support role. When she’s busy or tired, I get promoted temporarily. When they need money or something fixed, I’m useful. Otherwise I’m furniture.

The cruel irony is I sacrificed the social life specifically to be present for them. And somehow I ended up invisible anyway.

Is this just what teenage parenting is? Or is something wrong with how I’ve played this?

I lost my dad about 10 years ago. Heart attack. My life is now at a crossroads and I just need to know if I'm doing the right thing

10 years ago I moved to Seattle for work at a big tech company. My mom was alone and had to cope with living alone and his death. 1 year ago I was laid off from my job. I took 6 months off from my career to travel. And I've been searching for a new job for the last 6 months in the tech industry.

It's been a long job hunt trying to find a new one.

I just found a new one back in Maryland where my mom is. I'm 32. The job isn't perfect but it's well paid and interesting work. It's an hour by car from my mom who is 73 and not in the best of health. I don't want to leave Seattle but I feel like it's the correct thing to do.

I have lined up another job in the PNW but it's much lower paid. It allows me to stay out here but it's a step backwards.

I get to spend more time with my mom before she dies. I get to make a decent though not high paying salary. I have to leave an area that I love and generally pays more but I'd be working out of dc. I feel like I've thrown away the last ten years leaving Seattle.

I think it's the right thing to go back home. To go back to spend time with my mother. Even if I do have heart break leaving Seattle behind.

It's a stupid question, but am I doing the right thing? It feels like the right thing. But it's hard.

Apologies if this is too much for this sub.

A kid .

This is my first time posting on this sub and I think its starting to become justified, I am a 20m. About every single time my dad calls me he says "what are you doing" and on top of that frequently texts things like "are you okay?" And "I hope you're okay" sometimes frantically in a block of text, sometimes multiple times in a single block of text.

I know I'm justified in feeling kind of weird about it, and at this point I get frustrated everytime I answer, how do I approach this and how do I tell him to stop and make it all stop.

I have study list to follow now but when I try to study I get distracted at some point even if there is nothing I zone out I can’t lock in. Then when I lost my focus I get so angry at myself and think of all the senarios that I will fail national university enterance exam and cry and then lost all interest in studying all together please help.

So someone at work suddenly touch my shoulder from behind and I get so scared and I twisted his arm and had panic attack after. I didn’t know it was him I thought someone is going to attack me, I hate touch. I apologized from him a lot but I’m scared he will tell it to my boss and get me fired. I shouldn’t get fired this job is my everything and I can’t find job anywhere else.

Hi Dads.

We’re all busy so I ll keep this short.

I feel like I constantly disappoint my wife even with my best effort put forward. Here are some examples.

I would wash the dishes, throw the trash, do the laundry, do general cleaning around the house and drop the kids off before heading to work.

I come home after work to find her completely exhausted and complaining that I don’t do enough. I suppress my thoughts and feelings so as to not make the situation worse and get busy doing what needs to be done (wash the dishes, bathe the kids, do the laundry (yes, we do laundry twice a day), and sweep/mop the floor.

I then spend time with the kids while she relaxes (at this point I have not eaten dinner and still wearing my work uniform).

Next morning, I prepare breakfast, get the kids ready, wash the dishes, throw the trash, do the laundry, etc….

Come home again and find her the same state. I suppress and try to brighten the mood but she’s not having it.

I never complain to my wife and always do what she asks without question and try my best to do even better. I remember things that need to be done and do them before it causes her stress. But yet…I feel like I have not done enough. We have two daughters that are mommy mommy all the time. So when I want to lessen the burden on her by taking one or both children away to play/walk they both throw a tanturm and my wife comes in super pissed that I have made things worse.

She says I don’t do enough but I am doing everything I can even to the point of me getting sick and still I got no sympathy. Only a comment of, “You’re sick again? All you do is get sick”. I m so tired of this negative energy and criticism. I get more stress being with her than I do when I m at work. Please help.

I'm a broke teenager from a not so well off family of just me, my mom and my younger sibling I've never had any older mentors and I know it might be silly but I've tried cheap deodorants and they don't last long and I can smell it myself. I've saved some money from my part time job and I don't know what to get a deodorant? perfume? or a cologne?

So my dad and my husband doesn’t get along. My dad think my husband is useless because he is not an handyman. Last time my dad told me he feels like my husband doesn’t like him. When I ask him why would he say that, his answer was that my husband stays in the room whe he is around( my husband works night shift, and sleep during the day which is when my dad comes most of the time). Last time my dad came to help me with something, and was mad that my husband didn’t help me with it. My husband worked the night before, came home to come get our son to ABA therapy, and go do door dash after that. He also was scheduled to work again that same night at 6:30pm so I told him to get some sleep. My husband on the other side is antisocial(sometimes my dad would say your husband isn’t antisocial he just doesn’t like me). How do I make my dad understand my husband more. How do I tell my husband to come out more when my dad is around without upsetting the two of them?

(17yo)

How can I convince my father or get him to buy me a new phone?

Hey! I [TM15] have never had a present father figure in my life, as my birth dad got put in prison when I was 3.

I've always really wanted a supportive dad in my life, especially as my mum doesn't like me much or support the fact I'm transgender. I really want a long time father figure to talk to him, open up to if I need it and tell about stuff that happens in my life.

Does anyone know where I can find someone who'd want to be one or something like that?

Sorry if that sounds stupid lol

So yesterday, I was just in my room, watching youtube on my tv and he randomly comes in and says “this room looks… bad.” and Then “this looks.. sad.” (He was referring to what I was watching, he hates every single one of my interests and calls them stupid, dumb or brainrot) So I get pissed off cause I hate when he shits on my interests and say “YOU look sad.” And he says “if you talk back to me again in the future, I’ll just take your electronics for a month and you won’t have to worry about having electronics at your birthday party cause youll be grounded.” he also shamed me in front of my neighbor when we were driving somewhere (my neighbor found a duck in his yard so we were taking to to this bird sanctuary) saying things like “at least (my brothers name) plays outside and does stuff around the house, unlike (my name) who just hangs out in her room all day.” and when we were passing by the a house in our neighborhood that had pride flags, he shits on it by saying “these mentally ill weirdos covering their house in this creepy pride shit” so I replied with “why do you care it’s their house..?” And he says “cause it’s creepy“ it isn’t a new thing, hes right wing. I won’t get into that.

Another time when we were on a road trip to Mayo Clinic *we live in iowa so it’s basically a road trip* I was getting out of the car and he yells at me for not getting napkins out of the car saying “I don’t appreciate you, (my name). Leaving that to (my brothers name).“ when again, I didn’t even know they were there. (Usually I didn’t let this type of thing get to me but the day before the road trip my grandma died.)

when we were leaving to go back home he yells at me in public in a pizza place saying I was mumbling. I hate when he yells at me. when my mom and my brother were going back to the car, I got in the backseat and just cried silently. I was doing so bad I thought of taking my own life.(I didn’t though cause I was venting to my friend and she convinced me not to.)

back to more recent times- the day before yesterday me, my dad and my brother were at Walmart and my dad stops to take a look at the 4th of July stuff they had. my brother wanted some stupid hat and my dad asks me “do you want America stuff” to which I said no to. So when we walked back to the car he blasts some stupid South Park song. He knew I was uncomfortable. He even saw me re-adjusting my earbuds cause I didn’t wanna hear that stupid shit. When we got home I RAN inside and told my mom about what happened cause she HATES when my dad harasses me. I straight up asked if they could divorce. I don’t think she did anything about that..

sorry for the length.. I don’t know if he genuinely doesn’t like me or if im overreacting or something..

I was headhunted for a job people don't really get headhunted for. The higher-ups literally had to make a new billet for me.

I had issues of the "wrong people" trying to convince me to work for them (whom I had to report to the authorities). My professors all told me that it's because I have potential and they saw that and wanted to poach it.

I had a few documents that I researched and produced for FUN adopted by the government.

My professors keep saying that I'm going to go far, to not "change sides" and do good work for my country.

I have so many expectations. But what if I fail to fly, dad? What if everyone is wrong about me?

What do I do if I get to this job and they feel like I misled them, that I'm not all they expected me to be?

I hate that this sounds like a vent but I don't know, dad. I'm scared of disappointing everyone that deemed me "important" or "worth the effort".

I'm scared.

I tried asking on r/painting but got only one response & the guys on r/DIY were just poking at me & being glib.

Had work done on one side of the house, the siding took a beating. Its the older composite they don't make anymore.

Then I tried to clean it, when I did it some of the cleaner went behind the siding & didn't get washed off all the way, it dripped down and ate into the paint now there's white vertical streaks everywhere, it looks bad.

I want to repaint it so I pressure washed it again, scrubbed it with a drill brush & soap and it still ain't coming off.

My neighbor said you can just paint over it, but I want to fix it right.

Can I just spot prime those spots where the dirt is etched in or should I use something like 220 grit and just scuff the top coat?

Genuine question.

How much does a son or daughter have to do wrong before it’s justified for their own father to say things like " I'm ashamed of you" or " You don’t deserve a place in my house"?

Is there ever a point where those words are deserved by a 20 year old? Or should a parent never say something like that to their child?

so my daughter is five weeks old and the breathing thing is something i think about way more than i expected. i find myself getting up multiple times a night just to check on her even when the monitor shows everything is fine. my wife and i are both exhausted and i know some of it is just first time parent anxiety but i'd feel better if i had something that actually tracked her breathing rather than just showing a video feed.

i've been looking into smart monitors that detect movement and breathing patterns overnight and send alerts if something seems off. the idea of having that layer of reassurance without physically going into the room every hour sounds like it would help both of us sleep better.

not sure if the technology is actually reliable enough to trust or if it just creates more anxiety from false alerts. i've read mixed things online and can't figure out what's actually worth it.

any dads here using something that monitors breathing during sleep and found it genuinely useful rather than just adding more to worry about?

Recently me and my dad have been butting heads a lot more than usual. He's verbally abusive and constantly gaslights me making me often feel alone and wanting to isolate myself completely from everyone. His girlfriend lives with us, and everytime he's upset she supports him by either ignoring me like he does or just completely leaving me in the dark of why she's mad (and it'll literally have nothing to do with her.) Going back, I wanted to settle things with my dad so I wrote him a kind letter to express my gratitude for him. Backfiring, he told me thank you but also informed me in an attempt to victimize himself that he read my "other" letter for him which was my diary on my bed. It was faced a way where you could only see swear words but no evidence of who it was about of information of who it was about. While I was out that day him and his girlfriend decided to pick it up and go through the whole thing (confirmed it in real life) I just don't even know how to feel. I'm assuming as they want me to feel ashamed since I wrote what I wrote but it was simply to relieve my emotions.

Hi dad, so like the title says, the tank for my toilet cracked and im unsure how exactly to fix this. I dont know how to attach a picture but its on the front of the tank, about 8-9 inches long going down from the top. It was leaking all over the floor which is how I noticed. I turned the water off and put a board in between the plug chain thing to keep it from filling back up, and I bought some J B Weld boat fixer (I figured this would be okay to get wet after it cured), but im not sure if I did the right thing. Will this work? Do I have to replace the toilet? Is there a better product to use? I thought plumbers poxy was for pipes and stuff so I didnt get it, but would that have been better?

Thanks pops.